To sit an exam at 18 months?

[Name90210]

Sorry if this double posts, the app seems glitchy today!

AIBU or is this really the case…?

I have spent a lot of time reading about the various exams for North London prep schools and we already feel “put off” by schools assessing at aged 3 for a spot at age 4. But that seems to be the norm so we shall accept that!

However, AIBU that a prep school nursery wants to assess my 18 month old for a spot when he turns 2? I feel it’s not right to judge an 18 month old, and he is still rather clingy and very shy in new environments given his age. So I feel uncomfortable that they’d be watching him play and assessing if he’s good enough. HE IS 18 MONTHS…..

AIBU that this is bizarre?

But why just this one school and no others do at such a young age??

But they're not assessing him for a place at school age 4, they are assessing him for a place at nursery age 2. I imagine most of the nursery kids go to the school?

They're still assessing you 😂

I've worked for many years as a childminder and I have a lot of experience of prep schools. The environments and procedures might be different, but the end result is the same. It's an assessment to see if you and your child will fit.

Private nurseries, childminders and schools will have no available place for a parent or child they can see is going to be a nightmare!

@MyDeftDuck how can you presume to know what others parents would want?
My son is autistic. He is also highly intelligent and very capable of managing (not masking) his Autism when he feels safe. I was told by his previous school that he “would need to be in a special school for his whole school career” and had similar ableist junk thrown around by parents.
Prior to this school he had been fully settled and thriving in a mainstream nursery with very few adaptations.
Now he is thriving in a mainstream Primary with one adaptation - a wobble cushion.
The difference? Teachers who were able to help
my child feel safe, who offered hugs rather than recoiled and who accepted him.
So what would I like? My child to have the full access to education that he deserves, rather than to be written off by well meaning (benefit of doubt) but poorly informed grown ups. Including children with SEN in a mainstream setting is appropriate for many children with SEN (not all of course).
Teachers are NOT diagnosticians. Other parents certainly are not.

I mean, you are by definition opting for a school that is exclusive and elitist. So you can't really have an issue when they put their elitist values into practice.

Literally the best state schools are in London, so just use one of those.

You can assess if an 18 month old is reaching their developmental milestones in 20 mins. Health visitors do this all the time. As do other health & social care professionals.

They can assess walking, gross motor skills, verbal comprehension & articulation, concentration, sociability, compliance, peer interactions, play patterns, fine motor skills, familiarity with toys, pictures etc.

The gap between rich & poor kids is already evident at this age.

At 18 months? This is the first I’ve heard of from over 20 schools I’ve researched.

But if your child is rather shy they may do all of the above but not in front of strangers is the point I am trying to make.

This is gross.

Obviously the wrong school fir him then. There are plenty of others but private schools set their own agendas.

Spend your teaching time with child on building independence.
look for advice online

He is 18m. It is developmentally normal for him to be comfortable with me. Do you not get that?

I’d be very surprised if they “rejected” him for being shy in a new environment.

With a little coaxing and engagement from you, maybe he would come out of his shell and interact.

Personally I don’t see the harm in going to the meeting and seeing what happens. You might be surprised.

LazJaz The point I way trying to make was that parents would want the best for their child - I wasn't implying that all children with educational needs should be in SEN establishments.
And I am genuinely pleased that your own son is thriving in a place where he is happy and his needs are being met.

Thank you. We’ve decided not to go as there as don’t agree with an 18m old being assessed regardless. So it’d be wasting their and our time!

Well they wouldn’t would they. And the people whose children are refused won’t say anything either, but you can bet your last 20p that those who are graciously accepted to go forward to the next stage will drop it into every gap in every conversation for the next 12 months.

My son was flagged as SEN at two and yes I was very surprised. He’s a teen now and very academic with a fab bunch of friends. It was nonsense but there we have it. He certainly wouldn’t have made it into that prep school.

In the nicest way I don’t think they would drop it in convo. Out of the 5 prep schools in the area and approx 12 in neighbouring areas, this one performs the worst and is the least “desired”. Often seen as a back up by parents!

Maybe they don't want shy kids.

It's sounds like you're less bothered about the idea of assessing 18 months olds and more concerned that your child won't pass.

There will be enough 18 month olds who aren't shy to fill the 20 or so spaces they have.

Maybe they don’t! But my issue is that they shouldn’t be assessing at this age. Shy or not. Every 18m old is so different!!

But you thought enough of the school to contact them and ask about the admission procedure instead of crossing them off your list ……l

These assessments are hugely overrated. We did assessments for a few of the north London preps and got offers from the ones who offered already and are waiting for the second round results for the others, with no tutoring, etc. DS just went along and was himself.

At these young ages, they just want to see what your child is like. It’s not stressful, it’s not a big deal. They have an idea of what sort of child they want in their school / nursery and simply want to see if your child ticks those boxes or not.

If you don’t like the idea of it, then don’t apply to one?

I agree it's madness.

But it's also mad at 3 and 7 and they assess then too. Every three year old and seven year old is also very different.

If they can see what they like/don't like at 18 months then it makes sense for them to select at that age. Maybe they're selecting parents who think testing 18 month olds is appropriate and won't then object when they start piling on the pressure for the 7+ when they're 5?!

The whole system is horrible, maybe reconsider opting into it?

As a back up because we have just moved and incase the others didn’t have space 😂!

I know i am going to get slated for this but Pre preps and preps are by and large exclusionary anyway. They exclude children based on their economic status for a start. I am guessing if your little one was not shy and would go get stuck in he'd be attending this "exam". The reason you are saying "this school is not for me" , is not because they seem to exclude children with SEN, it's because you know they'll probably not offer him a place as he hides behind you in new environments and is shy. Please don't pretend you are boycotting because you've now been made aware that they are probably trying to exclude SEN children.

I totally agree with all of this. And indeed whether the area and schools are right for us!