To wonder why it feels like we have no money?

[Wheredoesitgo]

DH and I earn well between us. We aren’t mega wealthy or even close but we should be very comfortable and I just feel like we aren’t.

I just feel like we have no money? DH is self employed and had a tough few months last year and the tax return coming up isn’t helping but even month to month my earnings just seem to disappear with not a lot to show for it…

Would love to go away (2 primary school aged DC) but a week in Spain in July (just before school holidays by a few days to try and reduce the pride a bit!) is coming in at around £1100 plus each for a week AI (we spend less this way with the kids than self catering usually as they are fussy). They need spring/summer wardrobes but feel like I can’t really buy new and can only afford bundles on Vinted which I never find exactly what I want.

I dread the food shop as there’s just no way to get it cheaper.

I’d love some new boots but can’t justify the cost.

As I said we earn quite well so it just seems crazy to me that things feel so tight - anyone else in the same boat?!

@Jennyathemall well ofc - but my point is our necessary spending is so high because of the cost of living that even a good wage doesn’t stretch even close to as far as you would expect.

It's the cost of insurance, housing and food that I am finding depletes the majority of our income, and it's way less than yours, but must be a problem for everyone. We don't eat out at all unless it's one of our birthdays. It's a luxury we can't afford.

Re food £500 a month seems a lot for 2 adults and 2 primary aged kids. You could think about cutting this down and a bit of menu planning. I don’t mean spend hours but for eg we cook a big chicken and have a roast, leftovers the next day as fajitas and rice and then anything left is soup so stretch it out to quite a few meals.

@Bestfootforward11 yes I definitely need to look at it. We buy too many prepackaged snacks (babybels etc!) that we could definitely do without.

A good income isn't really enough anymore. Family money makes a massive difference & unfortunately younger people have had bad luck re housing costs. When you got on the ladder makes a difference

I agree on the holiday prices, sounds pretty standard for a TUI type holiday.

There has been a huge lifestyle inflation which means people expect to be able to live a certain way that is honestly just not realistic. Not only do people on a “decent salary” expect to be able to have a nice secure home, nice car, nice food every week they also expect new furniture, nice interiors, a “done up” garden, holidays abroad every year, new clothes whenever they want them, days out, birthdays and Christmases full of presents and trips and activities, kids who never “miss out” and do several activities each with associated trips/kit/events, eating out, drinking out, coffees, lunches, iPhones, AirPods, iPads, MacBooks, netflix, Spotify, Amazon, gel nails, eyebrows, hobbies, spa breaks, several pairs of trainers and boots and heels and flats and handbags and and and and…

there’s just so much to spend money on now. And social media makes it seem like everyone else has everything and if you don’t then you’re the odd one out. We need to recalibrate what we see as normal and stop saying to ourselves “we should be able to afford XYZ because we work hard and have decent jobs”. Yes; you should be able to afford some of the above. But not all of it. People who have all of the above either have a LOT of money, or they’re in debt, or they’re being gifted stuff as part of their job as a “content creator”. Average people on average wages cannot afford all of this stuff and if I’m honest I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think people should be able to afford a safe home and to pay their bills and buy healthy food and have some money leftover to spend on wants not needs and some money for a rainy day but nobody is entitled to a life of what should be seen as luxury spending.

Your example with the trampoline park - I’m guessing it was just a random trip for something to do at the weekend? Why did you buy drinks and food? In our house that sort of activity would just be for a birthday treat and even then we might still not buy the food, it’s probably crap anyway. If we go to the cinema we get the super saver tickets and we bring our own snacks from home. And cinema is still maybe only once every two or three months, it’s expensive. I try to only do a softplay with my 3 year old every couple of months, for the same reasons, and I never buy coffee or snacks from the cafe because they’re overpriced and shit.

It stretches exactly as far as I expect not least because there are 1000 threads on MN asking exactly the same question with people in exactly the same situation. Have you tried searching before posting? The answers are all the same.

You are probably trying to live the lifestyle of people earning more.

To be honest whereas 10 years ago a combined income of £150k in the south east/london commuter belt made you really comfortable, i think you need more like £200 - £250k now if you have a big mortgage (£3k+ a month), childcare bills, and want enough money for holidays other than camping. In a lot of places you need a £600k mortgage + 150/200k deposit to buy even a very normal looking eighties estate house.

I think the things thar often tip people over are:

• expensive marque cars on leases, replaced every 3-5 years Range rovers, audis, bmws, mercedes. Get a toyota, hyundai or mazda & keep it for 15.
• expensive gym memberships like david lloyd etc
• Eating out/day trips. Remember instagram just shows you everyone's one day out a year and makes it feel like everyone's always on a day out
• not cooking properly from scratch, buying pre chopped veg, semi prepped meals
• buying too much stuff generally

Funny, people on half your salaries and a lot less can manage better than you do. And they have holidays and new shoes, too.

