To think that people who arrive early are as annoying as people who arrive late?

[6079SmithW]

Just that really. Don’t arrive early. I won’t be ready!

No, because 10 mins isn’t really early.
And again, it’s not me. I don’t arrive early without checking it’s ok (and I don’t mean a call from the doorstep, I mean in advance). I’m just saying I don’t mind people being early at mine - in fact I prefer it to them being late.

Oh my exh is like this! He’s always either early or late if he’s picking up or dropping the children. Never on time.

So you have no idea when to be ready!

Lateness drives me mad. I have to be early, I put it down to anxiety. However, I potter about, sit in the car, browse in a bookshop, whatever, until I am due somewhere.

A few minutes early won't bother me. I would only hate it if it's more than half an hour early. A few minutes late, doesn't bother me either. More than half an hour, though, and I get annoyed.

However, to those posters accusing people who arrive a few minutes early of "having poor time management skills". Aren't you projecting just a little bit? I mean how good can your own time management skills be, if you are still running around preparing for guests right up until the minute you expect them to arrive.
Aren't you the rude one? It's not just you putting in time and effort. Your guests are also putting in effort to travel to you and to be ready before they leave the house.

You think nobody else has a life outside the home?
Im not saying spend 2 hours getting ready. I’m saying I think it’s weird to invite people for a time that you might not be home at all - if you are also aiming at the some arrival something could hold you up. And while people don’t expect food immediately it’s a bit odd to start cooking after they arrived.

5 mins is nothing that's just being pinickity!

Oh god yes people who start Teams meetings early have a special place in hell.

There’s absolutely no need.

The other person then gets bing binged at whilst they’re wrapping up the meeting before, which is off putting!

Or that they use the tech less than you and aren’t as comfortable with it. The only time I used online calls routinely was during lockdown. I’m not intending to put pressure on, and I’ll take this on board if I have any further calls. Unlikely since I’ve just retired, mind.

I strongly disagree, esp if someone is looking after your child for you!

I was always taught this, but DH wasn't. MIL was so anxious about being late that she was always half an hour early for everything and it has rubbed off on DH and BIL.

I have worked on DH over the years and we now compromise at on time. Unfortunately, BIL still arrives an hour early, even if given an anytime after 12 type invitation. Which surely no one can possibly interpret as turn up at 10 to eleven.

So while I do think it's rude, and inconsiderate of my time, I grit my teeth and remind myself it must be awful to be so conditioned to not being late that you don't realise how much you are pissing people off.

@HardenYourHeart

However, to those posters accusing people who arrive a few minutes early of "having poor time management skills". Aren't you projecting just a little bit? I mean how good can your own time management skills be, if you are still running around preparing for guests right up until the minute you expect them to arrive.

I don't so much think its "poor time management", I think its just arrogance. Assuming that your time is more important and the other person's time doesn't merit consideration as long as you are getting convenience.

It's a bit like these discussions about whether its OK to turn up unannounced (there was a thread on this yesterday). It's annoying because it assumes that the time of the person arriving is important and the recipient can work around them. It may not be a deliberate power play but it assumes that other people is disposable.

That’s a massive over reaction to a friend arriving at your house a couple of minutes early. I find it very odd.

I’m another chronically early ADHDer. I find it impossible to be late. If I’m expecting a visitor I will be ready an hour before and be on pins until they arrive.
If I’m visiting them I’ll probably wait in the car around the corner.

I don't see it the same way.

If they are 10 mn early, I translate it as them being useless frankly.
They can't be that important or busy, if they waste time like this.

They drive me insane, but I think it puts them in a position of inferiority, even if they try to pretend to be important.

@cardibach

Or that they use the tech less than you and aren’t as comfortable with it. The only time I used online calls routinely was during lockdown. I’m not intending to put pressure on, and I’ll take this on board if I have any further calls. Unlikely since I’ve just retired, mind.

Yeah its one thing if this is someone who is obviously unfamiliar with the tech or the routine of using it, such as a retired person or someone who doesn't use this a lot for work. I would cut someone some slack in these circumstances. But this is a CEO of a company in his early 50s so its definitely not that. He's just used to being able to set his own schedule.

@strawberrycrumbles

If they are 10 mn early, I translate it as them being useless frankly.
They can't be that important or busy, if they waste time like this.

Or just self-important. There's a lot of men (apologies but it is always men) in my industry who do this all the time. We're a service business and they assume that because they pay us we're just sitting at our desks twiddling our thumbs waiting for them to call and give us something to do. It never crosses their minds we might have other commitments.

I mean how good can your own time management skills be, if you are still running around preparing for guests right up until the minute you expect them to arrive.

literally good time management skills to do things on time, before the guests arrive. It's not terribly efficient, or realistic, to be ready so early but then wait.

Agree, it's rude in either direction if it's more than 5m or there's a good reason and it's out of the norm.

Assuming that your time is more important and the other person's time doesn't merit consideration as long as you are getting convenience.

Over a few minutes? I still think this is projecting. You think your more important than your guests, just because you are hosting and they have to run on some time table other than the one you both agreed on. As you can see from this thread, people have different ideas about arriving early or late, but many posters here keep saying "I thought that everyone knew that".
They clearly don't as people have different ideas and people keep arriving early or late.

I think it's rude and arrogant to assume people think like you do. If it bothers you, use you voice. Don't be passive aggressive about it and don't expect others to read your mind.

Deliberately misunderstanding makes you look thick.

My piano teacher has a specific part in their contract about how students should arrive exactly on time! Because there is nowhere for people to sit and wait. It's funny a couple of people have taken issue with it, but why? Just sit in the car, until it's time to go in. Or have a walk if using public transport. It strikes me as poor time management as you should be able to predict what time you'll be somewhere and take steps to ensure you're there at that time.

DH fusses about being early all the time, it's so irritating - if he says he wants us to leave the house at 7.30am, he's ready, one foot out the door and chivvying me at 7.15am. If I dare point out that 7.30 was the deadline he'll strop off and sit with the engine running. 🙄

He likes to arrive at shops at right as they open to avoid crowds (I'm all for that), but if it opens at 9am he leaves early enough that we're there by ten to - he even tries the door and stares inside, so I hide in the car.

He had an appointment with somebody at 11am today - he was there at 10am and just went right in.

We're always early for events. I kick my heels as long as I can but he regularly threatens to leave without me lol.

If I'm hosting I actually like it when people are like 30 mins late. More time to get ready/finish tidying. My family usually turn up an hour early which is infuriating, I have stopped opening the door when they arrive that early.

@HardenYourHeart

I think it's rude and arrogant to assume people think like you do. If it bothers you, use you voice. Don't be passive aggressive about it and don't expect others to read your mind.

It's not as simple as that if they're paying clients.

I agree that if a friend did this routinely I'd just have a word. If someone is paying you for your time it's a bit more complicated.

Not sure what this has to do with you, since I was replying to @strawberrycrumbles who wrote this ”If I ask people to be there at 7, I plan to be home at 7, not at 6:30!”
You aren’t even in the reply chain.
Not reading the context and wading in anyway makes you look thick.