NC for this.
Please be gentle I'm extremely fragile over this situation atm and understand I look foolish to anyone reading. I'll try and keep it as short as I can.
Been with P for 7 years, have DC - toddler.
I am in an abusive relationship and I only faced facts the year my toddler was born, that it was emotional, coercive and financial abuse (told me he would leave if I gave him money, I did, and he didnt leave). I can't go into detail or this would go on forever. I have very low self esteem and thought we had a relatively happy relationship prior to DC because I was so blinded by the good, when it was good. I quickly buried my head about the bad and accepted that I had made him act the way he did etc.
I used to own my home before DC, P lived with a friend and was a first time buyer and was able to find a "do-er upper" with a garden etc, and was accepted to buy with a low deposit. I gave them half of the deposit and lawyers fees to do this.
I then sold my flat (tenement was owned by social housing and they refused to contribute to repairs badly needed on the building) I felt I had no choice but to sell asap before it got worse. The proceeds of my sale went to Ps house renovations and I also pay for all bills, apart from mortgage & council tax. The promise was that my name would also go on the house. That hasn't happened. He dangles this over my head.
He earns £52k + and I earn £42k. He said the fairest way to split bills was that I pay 40% and he pays 60% - I genuinely don't know if this is OK as I struggle with numbers massively.
The problem is he is a relentless bully, I can't take the absolute lies and verbal abuse he gives me. He is narcistic and never takes the blame for anything and will down right lie his way out of anything he is challeneged about. The worst is, people on the outside would be shocked if they even scratched the surface as he appears this really likable guy to everyone else. I tried to leave him before and was successful but the situation wasn't ideal, I was living in my mums with a small child and barely a thing of my own, and was an absolute nervous wreck due to his intimidating behaviour and constant verbal abuse about everything I done, I didn't react to any of this and kept as calm and composed as possible at all times. He eventually calmed down and started (which I now know as) "love bombing" me. I genuinely thought he'd changed. And I genuinely thought this could work and would be best for DC to have us all live together and a new start.
Clearly I'm posting here because a leopard never changes its spots.
Any time there's an argument he tells me to "fuck off out" "it's his house" "I pay for nothing" (the bills mentioned above equate to £1400 and I pay for all DC expenses as well as household products etc) he has such a sense of entitlement and takes everything I do for granted (I work FT and do every bit of housework and DIY). He is a hands on dad and I tried to settle with this to justify to myself that this is all ok and as long as he's a good dad I can put up with the rest for my DC.
I don't have much in the way of savings as the house has had constant renovations, and I know for a fact he'd do everything in his power to not pay me a penny in CMS.
FWIW I could genuinely spew looking at what I am about to post, I can't believe this is my life and I desperately need some help/advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation or has any advice as to what I could do from here. I am already beating myself up as I feel I have failed my DC from being in this situation and I know how financially stupid I have been. I feel like I can't tell my parents due to the shame and embarrassment of this and I wouldn't know where to begin in telling a friend.
Posted in AIBU for traffic.