To feel like the poor relation at DDa primary school??

[fanaticalfairy]

Was chatting today about how January is a long month, and pay day being the last day of the month makes it a stretch and we had expensive 8 weeks etc.

One mum said "oh, I don't even know when I get paid", another sympathised and got into her 24 plate Tesla 5 minutes later, whilst the third climbed into her Range Rover.
Dds friends all live in huge 5-6 detached houses, who's living rooms are bigger than the entire floor plan of our little terraced 2 bedroom house. Her little friend actually asked where the rest of the house was when she came over the other day, and was completely perplexed about the lack of "play room" and highly interested that DDs bedroom didn't have it's own bathroom etc.

It's crazy, it's just a little village primary she goes to.

Pssst, OP, MN is not the place for this kind of post!
You know you are chatting to the same Tesla mums on here, right? 😂

its all relative. DDs attended same schools, but dd1 gravitated to the kids form the more affluent families and we seemed poor in comparison. DD2s friends were usually from less affluent families and we seemed quite well off in comparison.

so dd1 always had the impression we were poor and dd2 always had the impression we were rich 😂. In truth we’ve always been kind of middle of the road.

See, I think talk about being skint in January is small talk, but I clearly move I different circles! I wouldn’t discuss the details of my finances with others but lots of us at work have made reference to there being a lot of month at the end of the money in January, etc.

Kids do notice stuff - whether it’s what adults notice is another matter. We have a 3-bed semi, which was fairly compact downstairs until we extended it. I remember friends coming to visit, their kids going through the house (the living room had loads of toys) and then asking me “Where’s the playroom?”. They didn’t live in a mansion but kids know what they know, and their house had a playroom.

I would say kids notice differences more as they get older. My oldest is convinced we live in a shoe box despite most of his friends sharing bedrooms with their siblings! He is 9 and we’re trying to work on his understanding of money at a basic level, ie that you can only spend money once, more money on a bigger house for us would mean less money on other things, etc.

And yet lots of people on this thread relate to January being a financially difficult month.

Surely it’s not that difficult to read the room before you make money-related small talk? This is reminding me of my mother who just defaults to the idea that every woman everywhere loves sweet foods and struggles with her weight.

It didn’t seem to compute that at a wedding meal she was sitting beside a wire-thin triathlete who had literally just talking about the vast number of calories she was having to eat daily as she approached a big race — my mother was still patting her waistline coyly and saying ‘We’ll have to work this off tomorrow!’

That’s the point though. I have some friends/acquaintances where I’d absolutely say something like this as small talk, and some where I know it wouldn’t resonate. The person on the school run who gets into a brand new Tesla and talks about their frequent skiing holidays? Not the small talk I’d make in that situation. Small talk is largely about knowing your audience.
This can’t be the first time the OP has noticed that she lives in an affluent area, so it’s not something I’d have said on that particular school run.

Having said that, ‘I don’t even know when I get paid’ is a spectacularly cunty thing to reply to someone who said what the OP said.

A child queried at my birthday party why we hadn't got carpet. We'd not been in there too long and mom had gone back to work to save up for it. 1960s so no credit cards. I would have been 5

Kids notice things and have no filters so comment

Well I've had small visitors to our house over the years asking (more than one child, not all at once) where the dining room, conservatory, piano and garden were, plus many comments on how few bathrooms. And I think the pay-day comment at the end of Jan is fine and would have responded well. Wish you were in my playground OP. It can be hard trying in the playground, just chalk it up to experience and try another topic, kids clubs or swimming worked well in yr r.

I'm in a very affluent middle-class type village - a bit like yourself OP. My husband and I are probably very average compared to our neighbours. We were both working minimum wage when we met.

I grew up very solidly middle class, and my husband grew up in a council scheme. I have relatives who have inherited the worth of my house. My group of friends around here is all sorts.

You really don't know what people's financial situations are like OP, they could have been very fortunate in their careers, spend wisely, be in a ton of debt, married well, invested, have inherited. And all of it can change.

Just focus on doing the best for you.

CBA.

it reads more like a throwaway comment in response to awkward small talk. Neither Op nor this woman related to one another, and in such a situation it’s easy to say the ‘wrong’ thing.

Yeah I hadn't noticed the comment on not noticing when you get paid. I literally don't know anyone who would say that, from the most to least wealthy friends and acquaintances. People with more money still tend to have big outgoings and know payday!