How much does your teen cost?

[candlelightees]

I am a teacher and yesterday I overheard some cheeky chappies saying the government pays for them in the form of child benefit. This opened a discussion. Other students chipped in. It seemed some were self aware, others not so much.

I added up my own teen cost minus the grocery/household share. Didn't realise how expensive they actually are.

Transport- £20
Lunch money-£60
Counselling- £180
Clothes-£50 (always something wearing out)
Horesriding-£100
Pocket money-£100
Phone bill-£50
Total £560

Plus the commom texts. ' please can I have £20 to go out with so and so?' Can I get my nails, eyelashes, highlights done?

I realise a lot of this could be cut. But I think lots of people spend a lot on teens. They are bloody expensive.

I guess it's all about priorities. My kids have never had any desire for an expensive phone. They have Samsung Galaxy A13s which work perfectly well with all their apps. None of us in this house have overpriced Apple products. There are other things we'd rather spend on eg me and both teens love theatre so spend much more than is sensible on tickets.

Plus DS 14 constantly loses stuff so no way in hell he would be getting a £1000 phone lol.

My oldest is 18 and not expensive at all.

Bus money is around £80pcm.
Pocket money £20
Phone £10
They're, maybe, £150 to feed.
Clothes money £100 a year outside of Christmas and birthdays.

It's been like this since they have turned 16, less before then as bus money was not needed.
They shop in charity shops, on Vinted and do clothes swaps with friends. They work part-time around A-levels, though the money is currently ring-fenced for a long school trip they're financing.

Mostly out of necessity, but also as a life lesson, my children have been raised to respect money and save for luxuries. I wouldn't dream of financing false lashes, salon visits, branded trainers or hugely expensive hobbies. All of them have had experience of some hobby stuff (instruments, sports, ballet), but those were cheap, weekly activities, often discounted through school. They buy "stuff" with pocket money or wait for birthdays and Christmas.

So none of mine have ended up costing much.

My teen son costs just as much as my teen daughter, driving lessons aside but that will be equal by the time they’ve both learned. Maybe he even costs more as he needs more frequent haircuts! No way am I paying for nails, eyelashes etc. as they’re in no way essential. More fool the parents who do!

Exactly why is it an issue if they are privileged, though?

Being privileged itself isn't the issue, not being aware of it definitely is an issue. If you don't understand that then you have privilege blindness. 😧

You can be privileged in one or more ways and also disadvantaged in others. You must realise that.

At 17 she must get a job and you need to hand out less money. She will not learn to budget in this situation.

She hasn't been able to until now. She is applying.

So, privileged blindness? It's really not something I'm going to lose any sleep over.

Based on your replies already I didn't think you cared much. It's still there though.

DD16 - £50 pocket money , £17 cinema card, £10 mobile sim, £200 psychiatrist, clothes £50, hair £ 50, ad hoc stuff £20

My daughter trained as a professional ballet dancer, and Christ Almighty they are incredibly strong and agile. She could easily take someone out with a kick in the head, no trouble.

To be fair, most girls/teens who do ballet lessons won't be as successful as your daughter.

Yes I know, I was pointing out to the pp who was being condescending about ballet that isn't all airy-fairy and wafting about on tippy-toes, and that it is actually very physically demanding. That goes for teenage recreational dancers of all sorts, not just ballet.

How is doing something they love, is good for them, develops great core strength, good posture, they have friends there - pointless? No idea how it's living vicariously through them either - drop them off, and go and do something I enjoy, pick them up. Strange outlook.

And, given that, what difference does it make if they're successful or not?

I don't think anyone who actually engages their brain would think it's all wafting about. It takes immense strength and control to perhaps give the impression of wafting about.

Did it matter to your daughter if she was successful?

Did it matter to your daughter if she was successful?

I doubt it's crossed her mind. She's goes to ballet because she enjoys it.

