To feel like the poor relation at DDa primary school??

[fanaticalfairy]

Was chatting today about how January is a long month, and pay day being the last day of the month makes it a stretch and we had expensive 8 weeks etc.

One mum said "oh, I don't even know when I get paid", another sympathised and got into her 24 plate Tesla 5 minutes later, whilst the third climbed into her Range Rover.
Dds friends all live in huge 5-6 detached houses, who's living rooms are bigger than the entire floor plan of our little terraced 2 bedroom house. Her little friend actually asked where the rest of the house was when she came over the other day, and was completely perplexed about the lack of "play room" and highly interested that DDs bedroom didn't have it's own bathroom etc.

It's crazy, it's just a little village primary she goes to.

DD is 4 in reception

People talk shit. There was a recent thread where somebody said they look like they’ve got money but they were skint.

They obviously have incomes but often people spend spend spend and it backfires

You're neither unreasonable or reasonable.

It's jut how it is 🤷‍♂️

I'm not sure why you're telling them about you being skint though, did you not read the room?

Presumably it's a little village primary in a village with lots of large houses in it/nearby.
Be glad that it's a good enough school that they're not all sending the kids private.

Who gives a shit about that stuff? Get a grip OP

Just making conversation... Never mind.

Some people have more money than others, it was ever thus. You must have known you live in an affluent village?

There are a whole range of subjects you can talk to rich people about, other than how skint you are.

It probably makes them feel awkward.

It does sound as though everyone else is richer than you, yes.

Do you mind?

I find it strange that a child in reception would comment on the size of the house. Most young children I have been in contact with wouldn't think about it.

I wouldn’t discuss my personal finances with random mums at the gate I didnt really know.

Does it matter? Are they nice to you? Sounds like your daughter has friends so I’d try not to worry about it.

You haven’t said they’ve said anything out of order to you, you mentioned their cars and houses, sounds like more of a you issue?

You are quite lucky in a way, because your DD obviously has an affluent peer group and there will be advantages of being in that cohort. Much better than being in a deprived neighbourhood where parents won't be able to afford trips, extracurriculars, educational opportunities etc.

I agree with this ^

I dont discuss my finances in a meaningful way with anyone!

But, OP, you'll probably find that the cars are on finance and the big houses are mortgaged to the hilt

🙂

@fanaticalfairy
Frequently talking about being "skint" is a bit like frequently talking about how much you spend on holidays, eating in restaurants and new purchases.
It's always going to alienate some people, so if you don't want that, choose a topic which crosses the wealth divide a bit more. A program you've seen on TV, your children, your job, any interests you may have like keeping fit or photography or whatever .

You're stood there. Think about that for a moment. You're not working in a career that doesn't allow school runs, have a lovely 4yo DD and a house.
DIL attended a private secondary school She went to the village primary, many private secondary pupils so. Her family sold a company for several million making them cash rich. We live in the North of England too.
They're not crass enough to flaunt it but I know the usual MN trope of drowning in debt with a massive mortgage and leased cars doesn't apply. She is an only DC of only DCs. She wishes she had siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins.
We have enough money to be comfortable and all the things DIL desires. Who is richer?

What's crazy?

A stranger telling me they have no money would make me feel awkward.

A colleague sometimes informs me of how little money she has left, and I have nothing to say, like '..ok?'

January is a long month though pay wise for many people. I'd file that under standard small talk rather than discussing finances.

The OP must have had an inkling before then though that the women were fairly affluent, so it was small talk that was unlikely to resonate

I'd have thought most people could respond to an "I'll be glad when it's pay day" comment with something slightly more socially proficient than "I don't even know when I get paid" tbh. I mean a non committal "Yes, it's an expensive time of year" isn't hard is it? So that one was probably bragging. The others can't really walk past their cars and join the bus queue to spare your feelings though, so I think you need to learn to come to terms with it. Someone's got to be the smallest fish in the big pond, and if you don't want it to be you, you have to find a smaller pond.

Yes, but surely you check who you’re making conversation with before you choose a topic — read the room as pp said? You’d feel pretty miffed if the other parents were complaining about the difficulties of fitting in more than three ski trips into their winter, or finding stabling for their polo ponies. It’s a common-sense tactic to check.

Envy is the thief of joy.
There will be things in your life that others don’t have. There is no point comparing yourself to others. I was the same at dd’s primary. It’s just the way it is.

Out of the mouth of babes eh?!

"Where's the rest of the house?" would have me howling.

I once had a wee visitor to my very humble, 3 bed mid-terraced house.

She came to tell me the she "loved my house.
It's just like a King's house".

My feather preening went up a notch as I envisaged she'd noted my excellent taste in decor and soft furnishings and I asked her what it was about the house that made her say that.

Answer?

Coving round the ceilings!

If you only ever mix with folk who are the same as you, you never broaden your thinking.

Someone once said that you become the average of the people in your life and I think that is true. If your daughter is surrounded by affluent, villagey people then she will have a different idea of "normal" than someone who is surrounded by poor city dwellers. You obviously want her to have all the perks of being in an affluent village so it should be no surprise that the parents are affluent, and this may help her in the future (eg. Bigger donations to the PTA to pay for things for the school or subsidise class trips etc).

The woman who said she didn't know when pay day - it would be disingenuous if she had feigned poverty.

The mums who sympathise with feeling skint - they may have had huge chunks of their life living in poverty and can sympathise well.

Agree with other posters - don't talk about money with these people.