Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable or was last night just odd?

101 replies

meldgaard0 · 25/01/2025 10:44

Hi all,

So last night has left me feeling a bit… off, and I just need to know if anyone else would feel the same or if I’m overthinking.

We went round to a friend’s house for dinner. Nothing fancy, just a casual catch-up. When we arrived, everything seemed fine, but as the evening went on, it just felt a bit weird. They kept mentioning how “last-minute” everything was and apologising for the food (which was actually fine, by the way), but they kept going on and on about it to the point where it felt awkward.

Then halfway through the evening, their dog came into the dining room (not a problem, I love dogs), but they started feeding it bits from the table. Like, actual scraps of what was on our plates. I get that some people do that at home, but when you’ve got guests? I just found it a bit gross.

The whole vibe was just… strange. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it felt like they didn’t actually want us there? We left around 10ish, and on the drive home, my OH said he felt the same – like something was just off.

Am I reading too much into this, or was it just one of those nights?

Would love to know what others would think in this situation.

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
heyhopotato · 25/01/2025 13:30

I think you're being really weird. Maybe there was a vibe you sense and couldn't put your finger on, but none of the other stuff is strange.

Branleuse · 25/01/2025 13:31

was it the first time youve been round there?
Are you sure it wasnt a "you must come over" thing by a people pleaser who actually doesnt usually host?

bomalan · 25/01/2025 13:44

Maybe it was last minute because they'd been so busy they didn't have time to buy food etc, and just ran to the shops to get everything that day?

Sidebeforeself · 25/01/2025 13:48

Well if you are wondering if there was something going on and they didnt want to say then thats the end of it isn’t it? It’s probably their business and Im sure they didnt mean to make you feel uncomfortable .

Rosscameasdoody · 25/01/2025 13:50

Renamed · 25/01/2025 10:48

Did one of them invite you and not tell the other one?

I thought this too.

Sidebeforeself · 25/01/2025 13:50

@NeverDropYourMooncup Have you been bugging my house?!

ThatCoralShark · 25/01/2025 13:51

I’m also not getting the dog thing, so all I can see is they mentioned the food a few times, I’m wondering if maybe you were being awkward and they were reacting to that? Wonder if you will be invited back?

Comeonicandoit · 25/01/2025 13:55

You were invited Saturday night, but you turned up Friday night.

Knockgour · 25/01/2025 14:03

The dog thing is gross, but a lot of people on here will think it's perfectly OK, as pet owners seem to have a hygiene blind spot.

The rest of it -- I'd assume they'd had an argument about something?

Discombobble · 25/01/2025 14:10

Endofyear · 25/01/2025 12:18

Is it possible that one of them invited you and then forgot to tell their partner and sort of sprung it on them last minute? If my DH told me in the morning before work 'oh by the way, I invited x and x for dinner tonight, sorry I forgot to tell you' I'd be pretty flustered if I had a full day at work and then possibly need to shop for the food and then cook and tidy up when I got home! Could this have been what happened maybe?

This sounds like the most likely explanation

Preciousmoments18 · 25/01/2025 14:34

meldgaard0 · 25/01/2025 12:00

Thanks for your replies!

To answer your questions:
• One of them definitely invited us, but I’m pretty sure they’d both agreed to it – at least, I hope so! It wasn’t a last-minute invite either; it was arranged about a week ago, so the emphasis on “last minute” was just odd. They did seem like they were expecting us when we arrived, though, so I don’t think we caught them off guard.
• There wasn’t any obvious tension between them, but now you’ve said it, they didn’t really interact much with each other during the evening. It wasn’t frosty, but it wasn’t particularly warm either. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but looking back, maybe there was a bit of an atmosphere?
• They definitely mentioned dinner when they invited us, so it wasn’t a surprise for them. That’s why the whole “last-minute” thing felt so strange – it wasn’t like they’d suddenly had to whip something up because of us.
• The dog thing probably wouldn’t have been such a big deal if they weren’t feeding it off our plates! I think it was just the combination of that, the repeated apologies about the food, and the weird vibe between them that threw me off.

