Teachers I need solidarity before I leave the profession

[Soniastrumpet1984]

I love teaching. I have done it for 22 years.
I am sick of parents moaning. Today has put the tin hat on it.
Here's my situation (this is not exact but an approximation as close to similar as I can get it without putting actual details.)
Let's say I've been teaching French bakery recipes to my cooking club. A local French bakery has offered to host 5 students( in its tiny kitchen) on Saturday morning at 7.30am before they open so they can watch the pastry chef making the items. This is a total favour and just a nice thing they do not have to do. They did this as on my way to work, I was chatting whilst waiting to get my coffee. I as a teacher have agreed to give up my Saturday morning to take them. Every child in cookery club was offered the experience, by email with their parent copied in. It was NOT first come first served, they were clearly told if there's more than 5, we will draw out of a hat. There were more than 5 interested , so I wrote them all on pieces of paper and trotted next door to a different teacher, who came and drew 5 names out. Now I have Two parental complaints demanding to see photos of the slips and why didn't I video the draw and provide evidence. I know it's Friday and I'm tired but fuck I want to leave.

No, they wouldn’t. Nearly every teacher that I know is sick and tired of the barrage of aggression that they face.

The exceptions are those that have moved to schools in the islands of Scotland - and one particular school in the Highlands.

I really appreciate everything teachers do for our kids every day and so far have never complained about a thing. But to be honest. I would not appreciate it if 5 kids of the group got to do a fun activity while others who also wanted to join got left out. It’s good the activity wasn’t on a school day, so not as obvious to the ones who didn’t get to go. As a parent, I don’t think I would have even mentioned the chance of the activity to my child unless they had actually won the chance to go, though.

Said I’ve never complained but am now contemplating emailing DS soccer team about the way to give out prizes after matches. My DS has eagerly attended all three matches since he joined the team, but hasn’t yet received the prize, which is given to like half the kids. They have so far given it to the same kids each time. They’re six for gods sake and everyone who joins should get a prize in turns. I hope not all feedback from parents is seen as unreasonable complaining. Sometimes the practices are less than fair.

I find this attitude so hard to get my head round. Had this been my school, my daughter would definitely have wanted to go, and definitely been disappointed she didn’t get picked. That’s ok! It’s part of life, she’s disappointed sometimes; there are also a huge number of things she does get to experience. If no one goes, then my daughter still doesn’t get the experience- but neither does anyone else, it seems so pointless!

Our school recently diverted all emails to the office rather than teachers directly. I’m presuming this is why.

In sport not everyone wins

Maybe instead of asking the team to give everyone a turning up prize (after all it can't be a kid of the match prize if it is given out to everyone in turn) why not say to your child 'it's OK to be disappointed but if you really want something you try hard, train hard and show your coach how much you want it and one day you will get it"

I really would not complain to the coach. Likelihood is they are volunteers who are doing something nice for children. Maybe they will decide not to bother.

They are not 6. It's not a prize for who Is good. It's a totally normal lots of people want to go, only some can. Like every theatre, cinema etc etc
I understand little kids might not want to get excited about something and parents might not mention it until they are sure they have secured the tickets but once you get beyond a certain age, sometimes not getting to do.something is a totally normal part of life. I've just changed my car, I thought I could get a silver one which I wanted, turns out its not available at my price range . I haven't had a breakdown over it

Sounds draining. I work in the NHS so know what a slog these careers can be at times. Constant giving so much of ourselves.

I emailed school recently to ask them to let the science teacher and English teacher know that they are having a positive impact on my child. People forget teachers need some merits too. A pat on the back can go a long way. As parents we should do this more. We need to lift one another.

To clarify. They have been about six kids of the team joining the matches, not everyone joins. Then maybe three gets a prize. They are 6 yos. At that age I think it would be reasonable to reward everyone just for joining the matches at least sometimes. Obviously I tell my child the important thing is to have fun and he’ll get a prize eventually.

Ha ha ha you have outed yourself as one of ‘those’ parents.

OP should have had a baking competition, that is absolutely nuts! And if parents want to remove their children from the nativity, tough tits their kids are disappointed. Get them to join a theatre group if they are that bothered.

Parents like you are the ones that are making teaching a nightmare so that fantastic teachers leave the profession.

I'm not a teacher anymore, I left 4 years ago. One of the reasons was all the unpaid extra work I was doing.

