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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable or was last night just odd?

101 replies

meldgaard0 · 25/01/2025 10:44

Hi all,

So last night has left me feeling a bit… off, and I just need to know if anyone else would feel the same or if I’m overthinking.

We went round to a friend’s house for dinner. Nothing fancy, just a casual catch-up. When we arrived, everything seemed fine, but as the evening went on, it just felt a bit weird. They kept mentioning how “last-minute” everything was and apologising for the food (which was actually fine, by the way), but they kept going on and on about it to the point where it felt awkward.

Then halfway through the evening, their dog came into the dining room (not a problem, I love dogs), but they started feeding it bits from the table. Like, actual scraps of what was on our plates. I get that some people do that at home, but when you’ve got guests? I just found it a bit gross.

The whole vibe was just… strange. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it felt like they didn’t actually want us there? We left around 10ish, and on the drive home, my OH said he felt the same – like something was just off.

Am I reading too much into this, or was it just one of those nights?

Would love to know what others would think in this situation.

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 25/01/2025 10:46

They forgot you were coming?

Drollie · 25/01/2025 10:47

I mean none of what you've said would bother me in the slightest or make me think anything was off.

biscuitsandbooks · 25/01/2025 10:47

Maybe they had a row beforehand.

User67556 · 25/01/2025 10:48

When they said it was last minute did you ask why? Perhaps something had happened that day and they wanted you to ask about it so they could tell you. Sometimes people do this "hey how are you?' "Oh not too bad, bit of a long day today" and won't actually explain until you say "oh really why what happened?" And then they say "oh well my mum had a fall, I spent the morning up the hospital with her" etc etc. So when you didn't enquire they were probably stuck in that state of huffing and puffing and sighing and waiting for you to ask what's up. But to you it just came off as unwelcoming.

Renamed · 25/01/2025 10:48

Did one of them invite you and not tell the other one?

DUsername · 25/01/2025 10:52

Sounds like they either forgot you were coming or had a row before hand as others said. The dog thing wouldn't bother me at all and I don't like dogs. As long as I'd finished eating and the dog wasn't trying to get my food - I hate it when that happens.

FOJN · 25/01/2025 10:52

Is it possible that the host didn't leave themselves enough time to prepare or ran out of time to prepare in the way she would have liked and felt insecure or embarrassed about what she offered. I have deliberately used she because men don't tend to worry about such things but accept that's a generalisation.

Perhaps there had been an argument or some other upset before you arrived.

Feeding the dog scraps is common, not something I would do but not unusual.

I wouldn't think too much about it. If it was a very close friend I might ask if they were OK because they seemed a bit stressed but otherwise I'd leave it.

JMSA · 25/01/2025 10:54

It sounds like there was a funny vibe. Is it usual for the hostess to be a bit socially uncomfortable?

ItsByThere · 25/01/2025 10:55

Did they invite you last minute? Or did you invite yourselves? I would wonder about the emphasis on ‘last minute’.

GRex · 25/01/2025 10:55

The "last ninute" bit means they weren't expecting you for dinner, were you maybe just invited for drinks but overstayed?

Feeding the dog is just something they do, I don't like it but if your going to eat there then you need to accept the dog.

Allatonce2024 · 25/01/2025 10:55

Oh I know what you mean, I've had exactly this feeling before at someone's house and how you described feeding the dog scraps etc. sort of performatively relaxed.

For me it was that the couple had clearly had a big row beforehand and just hated each other.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/01/2025 10:58

I'm wondering about the "last minute" bit too - who arranged the evening, and was the other partner aware? It sounds as if it came as an unwelcome surprise to one of them.

healthybychristmas · 25/01/2025 10:59

Were they clearly expecting you when you arrived? Did they actually speak to each other in a nice way was there an atmosphere between them?

occultelements · 25/01/2025 11:01

Did they explicitly mention dinner when you were invited? It sounds to me like they hadn't planned on cooking for you. If they had to throw something together from what they had in, it would explain repeated mentions of it being last minute and apologising about the food.

