To think I might be autistic but masking all my life?

[21degreescooler]

My DD (9) has been diagnosed as autistic. I had never considered it before but she was referred after ADHD diagnosis.

I was diagnosed privately with ADHD but never tested for autism.

I was very surprised by my DD’s diagnosis as she never seemed autistic to me. She is similar to me at that age. She is outgoing and sociable, but struggles with transitions, regulating emotions and sometimes with social skills ( it is mild, but it’s more like not picking up more subtle social cues- interrupting, not appreciating when people have had enough of a certain activity, or when her behaviour is becoming too much)

I now wonder if I’m autistic too? I’m sociable, but think have learned social skills later than others, sometimes struggled to make friends ( by that I mean, knowing HOW to make friends in new situations- I found university difficult at first.)
I do have lots of friends now, but I feel it took a long time to learn how to make them.

i don’t think anyone would consider me autistic- im warm and friendly, empathetic, and think I have learned to read social cues.

but sometimes I have noticed people have taken a real aversion to me and I’m not sure why ( it’s rare, but enough for me to notice they’ve taken a dislike, but I’ve never known why)

when I was younger, I was quirky and good fun. Also a bit shy and socially awkward. I used to actively study people in social situations to see how to behave at parties - does anyone NT do this?

I still dread social functions at work, but have learned how to deal with them. Now people would probably think I’m a good networker and at ease in social situations.

I’ve struggled to understand my shyness- I feel awkward in some situations but at ease in others. I’m very confident speaking at a conference where I get to talk about my area of expertise, but shy and nervous in meetings where I’m put on the spot.

all of this could be NT, but am I BU to think maybe this is mild autism?

Not really specific to your original post OP, but I think relevant to the general topic.. The amount of times people say "I'm waiting for my autism diagnosis" rather than "I'm awaiting my autism assessment" is really interesting.

It suggests that people 'know' what the outcome will be. Does that mean self diagnosis is always accurate? Or that people have read up on the tests beforehand and know with confidence that their responses will lead to diagnosis?

There is no such thing as mild autism so no .

What a ridiculous post. Everybody around you is in the queue or has spent £3k on a diagnosis- really.!!!! It’s hard to get in the nhs queue for a start and most people I know don’t have a spare £3k lying around.

You don’t get a diagnosis if you are successfully living your life with no severe impact on be life.

Needs are not overlooked as differing needs require differing support. My dd has had support from a whole host of services that would be of zero use to somebody non verbal. I have a diagnosis and require ( but don’t get) different support to her.

Another ignorant post.

NHS adult and child autism diagnosis teams are separate with separate waiting lists. You are screened to get on either.

SEN provision in school is based on need not a diagnosis. Schools dont just wait twiddling their thumbs until they get a diagnosis. Schools are swamped because needs are high and they been seriously underfunded the no past few years .

MN's general attitude to autism is absolutely horrendous as you can see OP.

Come and post on the neurodiverse board instead 🥰

I wonder why she hasn’t and she chose AIBU.🤔

This is a very silly statement

I do find it interesting that previous posts constantly refer to the DSM, as if the diagnostic criteria wasn't formed on studying how boys present. There is a reason why far more boys get diagnosed than girls, although that is getting better.

Where there are some similarities of course, girls do present quite differently, typically they are far better at masking, and more likely to internalise.

Many women get misdiagnosed with conditions such as anxiety & depressive disorders, bipolar, BPD etc, and go on to get diagnosed with a neurodiversity later in life.

As for a PP saying "they're sick of everyone saying they're autistic" latest statistics show that approximately 15% of people are likely neurodivergent. That's a fair chunk of people. If people feel like it explains the difficulty they've had in their lives and it doesn't impact you in any way, just let it be.

OP, There is a genetic link, so you very well may be autistic, no one here can diagnose you of course but if you feel a diagnosis would help you please do pursue it.

Autism is a spectrum and if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism.

My eldest daughter was diagnosed with Autism at 9, it took 6 years to diagnose her 'officially', she is now 19, and is self-assured, confident, intelligent, kind and empathetic woman. On first meeting, most people wouldn't assume she's autistic whatsoever. But she is.

Best of luck on whatever you decide to do, OP.