One example, I ran 2 recorder clubs after school. I had limited spaces due to only having 30 recorders, so did the names out of a hat thing in front of my class. Parents moaned (but no one offered to buy their child a recorder.) Another parent who's son did get a place moaned that I hadn't started the club that same day. (I needed to send letters home first to inform parents!)

I arranged for them all to play one morning as the rest of the school were walking into, and then out of assembly. The main assembly was led by a colleague and wasn't about the music. A group of parents complained that I hadn't let them come and watch.

So I arranged another assembly where the main event was the recorder groups playing, and invited parents. One complained that they were at work so couldn't come.

So the following year I didn't run the clubs. Parents moaned of course but I had just been pushed too far.

Drawing names out the hat was definitely the fairest way, and as others have said, it could have led to future opportunities and another 5 being allowed to go.

A baking competition is ridiculous and less objective in my view. Who would judge it? You then have the risk of the teacher being accused of favourites, it not being fair because Sophie's mum is a cake maker, Jonny being disadvanged because he can't afford the same ingredients as everyone else... The list of potential problems is endless. The PTA did a pumpkin carving competition at our school and this was bad enough, some kids clearly had a lot of 'help' while others were allowed to do their own. It was a real issue for the teachers who were asked to judge the winners as what do you go for? The ones that look amazing (because parents did it), or the ones where you know the children did it but don't look as good (so as soon as you say they won, the other parents complain as theirs looked better). This would be the same issue with a baking competition.

If the poster does go ahead and take the 5 children to the bakery then I assume it's unlikely they will be giving up their time, for free, to do this again.

Oh god this gives me the absolute rage!!
Class full of kids, many who are perfectly well behaved and don't do a thing wrong. But who is star of the week? Oh it's little Jackson again, because this week he only shouted at people, pushed them over and broke their pencil, but yay he didn't punch anyone in the face!

Why does there have to be competition so often for little kids? Can’t it be a pumpkin exhibition instead of competition? Or baking without selecting a winner - everyone can taste other kids stuff etc…these are just examples but I would love more this kind of thinking vs always making it a competition.

I don't disagree, but it's a shame that we can't have competitions without parents complaining.

Tough one op, you clearly felt motivated by doing something extra. I’m not aware we’ve had any trips for a small group, they’ve always been for everyone

Also all emails go to a list eg attendance / office etc maybe you’d be better off that way

At my DC's school (a few years back) it was impossible to ever speak to the teacher. The receptionist was like a nasty version of GP receptionist and parents weren't allowed on the site.
Do we want to return to those dark days.

Because competition is healthy.
And a child who is crap at sports and not very academic might finally have their chance to win something when there are things like the pumpkin competition.

Or it’s another thing they don’t win as only one can win

Tbh I wouldn't go if not all pupils had the offer.
Case closed.

But that's true of lots of things and it's something we all have to learn to deal with.

Not everyone will get the job/university place/house etc that they want. Sometimes other people will be more successful. It's hard but it's life!

I don't think our school would do it.

I once organised a school trip to the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Abbey for our students. Communication sent to parents that the coach would return from London to the school at approximately 7pm but that it could be earlier or later depending on traffic and was just an approximate time. I built in lots of buffer time too to account for rush hour traffic.

On the way back, traffic was heavy so at 6pm, got all students to text parents that the ETA would be closer to 7.30pm. Also sent a mass email out from my phone to all parents. Coach arrived at school at 7.25pm and the utter fury I was met with from parents who arrived that we were half an hour late was insane. Either that they were waiting around or had had their evening plans immeasurably disrupted by the change of timing. All the kids were grateful and said thank you but not one nice word from the parents apart from grumbling. Not even Nostradamus could predict to the exact minute when a coach will return in heavy traffic.

A colleague of mine was assaulted by a parent when the bus back to school broke down. The children were collected in another bus but were obviously late back.

What's wrong with kids being disappointed sometimes ? That's life

In this circumstance the parents are being completely crap and I feel for you.

With the dietary requirements I do feel for the parents sometimes though. My daughter has coeliac and there have been so many times she’s been left to feel completely excluded and she knows fine well the staff moan about children with dietary requirements. I feel I could never say anything because the staff are doing a nice thing just not a nice thing for my child who is invisible to them most of the time anyway.

Say for example this trip had allowed unlimited numbers. My daughter would have been very likely unable to participate. That doesn’t negate that you have done a lovely thing to give up your Saturday morning but it wouldn’t have stopped her being the only one feeling sad at home either.

The way I see it is that kids get plenty of chances to be disappointed in life no matter what the adults around them do. They don’t need to not win competitions and what not to be taught about disappointment.