Do you put work before DC?

[Saycheeseburgers]

I work in a male team where my colleagues put work first, without a doubt. Working late most nights, skipping taking their children to activities in favour of working.

I just won’t do this. I imagine it might impact my promotionability, but I don’t believe it should so for now I don’t care. I work hard during my work hours, but I finish by 5-5:30pm to meet my DC needs. I don’t miss Christmas shows or assemblies (I take my own flexi time to make up for these).

I would consider keeping a roof over my kids head THE priority over having to miss an activity. That is putting the kids first. Unless you mean choosing to hang out at work because you don’t want to go to their nativity play. I think that would be few parents.

I’d like to say I don’t but in reality if my job needs me in and it means me missing something important to my kids because otherwise I lose my job I’ve no choice there

My colleague has been in the same role for 20 years!

No

my work is very strong on work life balance and working late is discouraged and support for family life is enabled.

Yeah not what I mean really. This is just a normal Tuesday night!

You could argue - very easily - that working to earn money so your kids have a roof over their heads, have food etc and can go on holidays etc is as much prioritising them as finishing early.

Moral is, probably best not to judge.

This describes me very well. And DH actually, although he works evenings more than me (but then works more hours as I’m PT, so gets paid more!).

@HippyKayYay thanks for that.
I work in a hospital and yes id love to be around always and never miss a school show.
My patients get sick 24hrs and this year i got callled n on Christmas day. Did i get a choice no..would someone have died if i didnt go in...probably.
But im still a good Mum!

If there was an “angry” reaction…!!!! Same industry - ha! It’s meant to be very female but in my experience, very male!

Sometimes i have to. Im currently working on something critical and so my hours have been insane, I’v barely seen anyone this week. My DH is picking up the slack, same as I would for him. Equally, DD has a hospital appt tomorrow and i am taking her so I just prioritise what i need to as and when.

It’s all about balance to me! Sometimes when there are big problems or a deadline I work late. Sometimes when i have sick kids or a nativity play i leave early.

I had a male colleague with 4 kids and almost daily he was late or left early because there was something at school to be done, or a party he had to take them. It was all a bit too much really. I don’t think it is fair to always prioritize everything of your kids above your work.

What grade are these people? It's not a good look

This.

OP, you are being oversimplistic here - maybe a little defensive?
You are certainly coming across as judgmental.

As several others have said, being a parent and working is a bit of a juggling act. For me it is about finding the right balance.

You do realise that lots of people can't "just take flexitime" because it is their child's nativity? Would you be happy if your child's teacher just took the morning off, to see their child's nativity ? Or if your operation got cancelled because one of the theatre team just decided they needed to take a couple of hours out ? Same for many, many people in many, many jobs.

You might call it "putting your work before your dc" but others might realise they need to work to put a roof over the heads of those dc, let alone fund everything else in life.

Nope, nor does DH.

Would you be happy if your child's teacher just took the morning off, to see their child's nativity ?

Sibling, best friend & cousin all teachers who get time off for things like the above...

My DC’s teachers are both job shares, very supportive of the balance!

But I should’ve been more explicit in my post about the type of work. Obviously if it’s life or death, it’s different. Or, if you are in a shitty industry which would sack you for leaving on time. But in a non sackable industry, it’s insanity. I’m not saying I leave early every day. Yesterday I logged on at 8:15am, off at 5:45pm. But I refuse to work late countless evenings because who will remember that or thank me? Plus I want to spend time with my DC, they’re in school all day.

I definitely have in the past but only in a ‘scared to phone in sick when kiddo is off so sent to grandparents instead’ kind of way.

Not now.

@Coldanddamp what about doctors ot nurses?
Id love to see your face if they said sorry your child is sick and needs my medical attention but my child is on stage in 30mins...gotta go sorry.

I used to work as an EA to Directors and some men would be on the phone home waxing lyrical about how they have to work late and are so sorry miss xyz... only to then sit at their desk dicking around on random things that are not really a priority.

I think the tide is turning and younger men are now more involved with family life and will try to put their children first more often but I think it often comes down to "where there's a will, there is a way".

My Post is driven by frustration in part - my colleagues don’t piss about but it’s all disorganised chaos which is why nothing gets done!

What grade are they?

I work in a male dominated industry and have to work harder if I want to continue to progress which I do so I try my best to avoid meetings at certain times but sometimes they happen.

I feel like I balance both well but also that mothers still have to apologise for enjoying their career and wanting to continue to progress and not slow down.

@HebburnPokemon between 7 and SCS.

Pisses me off that working harder still seems to = longer. Productivity wise I get way more done than many because I work smarter!

For me, it usually means working at odd hours so I start working at 5am to get 2 hours in before DC wake up. I also try not to work evenings but if I do, it isn't until after 7 when they are in bed. I do have a lot of flexibility but I had to work incredibly long hours to get here.