To think that people who arrive early are as annoying as people who arrive late?

[6079SmithW]

Just that really. Don’t arrive early. I won’t be ready!

@cardibach

Might be a good idea to take on board what others are saying on here. You may see yourself as a very organised person and think it's all fine to turn up early but other people are telling you that it's actually not. And your own friends may think this too but be too polite to tell you.

Nope. You, however are being very rude.
I’ve never said I arrive anywhere early, for one thing. I’ve said I don’t mind people being up to 10 mins early at my house. And I wouldn’t do a massive strop if they were earlier than that.

One of our friends is always late. She won't get transport until after 9am so she can use her free pass.

why the need to be late then? She just has to be upfront and arrange meeting planning to leave after 9am?

I am chronically early to everything - it’s my ADHD/executive functioning/anxiety. I make a real effort not to inconvenience other people though (so if I was picking a friend up, I might arrive 20 mins early and be happy to wait in my car with a book, but I’d let them know just in case they’re early too).

Recent estimates suggest I waste about 6 hours a week due to my chronic earliness. I wish I wasn’t this way, I honestly do, but it makes me physically uncomfortable to be at home in waiting mode rather than at my destination waiting comfortably.

I think that’s really rude to just send someone off with a drink to sit on their own. I’ll prioritize my guest over my own comfort. So because you think you’re too important to wait till the time we’ve agreed I’ll have to leave things that I wanted to do.

I’ve stopped inviting some people in the past because they do this, and with family who I love in spite of this I tell them half an hour later than I actually want them there.

Again. Where have I said I turn up early?
I dont, unless I ask first if there’s a reason it would be easier. I’ve said I don’t find it rude if people don’t time their arrival at my house t9 the precise second I invited them.

My PIL are getting earlier and earlier. Last time they came, DH invited the "for lunch, from 12 noon".

Arrival time - 9.20am. I was only just out of the shower :( They only live an hour and 20 minutes away.

I’ve just been told I’m incredibly rude if I do that, that my friends hate me and must be inviting me for a later time to accommodate my immense rudeness.
Not that I’ve ever said I’m arrive anywhere early, because I don’t’t. I just don’t mind people being early at mine. But I’m very, very rude if I to feel this apparently.

I thought classic etiquette was, if you’re told the start time for a dinner party is 7 for 7:30pm, you should aim to arrive between 7:10 and 7:20pm.

I have an older brother. He married when I was still at school: he and his wife lived about 90 minutes drive away. My parents would always get there early, to allow for traffic etc, but park the car a couple of streets away and wait until the expected time to drive round to their house.

The thing is, there are lots of unwritten rules about this:

Going to an Interview or board meeting - 15 minutes early

Catching a bus/train - 10 minutes early

Attending an organised class or activity group - 5 minutes early

Attending school or a work meeting, meeting up with a friend for a walk, joining an online video call - on time

Attending a kids party - on time or 5 minutes late

Attending any kind of function at a friend or family members' house - from a coffee to staying for a few days - 10 minutes late (no-one wants to be interrupted whilst they are doing a last minute wipe of the bathroom whilst brushing their hair).

For me, I tend to be on the on-time / late side.

Given the above, you should also prepare yourself with the requisite refreshments, indoor/outdoor clothing and activities to pass the time and and where needed if indeed you find yourself to be early.

I. Dont. Arrive. Early.
I just don’t think it’s u reasonable for people to arrive up to 10 mins or so early for an evening at a friend’s house.

The rudeness that I referred to is you saying that if people are not ready for you to arrive ten minutes before the agreed time it’s because they’re disorganised.

No, it’s because you’re early.

I had a friend who'd either turn up early or late. Including the one where he turned up 2 hours early. He lived 5 minutes away so no traffic, trains, etc

I have occasionally turned up early if Im unsure where exactly I'm going. But I'll go for a coffee or something until the agreed time

I’ve got a friend coming to stay who’s already arriving a day earlier than we had planned. I’ve told them what time they need to arrive and made it very clear that I won’t be available a minute before. I said if they are early to sit in their car, I’m already so pissed off that they’ve taken it upon themselves to come for an extra night.

If you're invited to somewhere from 7pm, you're certainly less if not un-welcome before 6.50pm, and putting your host out to a greater or lesser extent. It's quite presumptuous to knock at 6.30pm, unless your guests know that will be ok.

Being early is as rude as being late. 10-15 minutes either way is fine, IMO.

You plan to be home at the precise time you invited someone? Not getting anything ready, making sure the house is warm, taking your coat off?
Odd.

that's insane 😂

Did they plan to wait in front of the door for more than 2 hours if you were not in?

For me it’s about being mentally prepared. I won’t be mentally prepared until the time we’ve agreed, I’m afraid.

Oh, but also arriving early is a movable feast - I've learned since moving to where I am now, that on time is early, and the correct amount is 10-15 mins late (and TBH, you still might be the first person)

And similarly, I adjust my expectations when I've invited people so I don't get annoyed.

My friends tend to be perfectly comfortable with a glass of wine while I, for eg, do the putting of food into serving bowls, so I’m sure they’d manage while I brushed my hair. As I’ve said multiple times though, they’d have to be more than 10 mins early to find me not ready.

My Dad is like this if we ever try to have a family get together.

So I might try to accommodate him but having it the earliest we could possibly be ready for, like 12.30 or something.

“Oh can we just come at 12?” Well no, because that’s basically making the party start at 12 as we won’t be able to use that half hour for preparations, or there’ll be no point when we’re actually ready to receive people.

So I offer - if you’re really worried about traffic come at 11 and help us get ready.

Apparently no good either.

You can’t turn up right in the rush time right before the party actually starts!

It's not 1950, I don't spend the day in the kitchen getting ready 😂

My house is always warm, what a weird comment.

If I invite you during the week, I work and I have kids, so no, I don't spend 2 hours "getting ready". People don't arrive for diner and expect to seat immediately and have their starter..

If I invite you at the weekend, again, I have kids, and I spend most of my time being a taxi, so it's likely I will be dropping one or picking up another one in that half an hour before I invited you.

Absolutely do not arrive early. On time or a little bit late is fine with me but do not arrive earlier than stated!

@cardibach

I often dial in a bit early to online things be sure the tech is up and running my end. I have no expectation of being answered early and it’s not a power play at all. You’re over thinking.

I don't think I am: in my industry time is incredibly valuable: people go from call to call to call in sequence throughout the day and if other people are late or early it completely messes everything up and causes knock-on effects for the rest of the schedule. If you don't hold the line on this you won't get to eat or do anything else.

If you join a call early it's very likely that the other person will still be wrapping up an earlier call so it puts pressure on them to dial off when they're not finished.

A minute or so early is fine but if someone routinely calls you ten minutes before the planned time they are basically telling you your time is less important than theirs.