Breastfeeding and MN. Why so different to IRL?

[Gogogo12345]

I had read many many threads on here about the " restrictions" of breastfeeding. This morning is a child free wedding that the OP will apparently be EBF an 8 week old. This is a common theme. All these EBF babies.

Yet in real life there are only about half of babies that are still BF ( even partly)at all by 6-8 weeks
And only 1% EBF at six months

So why does it seem about99% of mumsnet babies are exclusively breastfed for months on end?

I assume they don't allow you to spread the cost over 6-12 months rhough

I think the difference is that it is an expensive up front cost whereas formula adds up to an expensive cost after 6-12 months.

I would say 80% of mums I met did breastfeed. But also I met a lot at breastfeeding groups. Cousin and sister in law breastfed. I breastfed mine.

OP to your original point I think you see it a lot on here because children at weddings seems to be a hot topic, however FF babies can be left at home, BF ones can’t - obviously there will be exceptions! If someone invited me to a wedding, or any all day event, where I couldn’t bring my baby, I’d say sorry I can’t make it. But we’re all different and I guess it’s not that easy for everyone.

I was having a chat with a friend recently who is breastfeeding her 2yo daughter, outside of immediate family I’m the only one who knows because she says people think she’s weird for doing it. I fed my eldest until 18 months when I was heavily pregnant with my second and got the occasional odd look if I fed in public but couldn’t have given less shits if I’m honest. Why is it less acceptable to feed your older baby or toddler breast milk than it is to give them a happy meal?!

You can also get decent support from your midwife or health visitor (though these can vary hugely, some are much better than others!).

My local children's center has a weekly breastfeeding support group. And breastfeeding support workers are stationed at the hospital when you give birth. But as a PP said, support varies in different areas. As I said, most of the mums I met did breastfeed so I am surprised by the stats. I live in near a small market town in Yorkshire where jobs are pretty limited. Certainly not a fancy middle class area in the South.

Well, in the example you gave to encourage the frothing about child free weddings maybe? Poor baby starving without its mother blah blah blah!!

I breastfed my daughter for 2 years but I was in the minority in my social circle.
3 combi fed for 6 months before stopping breastfeeding.
2 fed formula only
1 breastfed until 1 with her first and 6 months with her second
My baby would not take a bottle though & didn't take to solids well either but I also didn't mind breastfeeding. I found it a nice to sit down and chill. I definitely missed out on a few opportunities when my daughter was young and couldn't be without me for too long. But its a short period in the grand scheme of my life and I expected to miss out on some events when I had a child.

Good point about the childfree weddings. I've attended lots of weddings but never a childfree one.

I'm planning to continue BFing but I won't be honest with family about it. There must be quite a few women who have done the same.

Not my DDs experience with a tongue tied baby. Answer was " oh just give him a bottle"

We had a 100% baby and child free wedding. Everyone was aware so wasn’t an issue. We have also been invited to numerous baby and child free weddings. Totally up to the individual bride and groom.

I never said it wasn't.

There are numerous threads with people wanting to ask the bride and groom whether they can bring their baby to a baby/child free wedding. I can’t understand why they don’t read the invitation to check who is invited and then accept or decline. It’s not complicated or a big issue.

@Gogogo12345 I paid for a lactation consultant. She was a midwife that took extra courses and knew lots about beastfeeding. I paid her to do the job that the midwives should be doing in hospital but they don't have the time. The midwives in hospital were completely useless and really not even around. The only think the midwife in hospital asked me is do I want to bottle feed? Lol.

The lactation consultant visited me in hospital, showed me how to do it, checked the baby for any issues and then visited me home a few days later and answered questions I had, showed me different positions to breastfeed, put pillows around my sofa to be comfortable etc. She was then available via message if I had any questions.

I wouldn't be breastfeeding without her.

