To think that people who arrive early are as annoying as people who arrive late?

[6079SmithW]

Just that really. Don’t arrive early. I won’t be ready!

I really can't get worked up about this. If people arrive early at my house and I'm not home yet, that's their problem. If I am home and still prepping dinner, then fine, come in have a cup of tea, entertain yourself or give me a hand in the kitchen. If I am home and have finished prepping then great, it means we have more time to catch up.

I'm still traumatised by a close family member, who I hadn't seen for years, turning up 5 hours early. I'm not sure what looked the biggest mess, me or the house.

I was referring to social engagements.

However, even with clients you can ask them not to be early. I used to work in a store and would open at 9 and not a minute early. We didn't give a damn if people tried the door and glared at us through the glass. The opening times are clearly displayed on the door and then could wait.

Some of them were much earlier than that!

Yes!! I still remember the story I heard about someone who arrived to an NCT meet up 45 mins early. The host wasn’t dressed and sent her round the block. Then the husband of the one who had to wait properly kicked off about it.

General rule of thumb for me:

If it’s a play date / dinner party at someone’s house. Arrive 5 - 10 mins after agreed time. Never early or at the exact time!

If a kids party. Fine to arrive at the agreed time.

If a party in a bar/work event/wedding. Fine to arrive early.

You don't really understand how an internet forum works, do you?

I think this is quite sweet and positive in a school leaver going for their first job. It would come across really differently (and negatively) if it was an experienced candidate.

I am totally with you, OP. Who are the 20+ percent of people who think arriving early is OK?

The family who arrived early for the children's party (with 2 extra kids) just as the hosts were getting access to set up the hall...because they were bored waiting at home. No words.

Like many pps, I've worked in public-facing jobs where you might get a window of 10 minutes - or less - to gulp down a drink or rush to the loo, only to be approached by someone who (instead of waiting their appointed time) expects to be accommodated early or somehow entertained.

I used to be a Forest School leader and (as you can imagine) there was lot of very physical setting-up and work to be done before the group arrived and between groups. Parents had had a detailed induction meeting and had everything explained to them and were specifically asked NOT to bring children before the appointed meeting time. But they still did! I would rush around after my first group, laying fires etc etc and then go back to my car for 15 mins to gulp down my sandwiches before the next group arrived...and was not happy when cheeky parents would come over to the car and (yes!) knock on the window, smilingly indicating that their child was here! And ready to start! Well - I wasn't, and they needed to go over to the meeting point and wait.

When people arrive early they are robbing the host/the teacher/leader etc etc of very precious personal or preparation time. I know exactly what it's like to have your hand on the loo door and have to abandon hope and go over and deal with an early arrival. There is a special place in hell for such inconsiderate and thoughtless people.

If I've invited people for 7, chances are I won't be here if they arrive at 6.30 or even 6.45. They'd be waiting outside. That's their problem.

An HOUR early? I was thinking people meant 10 mins

I do, yes. You clearly don’t. I responded to someone saying they don’t get home until the time they’ve invited visitors for. I replied saying I thought that was odd.
You’ve waded in taking my comment as…well I don’t really know…a general comment on the thread title maybe? When it’s clearly and visibly (you can see the quote) a response to a particular comment.
You are making yourself look more and more thick I’m afraid. I’d leave it now.

I'm happy to allow a margin of 10 to 15 mins either way for a house visit, coffee, going for walk etc.
I don't like it more than half hour early at my house. I have things to do, even if it's just chillin'

You really don't understand how it works. Never mind, it'll dawn on you eventually.

Why? If you are getting public transport it’s sensible to make sure you can absorb delays. Sitting in reception mentally preparing inconveniences nobody. I agree calling up and making someone deal with you would look bad, but just sitting in a public space?

...should have added - of course you can arrive early -I always do - but the crucial thing is, don't expect to be seen or attended to, or ring someone's doorbell until the appointed time.

I always have a book or some sudokos in my bag and am happy to sit in the car or in a cafe, or just have a walk if the weather's fine, until the agreed time. There's very rarely any excuse for bothering people early.

@HardenYourHeart

I was referring to social engagements

OK, fair. Even then it's very context-specific I think. Arriving 5-10 minutes early at a town centre bar for a drinks: absolutely fine. Arriving 5-10 minutes early at the home of an old friend: also fine as long as you're not doing it all the time.

Arriving at a children's birthday party 20 minutes early when you know people will still be setting up: not cool. Arriving half an hour early at the home of people you don't know well: definitely not cool.

Any situation where you know you're likely to be inconveniencing people when they are likely to be on edge and stressed is not a good look. If you arrive early to a party its quite likely people will still be getting changed/putting food out etc. That's OK if its a childhood friend who you see every week, not so much if its a school mum whose house you've never been to before.

It's just common sense.

Go on then. Explain what it is you think I don’t understand. Educate me.

Well exactly. But I’ve been told it’s incredibly rude of me to be ok with friends being a couple of minutes early, that they are arrogant for assuming it’s ok etc etc.

I totally agree. Being early inconveniences the host as much as being late.

We have started telling my MIL a time 45 minutes later than the actual time we want her to arrive, otherwise she is 45 minutes early!

Agree with everything you've said here .

Parties are the one thing where I think turning up about 5 minutes early makes sense, usually the activity begins at the "start" time so it gives time for everyone to exchange presents and get ready for whatever they're doing.

Being early is worse than being late. Imo arrival should be approximately 5 minutes late. Gives the host a few extra minutes to nip to the loo etc

Feeling lucky that noone close to me is an early bird! I was always told to be a couple of minutes late to give the host time to relax before receiving their guests

I'm one of those people who will always find an extra task they could do to fill up the preparation time, and getting myself ready is the very last thing I do as my focus is on doing prep that makes my guests comfortable in my home. Turn up early to mine and you'll be greeted by a very flustered host who may think twice about inviting you again!

I think we're in agreement. In previous posts I also said that a few minutes early or late is fine in my book. I get annoyed if the difference is 30 minutes or more.

Ten minutes after the stated time is perfect.