To make yet another school absence request?

[Kat2025]

DD is in Y3. At the end of Reception, we received a letter from the school alerting us to her attendance having dropped to 94%, which was due to two cases of vomiting and her catching Covid-19 twice in that year. Since then, she has only been sick occasionally, and nowhere near enough to raise any attendance issues.

The thing is, we have family abroad and are regularly invited to big events such as weddings. For example, in Y2, SIL1 got married in Central America (where the couple are from). For that occasion, I asked for - and was granted - two days off school, which helpfully took place right after half-term. This June, my uncle and aunt are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary in Germany (their home country), so I asked for two days off school, which I have not heard back about, yet.

Now, one of DH's cousins is getting married in Colombia (the couple's home country) a week before the 2025 Christmas holidays. With the flights the way they are to that particular corner of Colombia, DD would have to miss the last 6 days of the autumn term in Y4.

As an aside, there are plenty more cousins and even another SIL who all might get married in the Americas or in Germany in next few years, and obviously we cannot be sure that such events would take place during our school holidays. Perhaps I should not worry about what might or might not happen, but this possible trip to Colombia is stressing me out, even more over the school issue than over the expense. Still, family - even somewhat distant family whom we do not see much but get on fine with - is very important to us, and I would hate for us all to miss out on an opportunity to see the wider family and celebrate the couple's wedding. After all, the groom and his family travelled from Colombia to Scotland to attend our wedding.

I would really appreciate some advice because I don't think I am rational about school attendance anymore. Thank you in advance for any words of wisdom you might have.

YABU - your DD is missing far too much school over the years. Save the absence request for SIL2, should she and her boyfriend decide to tie the knot.

YANBU - before Y6, you can make a few absence requests, if these are for important family events. If the school administrators say no, you can always reconsider.

@Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead I mean in terms of percentages but yes you are right the unauthorised absences are over three years.

From my experience it's added up over the year I.e 4 days off no fine then another that academic year you get a fine.
Do the same year after fine doubles
Year after you are referred to court..

Their great aunt and uncles golden wedding in Germany is a ridiculous excuse

YABU

I'm in this camp and all my friends who are teachers say the same thing- for primary school anyway, not secondary. In Scotland so don't get fined, I just tell the school the kids will be off for a day or two due to a family event, I don't tell them the detail. We probably do this 3/4 times a year for one or two days. Kids are thriving at school and in family life, never had any problems.

YABU.

As a former teacher, the fact that the school have contacted you regarding your child's absence before is likely to mean it'll be monitored going forward. Not to mention the education that your child is missing out on.

As stated by a PP, your aunt & uncle's anniversary is definitely not a reason to be taking your child out of school - as lovely as it may be to see family and celebrate.

I know around Christmastime, the work dies down and the children get to do more fun activities, but 6 days is a LOT to miss. That will contribute massively to their absence percentage. It doesn't matter if that is sickness or not. And also... it's a cousin of DH - I would say SIL's wedding would be the one to attend out of the two.

Only you can decide - but just remember, this is your child's education - not yours. Although they would be the one to suffer/lose out.

I actually think it's appaling that kids are expected to miss such important cultural events for an extra day at school. For a lot of kids, a few days a year will make no difference to education at this age.

The wedding anniversary is only two days - during which time, the children will be experiencing language and cultural immersion and building bonds with extended family. Far, far more valuable than two days in school could be.

And I think the same about the wedding, too. It's an amazing educational, cultural and linguistic experience that a hundred school trips to Spain could not come close to.

If your child is doing well in school (and you can afford all these trips!) I'd absolutely take them out.

Authorised or unauthorised.

If your child is struggling in school I'd address that and still take them out.

School isn't the only thing in life.

I personally think the amount of time off is fine however I don't think the school with authorise it. If you in England you need to be careful as a 3rd unauthorised absence in a 3 year period can result in a £2500 fine plus the risk of a criminal record which will show on a DBS check. The info is in the leaflet below

The school won’t authorise it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go. You’ll have to absorb the cost of the fines into your overall costs.