I haven't read the full thread. When it comes to the discussion around why certain demographics are more likely to breastfeed (i.e. that educated, middle class women are statistically more likely to breastfeed). Is it not more a case of who can take a longer maternity leave? I am from a very working class background and my Mum said she would have liked to breastfeed but my family relied on her also bringing in an income and she went back to her supermarket job in the evenings when all of us siblings were six weeks old. She couldn't risk having a baby who wouldn't take a bottle. I grew up to work in a very middle class profession and moved to a much more affluent area where breastfeeding is the norm and new mothers are able to take a more lengthy maternity leave. I was very over zealous about breastfeeding before I actually had my baby! In reality I found it to be a miserable experience. I continued until my baby was six weeks old. I had plenty of support and no physical reason why I couldn't, I just unexpectedly really hated the feel of it. I was a much happier Mum when formula feeding.

I agree it's inappropriate and rude for people with children to ask if they can bring them to a childfree wedding if it's clearly childfree (up to the bride and groom as you say. We once went to a wedding where someone had brought their child despite being told they shouldn't!? So awful). However, I have had a couple of weddings I've politely declined as they were child free and I was breastfeeding - and I got quite a bit of stick for my choice! One friend asked if I could leave my two week old baby in the parking lot with my husband so I could go to the wedding and just pop out to feed the baby every so often... (It was also about 35 degrees that day and about 2 hours away from my home). She asked me quite a few times and I know she still thinks I made an unreasonable choice by not giving the baby formula and leaving the baby at home so I could attend. Again, nothing wrong with formula, but I'm contributing to the OP's original question of why these breastfeeding queries come up fairly often. I think if someone doesn't know anyone who breastfeeds, it's all quite alien and different in comparison to formula feeding. (And as someone previously said, fed is best and all methods have pros and cons!)

I imagine the cost of the lactation consultant was a lot less than the cost of a year's worth of formula.

Not my experience either.

even in the mat ward every issue was “do you want a bottle”. If they saw me feeding they’d ask if I wanted a bottle to give myself a break.

i was up feeding in the night and a passing m/w stopped to comment that I was “feeding again” and why didn’t I give formula and get some rest. (Again with the myth that formula =better sleep). When I refused she pushed, then when she found I hadn’t actually got any formula because bf was going well she gave me such a telling off. I should always have formula apparently in case my milk suddenly dried up. Like that can happen. This is despite all the other m/w offering to get
me formula, and there being a 24 hr shop outside I could send dh to.

How many people are buying a year's worth of formula in one go though? That's the difference. I suspect some wouldn't be able to afford that either, they pay for formula as they need it.

As a pp said, you can't pay in installments with a lactation consultant.

Vimes economics again though.

if you are poor you can’t afford the upfront cost of a decent pair of boots. So you take the cheaper option, which doesn’t last as long, and you need to buy more.

so the rich end up spending less because they can afford it.

I'd agree with this. At the two year appointment it was never asked if I was still breastfeeding even though it was a question in the red book. Speaking with a health visitor, she told me that more mums breastfeed till two then research shows

If those figures are accurate they indicate extremely low BF rates that are out of kilter with most European countries.

If you can't, then you can't. We're fortunate in our time that an alternative is available. But BF were as impossible as it's often made to sound then the human race would likely have struggled to survive to this point.

My mother exclusively BF us, and this was in the time when Cow & Gate et al were being pushed onto women as better alternatives.

I BF mine for 18 months - EBF for 6 of those. The first twelve weeks were gruelling, with constant cluster feeding, and I went nearly mad from lack of sleep. The key here is knowing exactly what to expect - that this is normal and provided the baby is gaining weight it doesn't mean they're not getting enough milk.

After that it was the easiest and most hassle free method available. Nor did I ever get one cross look or word when feeding in public.

I don't understand the fuss.

I’m currently EBF, baby is 3mo. I BF through multiple tongue tie snips and surgery for a breast abscess, partly because I’m stubborn and partly because FF looks so much of a faff to me (among other reasons).

All the mothers I know are/were EBF or combi feeding, so I expected to do the same. Affluent SE area.

EBF also does not include any expressed milk, so if even once you tried expressing and bottle feeding, your baby is no longer EBF.
Says who? Not NHS England. They don't actually use the term EBF but divide infants into totally breastfed, partially breastfed and not at all breastfed for their data and state that "Totally breastfed is defined as infants who are exclusively receiving breast milk (this may be expressed breast milk)"
So a mother who is expressing some or all of her baby's feeds would definitely be counted as totally breastfeeding if no other food or fluids are being given.