You’re right, I should’ve asked if everything was okay when they kept mentioning it being last minute. I think I was just trying to keep things light and not make it more awkward. But now I’m wondering if something was going on and they didn’t want to say?

Sorry to people who don't agree but feeding the dog from scraps of a dinner guests plate is not only rude it's extremely bad taste. If they wanted to do this the plates should have been cleared first & the dog fed elsewhere. I'm not surprised you feel the way you do OP.

Original poster
meldgaard0 · 25/01/2025 14:41

They made a pasta dish – nothing fancy, but it was decent. I’m not sure who did the cooking, though. I think they both had a hand in it, because they were both in and out of the kitchen before we ate, but the one who invited us was the husband, so your theory isn’t entirely impossible.

Now that you’ve mentioned it, the vibe did feel a bit like “one of them arranged this, and the other wasn’t thrilled about it.” There wasn’t outright tension, but it wasn’t exactly a warm, joint effort either, if that makes sense. If the husband did invite us without running it past the wife, I could definitely see why she might have been annoyed – I know I would be!

I don’t think it was a last-minute surprise for her, though, as it was arranged a week ago. But who knows – maybe he forgot to tell her until the day before! That would explain the repeated “last minute” comments, come to think of it.

OP posts:
Preciousmoments18 · 25/01/2025 14:47

meldgaard0 · 25/01/2025 14:41

They made a pasta dish – nothing fancy, but it was decent. I’m not sure who did the cooking, though. I think they both had a hand in it, because they were both in and out of the kitchen before we ate, but the one who invited us was the husband, so your theory isn’t entirely impossible.

Now that you’ve mentioned it, the vibe did feel a bit like “one of them arranged this, and the other wasn’t thrilled about it.” There wasn’t outright tension, but it wasn’t exactly a warm, joint effort either, if that makes sense. If the husband did invite us without running it past the wife, I could definitely see why she might have been annoyed – I know I would be!

I don’t think it was a last-minute surprise for her, though, as it was arranged a week ago. But who knows – maybe he forgot to tell her until the day before! That would explain the repeated “last minute” comments, come to think of it.

Understandable but feeding the dog at the dinner table with scraps off your plate is not OK imo but there again I'm fussy about things like this. Its like saying they didn't finish my food so I might as well throw it to the dog. I just don't like the idea of it & feel its rude so yes I'd be giving that a sideways glance 😅

sugarandfudge · 25/01/2025 14:49

The dog thing is nothing, just difference of attitude towards dogs and hygiene. If they were using utensils for the dog to eat from and then putting them back in the food for human use, that would be disgusting, but for many people with dogs, they'd think there's nothing unhygienic about feeding scraps right from the plates.

As for the rest, who knows. Maybe they're socially awkward, maybe they had an argument before you arrived, maybe they changed their minds about hosting but couldn't wriggle out of it and did a poor job of covering their feelings. But unless they know you're squeamish about dogs and germs, you're overthinking that part of the evening.

howdoyoudooooo · 25/01/2025 14:52

@meldgaard0 you’ve misled people to think the hosts took food off your plate, saying thinks like “yes you’re reading that right” but then you’ve said:

It wasn’t like they reached over and physically took food off our plates (that would’ve been a whole other level of strange), but they did sort of gesture to us and say, “Oh, the dog loves this,” and then took a bit off their own plate or a serving dish to give to the dog.

With your extra posts I think it’s pretty obvious what’s happened. The husband invited you round and the woman had to do a sizeable amount of the work so quite rightly wasn’t over the moon about it.

FWIW, I would consider a week to be fairly short notice for having guests round for dinner so just because you think it’s not short notice doesn’t mean both your hosts think the same.

Preciousmoments18 · 25/01/2025 15:05

howdoyoudooooo · 25/01/2025 14:52

@meldgaard0 you’ve misled people to think the hosts took food off your plate, saying thinks like “yes you’re reading that right” but then you’ve said:

It wasn’t like they reached over and physically took food off our plates (that would’ve been a whole other level of strange), but they did sort of gesture to us and say, “Oh, the dog loves this,” and then took a bit off their own plate or a serving dish to give to the dog.

