So my partner and I have been together a year. We both have kids, we don't live together. I knew that he had ADHD from early on... I'm mentioning this for info, not sure if it has any relevance, and I don't want to be offensive to anyone reading, but I'm wondering if autism also.
I find him overwhelming. He has said before he's obsessed with me, I told him that made me uncomfortable as it's not healthy to feel like that. He agrees with everything I do and say, seems to have no opinion. Always talking, texting, wanting very in depth conversations about our relationship, which I'm not always in the mood for after a long day at work and my 2 children to see to. Hyper fixated on me like I'm perfect. I'll tell him I like my alone time and need to chill tonight and I might be on the quiet side for the evening, at which point he'll go completely silent for 24-36 hours. There's no in the middle.
Then, he needs to settle that in his mind... Why I need alone time or quiet time. He always wants to understand how I'm feeling, point out how worried he is about me if I need a quiet night, when I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I can't give him everything, every second he needs attention.
Once I snapped at him one morning. It happens between couples, right? All I said, not shouting, when he was talking and talking at me, was 'can I just drink my coffee and have 5 bloody minutes peace?!'. He went totally quiet, and was quiet for 2 hours. We had to have another chat about how, one again, he was worried about me, how hard it was for him to see me like that as if there is something dreadfully wrong with me.
It's exhausting, like multiple times a week. He stresses that he needs to understand me and the situation again and again, to know what's going on in my mind. Which I in turn find intrusive at points and he doesn't give up wanting to know about how I feel, constantly.
Another thing, if I go out with a friend for a drink, he likes me to check in. When I didn't once about 6m into our relationship, I finally got to his messages about 10pm. He was frantic, he told me he almost reached out to my other friends to try to get hold of me, he even considered calling police. I told him that was unreasonable, that I'm a grown women and he isn't my dad.
I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to him about it more than once, his face just goes blank and he says he doesn't understand. I'm suffocated but I do love him.
Sorry for the essay. Thought, opinions and advise welcome.