To ask DH’s cleaner to help me as well

[Suefr]

We are a large blended family with 5 children in total, but no joint children. DH’s children (secondary school) are slightly older than mine (primary school) but we all get on well. His children come and stay with us on alternative weeks and his system works well for us.

As I am a SAHM I do most of the housework and cooking, and I am fine with this. However, a few months ago I became annoyed at the amount of housework I was expected to do and the lack of support from DH. In particular, he was annoyed that I wasn’t ironing his clothes and I was upset at being treated like a maid.
As a compromise, DH hired a neighbour’s cleaner to help. She can only do 1 hour twice a week. She comes to our house when she finishes at our neighbour’s. In these 2 hours she will wash and iron DH & his children’s clothes, and tidy his office and their bedrooms. However, she will politely decline any requests I make for help. I have spoken to DH and he has fobbed me off, telling me that she is helping us out. But it’s obvious, she is there only to help him out and not me.

I made that quote, I was totally wrong and corrected it. I missed (don’t know how!) that she was a SAHM!

You are completely right!

Well why doesn’t she go out to work to earn some money to pay for her own cleaner.
why should he go out to work to earn all the money for the family including children that aren’t his whilst the op sits back doing not much

Well the OP is at home all day, she surely needs something to do, it sounds very reasonable to me.

That's not the situation here. He supports her and her children. She complained about how much housework she has to do. He hired a cleaner to take care of his and his children's clothes and bedrooms and his office. He took that off OP's shoulders. But now she has cleaner creep and wants the cleaner to do tasks that she was not hired to do.

OP is being unreasonable in trying to over burden the cleaner.

2 hours isn't a lot of time to get those tasks done. I don't think she is refusing because you are asking but because she can't fit more into her hours.
I don't see why you aren't doing these things yourself, seems crazy to spend the money when you appear to have the capability to do them.

You complained to your DH about having too much workload and that you don't want to iron his clothes so he pays someone to do that. You gave him a problem and he solved it. Be happy about that. Now you have more time to do whatever it is you prefer doing.

Why? He is fully supporting her, expecting her to clean up after herself isn’t that much of an expectation

🧐

So lets get this straight. He pays for you and your kids and for you to be a SAHM. He likes his thing ironed. You don't want to iron them. So he's paid for someone to come in and iron his stuff and as an added bonus clean his office and his kids rooms. You haven't got babies or toddlers you've got kids in the latter years of primary. You're incredibly fortunate.

He expected you to iron his shirts as you are at home, and have time on your hands when the kids are at school. You felt bad that you were being treated like a maid, but this is what the agreement is no ?He brings in the money and you do the housework? Now you want help with that too. You cant eat the cake and keep it. You are being a bit of a CF really. If doing housework is making you resentful, just go back to work, and share the housework equally. What is stopping you from going back to work?

So the cleaner does all his clothes and his children’s. Cleans his children’s rooms and his office.

Surely that leaves most of the mess as your children’s and yours anyway. Your guys washing, their bedrooms. Then communal areas and his children are not there much so again your children’s mess and clutter mainly in the living areas.

You are taking the piss

His kids are only there every other week as well. The OP didn't say but perhaps her kids also go to their fathers.

Her husband is completely funding the OP and her 2 kids (no joint kids). She can't even be arsed to iron his shirts. It's not the husband who is the wanker.

But you're an SAHM. Presumably your husband supports you financially, and you do your bit by running the household as you're not earning actual money - you're contributing in kind.

What else do you do all day ...?

Your kids are at school all day, you're not really a SAHM. Why do you need help from a cleaner when you are child free all day?

If you were a man, you'd be considered a cocklodger.

So he’s housing and feeding your kids but you won’t wash his kids clothes is that right?

I suspect I know why his first marriage failed...

Suspect we can also work out why ops did….

And OPs!

Your expectations are very unreasonable @Suefr.
You are a SAHM and he is fully supporting you financially and 2 or 3 children that are not his. But you won't even do his or the children's laundry (the children's laundry must be a very small amount if they are only in your home 2 days out of 14). You complained about doing housework so he has arranged for someone to do his laundry/ ironing and you are still complaining! Why can't a SAHM with children in school all day manage to do the housework relating to herself and her own children?

It seems we know why the OP's first marriage failed!

Fully funded by two men.

One ex and one who looks like his getting fed up of being her new golden goose.

Hire your own cleaner a couple or three hours a fortnight and outsource ironing. There are plenty of ironing shops around. It won't break the bank.

I don't see the problem. While supporting you to not work so you can stay at home and focus on your own children, he sorts out his and his children's laundry and personal spaces because you said it is too much for you. It's a bit cheeky to want to do even less as a SAHM.