There has been a huge lifestyle inflation which means people expect to be able to live a certain way that is honestly just not realistic. Not only do people on a “decent salary” expect to be able to have a nice secure home, nice car, nice food every week they also expect new furniture, nice interiors, a “done up” garden, holidays abroad every year, new clothes whenever they want them, days out, birthdays and Christmases full of presents and trips and activities, kids who never “miss out” and do several activities each with associated trips/kit/events, eating out, drinking out, coffees, lunches, iPhones, AirPods, iPads, MacBooks, netflix, Spotify, Amazon, gel nails, eyebrows, hobbies, spa breaks, several pairs of trainers and boots and heels and flats and handbags and and and and…

This!!!

I agree
The last few years mortgage interest rates and borrowing were so cheap and people either had or felt like they had plenty of money .
Now the combination of wage stagnation, inflation, CoL and MIR hikes means it feels like money goes nowhere.
When I was a child in thev70s my Mum would eke every penny out of her purse, every purchase was discussed many times, things were mended , clothes made or second hand.

Absolutely…it’s also not his fault his Dad earns that much money so he only gets the minimum loan so of course we will pay it. My point is that exactly like the OP, on paper it looks like a really healthy income but everyone’s circumstances are different.

It might be worth looking at buying a second hand car then. It would take a few years to start making savings if you went for a decent low mileage car. Then after that initial year or two you'd be saving nearly 5k a year from that one simple change!
How easy is it for you to get out of your car contract?
I've always just bought cars outright with savings. I've never understood how other people can justify the cost of paying monthly for a car on finance or hire purchase. If I've not managed to save loads when I need a new car I just buy a cheaper car 😂 and when it dies you still get a few hundred back from we buy any car!

@That70sHouse

Yes, well said.

@HipToTheHopDontStop im guessing they have lower outgoings then, right? Everyone’s situation is different so not really comparable in anyway

the tax return coming up isn’t helping

This sounds like a red flag to me. Self-employed people need to pretend they are on PAYE and put the money for tax aside in a ring-fenced deposit account every month, no ifs or buts. When the tax bill comes in, all that should happen is that account goes from the right amount to zero. Yes, you can be a bit off with marginal rates and personal allowances, so there might be a couple of thousand over or under, but given your joint income, between 30% and 35% of every incoming payment to DH should be going into that "black hole" account.

@Magnoliafarm id happily chop it in but DH is not so easy to convince. Has a thing in his mind about newer cars being more reliable, don’t want the hassle of getting it fixed etc etc 😅

Ok but if you are on 130k between you then take home is substantially more than that.

me and DP earn around 90k combined and take home more than 5k even though we both pay substantial pensions, student loans etc.

We have £1500 per month left over after compulsory expenses and managed to go on holiday last year overseas with our kids (we have 5). Cheap flights, hire a car so able to go along the coast to a cheaper location with lovely villa, self-catering and eating out every day and we paid about 3.5k in total for all 7 of us. I honestly think you can do a family of 4 holiday for less.

if you want an affordable overseas holiday though the answer is France and Eurostar or ferry it.

@samarrange yes he should have absolutely managed his taxes better. I agree completely but can’t force him to do it despite asking multiple times

There has been a huge lifestyle inflation which means people expect to be able to live a certain way that is honestly just not realistic. Not only do people on a “decent salary” expect to be able to have a nice secure home, nice car, nice food every week they also expect new furniture, nice interiors, a “done up” garden, holidays abroad every year, new clothes whenever they want them, days out, birthdays and Christmases full of presents and trips and activities, kids who never “miss out” and do several activities each with associated trips/kit/events, eating out, drinking out, coffees, lunches, iPhones, AirPods, iPads, MacBooks, netflix, Spotify, Amazon, gel nails, eyebrows, hobbies, spa breaks, several pairs of trainers and boots and heels and flats and handbags and and and and…

I don't think this is true.

My parents bought their London home on 1 normal income, same for majority of my neighbours & school friends. We had a car, holidays abroad, activities. You need a very high income for this now.

And whilst I use Amazon, is it more than my parents spent in Woolworths? Coffees have replaced pub culture so again I'm not sure it's an increased spend.

I think todays younger people have less disposable income then previous generations after housing costs so people may expect it but they won't get it.

@Swirlingceilings that’s food for thought thanks.

as a complete aside - every time I’ve checked Eurostar it’s been much higher than flying! What am I doing wrong 😂

I think the problem is that you have expensive tastes tbh. Certainly there are many options for a week's holiday in Spain that don't cost 4k.

I forgot to say; we don’t want to spend £5k on a summer holiday so we do the ferry and go to France. Ferry is aroind £500 and we can normally get 7-10 days airbnb in a nice house for £800ish or maybe £1k if we want access to a pool but with all the nice beaches we find it’s not necessary. Even with the cost of fuel and food (breakfast at the Airbnb and then eat out once a day and eat picky stuff at home for the other meal, I refuse to cook on holiday other than BBQ) we still spent way less than £4.5k

I think you need to book Eurostar quite far in advance to get the deals.

@Coldanddamp when I was a teen my mum remarried. My stepdad was the sole earner. He was on probably similar to my own salary, but as the only income when you consider inflation etc. We lived a nice life on that. Not extravagant, but nice. Went on my first abroad holiday. Moved into a detached house on an estate (from a council house)