With your extra posts I think it’s pretty obvious what’s happened. The husband invited you round and the woman had to do a sizeable amount of the work so quite rightly wasn’t over the moon about it.

FWIW, I would consider a week to be fairly short notice for having guests round for dinner so just because you think it’s not short notice doesn’t mean both your hosts think the same.

After reading the update I now realise the food wasn't taken from her plate although it was still the food served to guests so I'd feel the same. The left overs can of course be fed to the dog just not at the table imo. Again it's like saying my food wasn't finished so I may as well feed it to the dog. It just feels wrong but each to their own.

Normallynumb · 25/01/2025 15:06

I'd think they had a big row beforehand and the last minute was an attempt to excuse the tension
It's not on to feed the dog what's left on the guests plates in front of them though
Maybe another attempt to direct attention away from them
Either way, you are not overthinking

WizardOfAus · 25/01/2025 15:09

The likely scenario is the bloke invited you, forgot to tell his wife, she ended up doing the grunt work and was rightly pissed at him, hence the “last minute” passive aggressive comments.

You’ve now clarified she gave the dog a tidbit OFF HER OWN PLATE, not yours…

Normallynumb · 25/01/2025 15:13

You've now clarified it was from the hosts plate. Still think it's odd to do that in front of guests.. and I have a Terrier

IlooklikeNigella · 25/01/2025 15:17

I think there was a row beforehand as the wife wasn't told so was making digs at her husband.

I think the dog thing is entirely separate and gross AF.

Original poster
meldgaard0 · 25/01/2025 15:20

howdoyoudooooo · 25/01/2025 14:52

@meldgaard0 you’ve misled people to think the hosts took food off your plate, saying thinks like “yes you’re reading that right” but then you’ve said:

It wasn’t like they reached over and physically took food off our plates (that would’ve been a whole other level of strange), but they did sort of gesture to us and say, “Oh, the dog loves this,” and then took a bit off their own plate or a serving dish to give to the dog.

With your extra posts I think it’s pretty obvious what’s happened. The husband invited you round and the woman had to do a sizeable amount of the work so quite rightly wasn’t over the moon about it.

FWIW, I would consider a week to be fairly short notice for having guests round for dinner so just because you think it’s not short notice doesn’t mean both your hosts think the same.

Fair point, I can see how my earlier post might have come across as misleading, so apologies for that. I wasn’t trying to be dramatic, just trying to explain how the situation felt at the time. I definitely didn’t mean to suggest they were physically taking food off our plates – I should’ve worded it more clearly!

And you’re probably right about the dynamic between them. It does make sense that the husband invited us, and she wasn’t entirely thrilled about the extra work. I suppose a week’s notice could feel a bit last minute depending on how busy they’ve been, so maybe that was part of it too.

Looking back, the whole evening does feel more understandable when you frame it that way – I think I just got caught up in how awkward it felt at the time. Thanks for pointing that out, and sorry again for any confusion!

OP posts:
luckylavender · 25/01/2025 15:21

How do you expect us to know?

Original poster
meldgaard0 · 25/01/2025 15:34

luckylavender · 25/01/2025 15:21

How do you expect us to know?

Fair enough, I get your point – you obviously can’t know for certain what was going on. I suppose I was just looking for a bit of perspective or to see if anyone else had experienced something similar and could shed some light. It’s all a bit of a head-scratcher, and I think I was overanalysing it! Thanks for taking the time to reply, though.

OP posts:
PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 25/01/2025 15:47

I can t think of multiple MN threads over the years which have been written from the point of view of the wife in this situation - 'fucking DH has invited his friend / colleague over and expects me to cook' etc etc.

In fact, it's the basis of a chapter in Little Women Grin

TheseCalmSeas · 25/01/2025 15:50

It’s not Downton Abbey. They’re just giving their dog a treat when their friends are round.

Although sounds like they forgot you were coming until the last minute and were concerned about disappointing you. I feel for them tbh!