Averages over the year probably:

At 14 (girl): £385 ish

Allowance: £30
Clothes: Prob £30 average, she loves Vinted
Lunches: £20 (takes packed lunches so this is extras)
Sport: £30 membership

£30 kit (average)
£100 (average) events and competitions
£75 petrol to training
Gym membership: £20
Phone: £30
Additional toiletries: £10
Haircuts: £10 (average as only every few months)

At 12 (boy): £175

Allowance: £20
Bus: £30
Lunches: £20, as above
Sport: £20 membership (same sport, doesn't compete yet)
Gym membership: £20
Scout subs: £10
Phone: £10
Haircuts: £15
Clothes: £30

An interesting conversation to have with students, though it is a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string' situation - their costs may be very different, and it is possible that child benefit plays a significant role in their care, and what is expensive to one person is entirely out of reach or pocket change to another.

For my 13 and 15 year old:
Transport - monthly bus ticket, about £40 a month each
Lunch - 15 year old packs her own, 13 year old goes through about £40 per month
Phone - Our total bill for 6 phones is about £45 a month.
Pocket Money: They each get £8 a week, they also get a bit added on if they go to the shops to pick things up for the household to buy something for themselves or do something where I've said I'll pay them to do it.
Clothes - This isn't a monthly expense for us, and usually gifts or occasion specific, like I promised my 15 year old a suit for prom, with the goal it would be one she could wear to other occasions in the future. She found one at a charity shop for £12 and we agreed to get a fancy waistcoat to go with it that she'll earn doing household work (she already has a £40 top that she earned doing garden work - she wants to go, as she put it, "full drama student" for prom, but she needs to check if they'll let her take a cane).
They tend to have friends over here & chill in our dining room rather than go out with them, especially at this time of year. They don't ask for money for it unless it's a very special occasion. Their bus tickets gets them where they want to go and pocket/chore money does the rest.
I do their haircuts and neither have been interested in having their nails done since they were tiny and painting each other's nails.
The 15 year old has asked for rock climbing course with passes as a post-GCSE reward, which will cost £15 a week for the course + ~£60 a month for the unlimited climbing time, which we've agreed for 2 months to cover the course time.

My 18 year old is a full-time apprentice. If she had gone to sixth form or college instead, she would have expenses similar to the other two. As it is, she's part of the family phones (as is my 20 year old), but I've not paid for her transport or pocket money since she started her apprenticeship over a year ago. She either buys a bus ticket or uses the adapted bike she bought (which has been great for her, but it takes ages when it needs repairs as replacement parts are harder to get).
She usually packs a lunch. For clothes, she either buys her own or asks for them as gifts, though she'd rather have books and art supplies.
I do her haircuts, though she occasionally buys box dye & turns our bathroom sink red or purple.
She pays rent and one bill (I think having name and responsibility of a bill is important for many reasons), puts the same as her rent into savings each month.

They can be expensive, like all of us, but many are more content and financially sensible than are often portrayed.

I think once they get to a certain stage then success does matter to them, a lot of the time anyway.

Genuine questions;

• Was your child guided or encouraged to do ballet?
• Did your child specifically and independently volunteer, of all the extra curricular choices, decide to do ballet?
• Did you, as a parent, specifically encourage activities which would develop her 'core strengths' as you put it?

That's I say vicariously, as there is no way a child 4+ decides to do Ballet!. It's parent driven in my humble opinion.

My daughter decided to do ballet aged 4-6. There was some in the street advertising and she picket ballet out of all the choices, including street dancing, tap dancing and other more popular choices. She made friends and that kept her going every week. It stopped when we had to move and that meant leaving those friends behind, otherwise she might have kept up with it all. I'm glad she didn't (I know some people who were still ballet dancing in their teens and have heard horror stories about the bodies girls are required to aspire to).

People have all kinds of interests, there is no need to belittle the parents over the choices the children make. It's not parents living through their children to expose them to different aspects of our culture.

@ConstanceM what a strange thing to say! All the girls in DSs class (5) are obsessed with ballet to the point quite a few of the boys want to go too (Inc DS) ~ I'm always discussing with the mums at pick-up about how long we reckon the kids will keep doing it (as it's at a really awkward time of day!) This includes parents of older children too! Absolutely none of them seem to be 'driving it' for their children 😂