I would definitely take her and attend the celebrations.
It's not so much about which exact relative is celebrating what, but that her closer and wider family will also be there, and these big events are where families all get together at the same time and maintain bonds.
I personally think that's important- others don't and that's fine too.

My kids were denied leave because I asked for two days off to attend my brothers wedding . They don't care about family weddings . And then I got a stroppy letter from them .

I appreciate you would like to go to all these family events but with a child in school it's not responsible to do that. Aunt and uncle's wedding anniversary? Cousin's wedding? Obviously not. However as an aside you won't get fined for a one off absence of under 5 days so I would just inform the school rather than request time off, if you do decide to take her out.

This.

I dont see any school seeing these reasons as justification for missing so much school time. Death of close family overseas etc yes....wedding of a cousin no. Definitely not at anniversary. That's ridiculous

I don't get this logic. You're basically saying there's no justification to go and see these relatives whilst they're alive, but if one of them dies it's ok to go to the funeral. Personally, having been in a similar situation (couldn't get to the anniversary, only the funeral) I don't think the OP is wrong wanting to take them. As her family is clearly all over the world, it's at events like these that the family comes together in one place.

I would always prioritise family celebrations (although don't have nearly as many as OP) and always include in my request how I'm trying to minimise time off school. Sometimes it's not possible è.g. If flights are only once a week.

I understand that you want to join in with the family celebrations but it really doesn't work with the school system. 94% is really low, if you need to travel so much I'd look at home schooling because family being so far away isn't going to change. Once she gets older you with both start to see the impact of being absent so much and the authorities will pile on the pressure. I'm not saying I agree, I don't, but if you choose the education system to educate your child then you have to follow their rules. Plenty of people don't choose it, maybe a different option would be more suitable for you and then the issue of absence wouldn't be so big?

A cousin which your kids.oresumably don't know well? Just say no.be a decent parent and prioritise their education

Your aunt and uncle’s golden wedding anniversary is not a good reason. Attendance is important - there are proven links between attendance and successful outcomes.

Sometimes your child will be sick, sometimes you’ll want to take them on holiday a couple of days early to make the most of out of half term pricing but it’s disruptive for their learning so you should be really mindful of whether to do it. A school won’t authorise this type of absence, you’ll get a fine.

I also think posters on this thread of over egging what your child is going to learn from these holidays. Taking two days out to go to a party in Germany is not going to be such a rich cultural experience that it makes up for two days of school.

I'd feel really sorry for your daughter missing the last few days of school at Christmas. That's when all the fun of school plays, class parties and fun with her friends happen. It was always the highlight of the school year for our children.

OP, how well does your child know the people they will see at these events, are they are key part of their life? My brother lives abroad but we visit him twice a year in school holidays and he comes to visit at least 3-4 times a year, my girls have a really strong relationship with him as their only uncle, and they would have been devastates to miss his wedding.

But this is very different to going to see great aunt mabel who they have only ever met once, or third cousin twice removed who they have never met, these will not be important people in their lifetime, and they wint build bonds at an event with hundreds of people.

Prioritise the events of people your children are close to when deciding whether to take them out. My husband has about 70 cousins abroad, if we took the girls to every wedding they wouod never be in school!

What do you mean denied leave? Did they physically stop you going to the wedding?

Time out of school to attend the wedding of the dad's husband, or to attend the golden wedding anniversary for the mum's aunt?

Seems like you have a very large family. I think you need to adjust your expectations in being able to attend everything. In any case, schools will not approve such absences unless it's for a very close relative or something else which is exceptional. Weddings and anniversaries of distant relatives will not be signed off.

This

You are focussing on the wrong thing if you are worrying about fines etc. Worry instead about the disruption to your child’s education (and the impact on the teacher and the rest of the class) instead and stop taking them out of school.