To make yet another school absence request?

[Kat2025]

DD is in Y3. At the end of Reception, we received a letter from the school alerting us to her attendance having dropped to 94%, which was due to two cases of vomiting and her catching Covid-19 twice in that year. Since then, she has only been sick occasionally, and nowhere near enough to raise any attendance issues.

The thing is, we have family abroad and are regularly invited to big events such as weddings. For example, in Y2, SIL1 got married in Central America (where the couple are from). For that occasion, I asked for - and was granted - two days off school, which helpfully took place right after half-term. This June, my uncle and aunt are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary in Germany (their home country), so I asked for two days off school, which I have not heard back about, yet.

Now, one of DH's cousins is getting married in Colombia (the couple's home country) a week before the 2025 Christmas holidays. With the flights the way they are to that particular corner of Colombia, DD would have to miss the last 6 days of the autumn term in Y4.

As an aside, there are plenty more cousins and even another SIL who all might get married in the Americas or in Germany in next few years, and obviously we cannot be sure that such events would take place during our school holidays. Perhaps I should not worry about what might or might not happen, but this possible trip to Colombia is stressing me out, even more over the school issue than over the expense. Still, family - even somewhat distant family whom we do not see much but get on fine with - is very important to us, and I would hate for us all to miss out on an opportunity to see the wider family and celebrate the couple's wedding. After all, the groom and his family travelled from Colombia to Scotland to attend our wedding.

I would really appreciate some advice because I don't think I am rational about school attendance anymore. Thank you in advance for any words of wisdom you might have.

YABU - your DD is missing far too much school over the years. Save the absence request for SIL2, should she and her boyfriend decide to tie the knot.

YANBU - before Y6, you can make a few absence requests, if these are for important family events. If the school administrators say no, you can always reconsider.

and I would hate for us all to miss out on an opportunity to see the wider family and celebrate the couple's wedding

What you mean is you would hate for YOU to miss a good old family shindig because you'd have to stay home with your children. Let's be honest and call a spade a spade. Your child doesn't give 2 hoots about a golden anniversary or a wedding in Colombia

If you want to go pay the fines and accept that all these will tot up and you'll be facing court punishment

How are her grades? If she’s doing well academically, then just go.
I wouldn’t put in absence requests for these holidays, the schools are not allowed to approve them during term time. It’s just giving them the exact dates to fine you. I would just accept that you’re going to pay the fines.

I think the problem here is that you don't want to miss out on these events. Realistically your daughter cares not at all about the wedding anniversary or this cousin of her father's she's probably never even met.

I think you need to prioritise which events you travel to and understand that whilst sad you're missing out on a party or two your daughters life will not be impacted negatively by not going to these events and that her education should be more of a priority than a good knees up.

I disagree. Family is important and showing up for big stuff matters. I find it ridiculous we prioritise a few days of primary-level education over significant family celebrations.

You think your child’s great aunt and uncle’s wedding anniversary party is a sensible reason to miss multiple days of school? Her Dad’s cousin’s wedding?!

Her actual aunt and uncle’s wedding I would consider reasonable, albeit I’d expect school to take a dim view if there’s loads of them. Anniversary parties is just taking the proverbial, and six days for a cousin-once-removed’s wedding would get you fined in England. If you want to prioritise relationships with extended family do it in the school holidays, homeschool or consider living where the family is.

I didn’t say school can authorise a holiday. I said they can authorise an absence. Do you understand the difference?

It would be foolish to just say “We are going on holiday if you don’t like it then tough” rather than requesting an authorised absence first.

This. Most people would not attend every single 'big family occasion' if they were all taking place overseas. Tbh if I were the school I would assume you were just inventing most of these in order to book family holidays just a little outside school hols and save yourself some money.
Most people wouldn't be able to afford family weddings/anniversary events every year on the other side of the world for one thing. Really quite unusual to have so many marriage aged close enough family members that you need to forever be taking your child out of school to attend 🤔

Why would you need to miss school for a great-aunt's golden wedding anniversary? My parents have just celebrated theirs, and my 10 yr old finished school on Friday, got the train to his grandparents, stayed the weekend, back at school on Monday. Shouldn't be particularly difficult, Germany's not that far.