YoureSpreadingShitInsteadOfSunshine · 25/01/2025 11:02

How was the invitation worded? I’m imagining a MN post from the other side saying ‘friends invited round for a couple of drinks but they sat and sat so long we had to feed them, and they stayed for hours afterwards’ 😆

Freshflower · 25/01/2025 11:07

Maybe they were genuinely embarrassed that the food wasn't good enough. If they had a drink in them maybe that's why they went on a bit. Maybe they had some family issues that was causing them to give an off vibe. As for feeding scraps to the dog , I dont see how doing that even when there is guests would be an issue. I'd say you are over thinking. Maybe see how things are with them in the coming months

Floatlikeafeather2 · 25/01/2025 11:23

The impression I've got from what you've said is that, for whatever reason, they weren't expecting you. Was the invitation specifically to come for dinner at that time, on that day? Or was it more a case of "We must catch up sometime, have dinner perhaps, perhaps at our place" at the other end of the scale, and you've slightly misinterpreted and invited yourselves? Were they both saying the same things? If it was only one of them it could be that there had been a bit of argy bargy beforehand, messages not passed on, the arrangements being be made by one who then expected the other to not only drop any plans they might have had but do the donkey's share of preparation also. In fact, anything could have happened and as you don't seem to have the depth of friendship with them for them to be honest with you or for you to feel you can ask them if something has happened or suggest you should go home and give them some peace, you'll very probably never know. I don't know why you've mentioned the dog thing at all though. It's horrible (and no, not all dog owners do this or even allow dogs near the table) but irrelevant unless you are suggesting that they did it to make you go home in disgust.

Turbo4 · 25/01/2025 11:27

The dog thing is a not an issue, wouldn’t bat an eyelid at that.

The last minute bit would depend, how long ago did you arrange it? They could have forgotten or maybe were late home from work and had to rush round to sort food.

If a friend had said that it was last minute to me though I would have asked if everything was ok? Did you ask if they were ok?

whynotwhatknot · 25/01/2025 11:47

im gong to say just ha a row before you got there or forgot you were coming

Pluvia · 25/01/2025 11:56

There was a funny thread on here a few months ago by a woman whose husband had spontaneously invited people to dinner with just a couple of hours notice on a day when she'd been meaning to go and do a big food shop but just hadn't got round to it. She was furious with him. He made some strange concoction with butter beans (one of the guests was vegan). Could it be something like that? Had one of them invited you and not told the other?

Quinlan · 25/01/2025 11:56

Did they invite you for dinner off their own bat? Or did you invite yourselves or suggest it, heavily hint? Did you make them feel like they had to invite you for dinner?

Lightswitchup · 25/01/2025 11:58

I’m not sure what the dog has to do with anything, that’s just a difference in standards. Sometimes people have off days. Sometimes the vibe is not right. It doesn’t mean anything.

Original poster
meldgaard0 · 25/01/2025 12:00

Thanks for your replies!

To answer your questions:
• One of them definitely invited us, but I’m pretty sure they’d both agreed to it – at least, I hope so! It wasn’t a last-minute invite either; it was arranged about a week ago, so the emphasis on “last minute” was just odd. They did seem like they were expecting us when we arrived, though, so I don’t think we caught them off guard.
• There wasn’t any obvious tension between them, but now you’ve said it, they didn’t really interact much with each other during the evening. It wasn’t frosty, but it wasn’t particularly warm either. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but looking back, maybe there was a bit of an atmosphere?
• They definitely mentioned dinner when they invited us, so it wasn’t a surprise for them. That’s why the whole “last-minute” thing felt so strange – it wasn’t like they’d suddenly had to whip something up because of us.
• The dog thing probably wouldn’t have been such a big deal if they weren’t feeding it off our plates! I think it was just the combination of that, the repeated apologies about the food, and the weird vibe between them that threw me off.

You’re right, I should’ve asked if everything was okay when they kept mentioning it being last minute. I think I was just trying to keep things light and not make it more awkward. But now I’m wondering if something was going on and they didn’t want to say?

OP posts:
ChicLilacSeal · 25/01/2025 12:00

I'm not understanding why feeding the dog scraps - which means the humans have finished eating - is a big deal?

CandyLeBonBon · 25/01/2025 12:03

ChicLilacSeal · 25/01/2025 12:00

I'm not understanding why feeding the dog scraps - which means the humans have finished eating - is a big deal?

Off of OP's plate though? That's a bit odd!

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