To go to the Evening do or not...

[NewYearSameMeeee]

I worked with a girl I remained friends with, not close, but meet up for drinks every few months.

When we worked together I was due to be married and invited a very selected few friends from work for the Evening (as 40 odd people worked there, hence couldn't invite everyone.)

As it got closer and closer, despite several gentle nudges I received no RSVP. Eventually, about 2 weeks prior to the day she said she was sorry but couldn't come as had accidentally double booked a Comedy show out of the city.😬

I was pretty hurt, as I'd given her the invite a few months earlier and we'd been chatting about my upcoming Wedding a few times at lunch etc.(not constant, annoying Bridezilla, just occasional chat about the day, my dress etc)

My DH was quite annoyed for me as I was hurt, but we let it slide.

Move forward 7 years, we no longer work together, but still meet up occasionally and keep in touch as I'm not generally one to bare a grudge.

She got engaged at Christmas and I've received a Save The Date for her Wedding Eve do.

DH says no way - make an excuse, she made no effort for us.

I think it will be obvious if I tit for tat - so think we should just go.

I won't finish work until 6pm, so it will be a ridiculous dash. I'd prefer not to go -and am obviously not using half a day annual leave to finish early for her when she made zero effort for my Wedding which was on a Saturday.

Would you go??

No, but not to make a point, just because it’s inconvenient and you’re not that keen.
I would however feel free not to respond until much nearer the time because she’s clearly okay with that.

If I wanted to go and see her, to help her celebrate, then yes I would go.

I wouldn’t not go as a tit for tat response, that’s just childish.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Just RSVP saying no. There used to be cards which said exactly that without having to give a reason.
Or you can respond with a Sorry we can't make it, hope you both have a lovely day.

Sorry but you 100% know what OP is talking about.

What she did in the past is irrelevant. You aren’t particularly close friends and you don’t want to go, so don’t. Stop worrying about what random people who aren’t even important in your life think of you and prioritize yourself.

You don’t sound like you want to go, and it’ll be a bit inconvenient. That would make my decision, it doesn’t matter what did or didn’t happen 7 years ago.

Agreed!

Tbf it does sound weird - "wedding eve do"? Never heard of one. Is it like us copying the wedding rehearsal dinner?

Anyway I think go if you want and then leave at a good time. No need to overdo it on effort

Blimey the nitpickers are out in force today. Obviously the OP means an evening do.

You don’t want to go, so just say thanks but sorry I can’t make it.

I think you overreacted to your friend missing your evening do - an evening-only invitation is not in the same league as a day invitation, it's just a party. To be holding a grudge about it 7 years on is incredibly petty.

Her invitation - go if you want to, don't if you don't. It's unlikely she'll think anything of it if you don't go, most people wouldn't.

I think I'd go just to show that I wasn't being petty.

still meet up occasionally and keep in touch as I'm not generally one to bare a grudge.

As this was 7 years ago your post implies otherwise.

If you don’t want to go because it’s inconvenient just say I’m sorry I’m working. If you do want to go then just get home from work get ready and go. Just don’t base your decision on the fact she missed your wedding evening party because that would be petty.

YABU to hold this grudge.

If you don’t like her much seems weird to have stayed in touch and kept meeting up.

if you like her and want to stay in touch, would go, if the evening do is local, won’t cost you too much money, and you don’t have other plans or more important things likely to be on the same date.

Your comment about it being a rush after a 6pm finish at work seems silly.

@IsItAllRubbish I seriously misunderstood. Blame insomnia and lack of caffeine before scrolling

Do you want to go? I you do, RSVP yes, if not, RSVP no. It's really that simple.

You and your husband sound like hard work. You were hurt that work colleague couldn't come to your wedding reception? Really? So hurt that 7 years on you're considering not going to her out of spite? You both sound so petty.

You’re overthinking this massively.

you don’t need to respond right away, just ignore the invite. Decline it later

It’s not a big deal either way. Forget what happened 7 years ago. If you want to go then just go after work. But if you don’t, which it sounds as though you don’t, then just say “sorry, can’t make it, hope you have a fabulous day”.

It does sound as if you definitely still hold a grudge that she didn't come to your wedding!
If she had come, would you feel differently now accepting her invite?
If you don't want to go then don't but don't try and make excuses about it being a rush. You don't have to get there bang on the dot!

It's not convenient, you're not close. You already, sadly, have something on that evening.

Tit for tat would be not responding until pushed for a response close to the date.

If you want to go, go. If you don't, just say you can't.

This. Odd.

I'm with your husband, don't go.

Don't go but tell her you're working etc, Ive learned over the years to just do what suits you and it doesn't sound like it does. Spent a lifetime pleasing others and going to things I had no interest in for fear of upsetting people but at the grand old age of 53 I now suit myself!

Making a point is pathetic

if you don’t want to go then don’t.

but be an adult.

"I'm not one to generally hold a grudge"

It's been 7 years.....are you sure??!