I think it’s unreasonable to expect either of those requests to be approved. Neither are close family and must attend. I think you have to accept that your child is of a school age and their education means other sacrifices.

No they won't and these sporadic pockets of missed attendance - 2 days here, 4 days there etc are really disruptive to a child's education. And that's not factoring in any absence for illness or hospital appointments.

Teachers won't have time to help her catch up with the learning she's missed, and then it will be hard for her to learn what comes next as there will be a gap in her understanding.

And as your DD gets older she might object to being taken out of school to go to some random's wedding when she would rather be at school with her friends.

A golden wedding anniversary is an over indulgence. I would not take a child out of school for this.

Your uncle and auntie's anniversary and your husband's cousin's wedding are not good enough reasons for taking your daughter out of school. Those are all distant relatives.

Not much learning goes on the week before Christmas so I wouldn't worry about that unless your daughter doesn't want to miss out on school Christmas events.
The few days here and there won't make much difference in primary school if your child doesn't have any learning difficulties. There's a lot of repetition and you could probably easily do some work with her during the trip.

School won't authorise any absence if attendance is below a certain level (ours is 97%)

They don't fine if you take less than 8 sessions (4 days)

Each year tge attendance resets

As a teacher, I think if your child is doing well academically and you can afford fines if they come - do it. Your child won’t remember a few guided reading lessons but will remember a family wedding in Columbia etc!

Can’t you get to Germany without taking two days off school? If not, I think you need to go and leave DD and DH at home. I doubt either of them care that much about your aunt and uncle’s golden wedding.

Unless your child is struggling in school or gets easily upset by the absences or the travel I’d go against the grain and say that these are beneficial life experiences for your child as well as important opportunities to engage with other cultures. I’d definitely go for it!

Have you thought about home/world schooling and spending time travelling as well

Honestly OP you would think school has to fit in around all of your travel abroad and holidays.

Keep your kid in school. It isn’t optional nor is it your given right to travel so much and so often in term time.

So just out of curiosity, you are fine with the continued disruption of many kids coming and going (who aren’t ill) and their learning? I find your answer as a teacher quite surprising and I’m almost sure your school wouldn’t feel the same.

The position of the staff at my child's primary school was very much the same as this teacher. They openly said they didn't agree with fines and recognise the importance of family experiences outside of school. They advised that we drop them in for morning marks on Monday and take them straight back out so we didn't get fined when we requested Monday- Friday.
The fines are in place to make money, it's not really about a child's education.

Not true in my neck of the woods.
3 lots of absence over 3 years that meets the threshold means it goes to court

On top of this, there is the impact on the other students. My daughter has a couple of 'frequent flyers' in her class and it's really disruptive to whole class learning, especially as one is her desk partner and has no clue what she is supossed to be doing half the time, so my daughter ends up trying to catch her up, rather than learning herself.

Not that I haven't ever done this - my brother was due to get married in Easter holidays, but they had to bring it forward as brides Dad had been given only a few weeks to live, and both my girls were flower girls, so they missed 2 days as wedding was on a Friday and we flew out on the Thursday. School authorised 1 day and 1 day was unauthorised. This was unplanned and exceptional circumstances.

I don't think an aunt and uncle's golden wedding would be a good enough reason to take a child out of school,

however it’s not just an anniversary, it’s a trip abroad, presumably connecting with parts of the child’s heritage and being exposed to another culture and language, whilst reinforcing important family values.
crucially it’s also the last few days of term where she will likely be learning very little anyway and some cultural enrichment will be better for her.
I don’t think the school will agree to it though, so assuming her grades are fine id just plan to take the fine, or lie and say she’s sick. Do some reading with her whilst you’re away.