I'm a doctor with 20year experience in neurodiversity and I would say based on your description and family history it is possible you are autistic. It's also possible you have autistic traits but wouldn't quite meet the cut off, but certainly what you describe is very common for intelligent high masking autistic women. Autism & adhd co-occur more often than not and women tend to get diagnosed with adhd first as it's more socially acceptable and perhaps more obvious. People do not realise what autism looks like in women. If I were you OP I would look for a screening assessment with someone qualified - not a keyboard warrior on mumnset - to see whether a full assessment is warranted. Good luck

This is a ridiculous reply.
By the same standard is a stage 1 cancer parient not allowed to seek help because a stage 4 patient needs the help more?

Extraordinary comment!

Stage 1 cancer turns into stage 4 cancer if nothing is done. They then die.

A mildly autistic patient person doesn't become severely autistic with no interventions.

There is no such thing as mild autism and need can vary throughout life for all. The right support can help with need. If my daughter had had the right support earlier I’m pretty sure some( not all)of the huge expenses she has caused the nhs could have been lessened or averted.

There’s definitely an autistic spectrum.

Op are you being treated for your adhd ? Often in women with untreated adhd , it can mask their more obvious autistic symptoms . It's once woman start medication that they find themselves with different issues.

There is a spectrum but there is no such thing as mild autism.

I am the same and have the same traits you list. Probably autistic but I’m high functioning, I don’t struggle and I have a good circle of friends. A diagnosis would not benefit me and would take resources from those who need it.

@TempestTost I understand why you might feel frustrated about people who cope with day to day life being given the same diagnosis as someone who is non- verbal/ high needs. They look very different. But why the hostility? Do you genuinely think people want a diagnosis so they can get full time carers?

the people on this thread talking about being diagnosed as adults would have historically been put in the ‘Asperger’s’ Box. Even then- there are people who exhibit the symptoms far more obviously.

i think it’s one of the problems - people feel it dilutes the very real struggles that severely autistic people and their carers face. But are you so rude to someone who is mildly dyslexic because they can still read and write?

and the other argument against diagnosis seems to be the idea that people are doing it to access NHS care and support. That’s nonsense! I’m a professional woman who can support my family and live a ‘normal’ life. So many on this thread are similar.

My father was extremely successful as an engineer ( in retrospect, his autistic traits served him well) but he struggles socially.

I’d also say that the attitude that ‘all
people are like that at times’ is pretty ignorant ( though understandable ). I got told that by so many well meaning people about my DD, but the specialists strongly disagreed and said that it’s about intensity and frequency.

Mild autism isn't a thing. You could be autistic if you meet the threshold of impairment across the triad, or it could be that you have traits. Autism runs in our family. Most of us aren't autistic but many of us are quite "traity".

Again - what resources do you think I’d be taking?

as I’ve said upthread, if I got an assessment, I’d go private.

there are no resources! My DD gets nothing. No EHCP. We just got a leaflet with some websites, a note for SEN team at school and details of a parent support group ( run by the volunteers who participate)

Oh and in response to your last post, my son would have been diagnosed with Aspergers if that had still been a thing but he is not mildly affected. He functions well at school and with the support us as parents but the older he gets the more that the gaps in his executive function show. I seriously worry about how he is going to manage to live independently even though he's never needed an EHCP and is very "high functioning", certainly far to high to ever qualify for any external support.

An autistic person may well find it increasingly harder to cope without support. An assessment or diagnosis could definitely help.
My comment was also in response to someone who said that only what she perceives as the most severe cases deserve assessment (and thus potentially support).

Then, with respect, why bother? What do you want to gain from this thread or from a diagnosis? If you want no support, medication, therapy etc… then what do you hope to gain? Even private spaces are in high demand so I personally would see no value in taking up their time.

Anyone with a suspected condition is allowed to attempt to access resources. You might not want or need a diagnosis but you don't get to make a judgement choice on the behalf of others.

OP is as entitled as anyone else to pursue assessment, or not, be that private or NHS.

How ridiculous to suggest that me seeing no value in a personal diagnosis means to judge those who do. I shared a personal experience and view of my own journey that I stand behind… there is no benefit for ME! Even OP has said she stands to gain nothing from a diagnosis.

Eh?
Your comment about 'taking resources from others' is a judgement statement.