To make yet another school absence request?

[Kat2025]

DD is in Y3. At the end of Reception, we received a letter from the school alerting us to her attendance having dropped to 94%, which was due to two cases of vomiting and her catching Covid-19 twice in that year. Since then, she has only been sick occasionally, and nowhere near enough to raise any attendance issues.

The thing is, we have family abroad and are regularly invited to big events such as weddings. For example, in Y2, SIL1 got married in Central America (where the couple are from). For that occasion, I asked for - and was granted - two days off school, which helpfully took place right after half-term. This June, my uncle and aunt are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary in Germany (their home country), so I asked for two days off school, which I have not heard back about, yet.

Now, one of DH's cousins is getting married in Colombia (the couple's home country) a week before the 2025 Christmas holidays. With the flights the way they are to that particular corner of Colombia, DD would have to miss the last 6 days of the autumn term in Y4.

As an aside, there are plenty more cousins and even another SIL who all might get married in the Americas or in Germany in next few years, and obviously we cannot be sure that such events would take place during our school holidays. Perhaps I should not worry about what might or might not happen, but this possible trip to Colombia is stressing me out, even more over the school issue than over the expense. Still, family - even somewhat distant family whom we do not see much but get on fine with - is very important to us, and I would hate for us all to miss out on an opportunity to see the wider family and celebrate the couple's wedding. After all, the groom and his family travelled from Colombia to Scotland to attend our wedding.

I would really appreciate some advice because I don't think I am rational about school attendance anymore. Thank you in advance for any words of wisdom you might have.

YABU - your DD is missing far too much school over the years. Save the absence request for SIL2, should she and her boyfriend decide to tie the knot.

YANBU - before Y6, you can make a few absence requests, if these are for important family events. If the school administrators say no, you can always reconsider.

I'm not in England so don't need to worry about this, but I think I would just accept that there will be fines and make the decisions about which events to attend based on your own finances and your comfort with the DCs missing the relevant school days. Look at each request in isolation and try avoid planning too far in advance.

I don't think an aunt and uncle's golden wedding would be a good enough reason to take a child out of school, nor a cousin's wedding.
The school might look more kindly on requests if you choose to attend the more important occasions of closer family members.

I agree with @BarbaraHoward and I think you need to decide which are really important enough for her to miss so much school. Especially if there are other occasions on the horizon.

You might consider arriving and leaving after before others or not attending some. Germany you can go Friday pm return Sunday. Aunt and uncle and cousis are not so close. if there are going to be so many then pick and choose.

Why are you requesting absence? Is this a state school? You don't need their permission, assuming you understand the factors to consider you make your choice in the knowledge that you may get a fine and the absence will be unauthorized

This June, my uncle and aunt are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary in Germany

This is absolutely not a reasonable reason to take a child out of school.

I’m not normally a stickler about school absences and think it’s very important for kids to attend family weddings but 6 days off after a few other spells within less than 2 years is too much

As an aside I’m rather jealous at you knowing so many people across the globe and being able to visit. The family member further from me is in Wales 🤣

If its scotland you live we don't give fines. So the school may say no to the break but you could still go and it would just be unauthorised absence.
It does sound like a lot of absences though.
Also she may actually become ill and need real sickness absence so something to consider.

A golden wedding anniversary is not essential, a school won’t grant this. I do think that when the weddings are as frequent as your families then you need to consider sending one family member, unless its school holidays or once per year. This is too much.

You dont need permission to take them out but you do need permission for the school to authorise the absence. And if OP wants to avoid a fine or worse then she will need to ask permission for that authorisation. It’s also perhaps quite a decent thing to at least say “Sally won’t be in school on X and Y of June” so they at least know not to expect her those morning.

Schools cannot authorise this kind of absence op. If you want to take your DC out of school, do it and pay the fines. It's up to you, your family and finances as to whether you attend these family events. Personally I wouldn't be schlepping half way across the world a week before Christmas for a cousin's wedding.

I don’t think they’ll say yes to a golden wedding anniversary, it won’t be classed as important. You’ll either have to go unauthorized or not go. I don’t really have a problem with taking kids out of school sometimes for a holiday or family event, but it sounds like you’ve had a lot already and will have lot more to come so you’re going to have to prioritize which you think are the most important and not go to all of them.

I dont see any school seeing these reasons as justification for missing so much school time. Death of close family overseas etc yes....wedding of a cousin no. Definitely not at anniversary. That's ridiculous

I would be surprised with the new rules from August any of this being authorised

so it will come down to 10 sessions/5 days in a 10 week period so you will be fined

could you do autumn 4 days instead as that won’t be fined

absence resets each school year so the year 3 won’t affect year 4. And if you could do 4 rather than 6 that would remove the fine as well

there is no point saving it up there is no bank of days to save

The school can't say no, but it will be unauthorised. DS' School mark it as unauthorised-family holiday, presumably so they have a record of the reason in case questions are asked at a later date.

OP irrespective of fines, approval, or lack thereof, I would suggest prioritising which family events to attend. It sounds like there could be many invitations over the coming years, and it just won't be practical to go to everything

Doesn't matter how you're related (eg cousins or aunts or siblings or whatever) what matters is how important these people and events are to you? How much do you really want to be there? My opinion is you can't put life on hold until your DD finishes formal education. If they are really important events (important to you that is, regardless of whether it's an anniversary or cousins wedding) then factor in the cost of the fines and go. The school literally cannot authorise them they're not allowed to.

There are parents who choose to home school which means they are not affected by term dates. However if you sending your child to school absence will affect the rhythm of learning and socialising. Travelling means upheaval. Your child can have experiences of meeting family and seeing other countries during school holidays.

I don't agree with fines and I think England is ridiculous with its obsession with school absences, however I don't think a great aunt and uncle's golden wedding anniversary is a good reason to take a child out of school. Nor do I think that you need to attend every (or any) cousins' weddings if it means multiple days off school. This is frankly taking the piss a bit. You need to prioritise and save up absences for those that really matter.

hmm whilst I don’t think that missing school for the odd event is a massive deal, I think missing school and have a several days long trip for a great-aunts golden wedding party is really random and unnecessary for a 7yr old. I’m sure going to Columbia for the wedding woukd be super exciting but again is she actually bothered about going. Can you and DH not divide and conquer, do you all have to go to everything ?

Life is too short! Travel and family are import!
I would take them out for all those occasions without a doubt. I don't ever ask school, I just tell them a few days before.
If you were worried about missing learning then buy age appropriate work books for maths and English and do 10 mins here and there why you're away.

Education has to come first. None of the suggested events are exceptional or merit taking a child out of school. Unfortunately, the fact that your family lives in different countries simply means that there are some things you will just have to miss.

No these aren't good reasons for your child to miss school.

The anniversary of a great aunt or uncle is not an occasion for a child to miss school! Same re parents cousins weddings. These aren't close family. Can you ask the other side of the family to come & visit with your DD for a few days to allow you & DH to go snd leave daughter home?

Ironically... this might actually be below the threshold for the fines, unlike a child having one 5 day absence in their school life

You will need to learn to prioritise though, or find childcare.

They can't authorise a holiday so permission isn't relevant

Of course they can tell them in advance, I'm not suggesting they literally just don't turn up.