To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

[bannsise]

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

Well... it does sound like he had a point 🤣

But that's by the by. Respect your daughter's wishes now.

She lives in Italy.

Why are you being so stubborn about it and why do you want to upset your daughter? She is being called a nickname that is common in her country and she wants you to use it. Your wishes don’t trump hers when it comes to her name. You don’t own it.

@ChicLilacSeal I don’t think an adult asking to be called the name they grew up with and that everyone calls them in the country and culture they live in is twattish, no.

I also don’t think that not identifying with a culture she was not raised in, which may have been forced on her negatively if OPs attitude is anything to go by, is twattish either.

If OP is not obliged to respect her daughter’s request or heritage then her daughter is not obliged to honour hers. Giving birth is not a free for all for actually acting like a twat but crying victim instead.

The fact she has not pulled up one single poster insulting her daughter is very telling, and I imagine the name is the last in a long line of things the OP - who left her child to live in another country 6 years ago - has demanded go her way rather than respect her daughter’s autonomy.

You're still making it all about you OP. What your daughter is asking is not a bit unreasonable or outlandish, your refusal to respect her very simple request is very unreasonable. The background to why she was born and raised in Italy is irrelevant.

As many posters have pointed out, if a stranger or colleague or any other adult asked this you would respect that. Please show your daughter the same respect.

Just read the whole thread, should have done so first.

I think it’s appalling and racist that the daughter thinks it’s “embarrassing” to be half British. It’s a rejection of her mother and who she is.

Another poster ignoring that this child was raised and lived their entire life in Italy, where she has only known her name to be pronounced in Italian. She is an Italian woman living in her home country of Italy. She is not petulant for wanting her name pronounced properly, as she is used to. It’s HER name.

OP is being petulant for refusing her adult daughter the basic request for such small respect. OP moved back to the UK when DD, who remained in Italy, was 16. At 22 now mum can’t even concede to saying “Eesa” because she thinks she’s losing a power struggle. Pathetic

You could at least have read the OPs other posts before going off on that rant!

Everything is pretty much the exact opposite of what you've assumed. She has lived in Italy her whole life and wants her mother to pronounce her name the way everyone else that knows her does. Nothing to do with wanting to appear exotic FFS!

and she is entitled to not respond.

Call her what you like if you don’t want much of a relationship with her op. Alternatively, respect her wishes..

Oh okay, that changes everything then and makes it totally fine to not respect your daughter’s wishes regarding her own name.

It's very odd for someone with a foreign parent to expect their parent to pronounce their name in an accent that's foreign to that parent, when the parent chose a name that works in the parents' own language.

My husband is from another country, so we chose names for our children that exist in both our languages, but even still, he pronounces their names differently from the English way, and our children accept that as totally normal. Hang around any bilingual/bicultural families and you will see that it is a very frequent thing.

This is the crux of it OP. Call her anything you want, but be prepared for her to stop calling you.

As far as I understand it, she lived and was educated in Italy, not the UK, and she still lives there so she is not going to be going to a lot of appointments here.

FWIIW, I have a nickname and no-one who knows me calls me by my given name, not even my doctor, but I don’t mind being called it in more formal situations. I would have been very angry if my parents had decided not to use my nickname and insisted on calling me the name on my birth certificate.

None of which is your daughter’s fault, and has no bearing on her desire to use a shortening and pronunciation of her name that is common in her home country.

This. I said further up the thread that if the OP continues on her path, she will solve the problem by no longer being in contact with her daughter. Just crack on OP!

She’s sounding more irritating and up herself by the second - however you still need to call her what she wants to be called.

No but the rest of the points still stand and my impression of the daughter rejecting her mother’s culture was correct, though for different motivations.

Rather than wanting to be exotic, the daughter is being racist against her mother, thinking that being half British is “embarrassing”.

She’s disrespectful and not empathising with the fact this is a rejection. I’m not surprised the mum is digging her heels in.

‘British’ isn’t a race, hth

@WishinAndHopin has the OP said her daughter is a different race to her, I’ve missed that

Probably best to read the thread before investing your time in such a long and incorrect post.
The OP’s daughter has never lived in the U.K. She lives in Italy, and always has. Her dad’s heritage is her heritage, as that was the culture and country she was brought up in.

Only because you haven't at all understood the issue.

Rather than wanting to be exotic, the daughter is being racist against her mother, thinking that being half British is “embarrassing”

Her daughter is the same race as her. ‘British’ isn’t a race.

It does throw up an interesting question though… the “eesa” pronunciation is more because of accent really isnt it?

Like, my Nottingham relative would pronounce “Hayley” as something like “Airleh” (actually it would be “Ar-Airleh” 😁) - what if Hayley preferred that pronunciation? She’d be effectively asking people to affect a Nottingham accent… hmm.

But I said that insulting her mother's nationality - and therefore her mother - is twattish. Nothing to do with her name choice.

I notice you failed to include my question to you, which was: So you don't think that her insulting her mother is being twattish?

There are remedial classes for adults who struggle with reading comprehension, you know.