To wonder why it feels like we have no money?

[Wheredoesitgo]

DH and I earn well between us. We aren’t mega wealthy or even close but we should be very comfortable and I just feel like we aren’t.

I just feel like we have no money? DH is self employed and had a tough few months last year and the tax return coming up isn’t helping but even month to month my earnings just seem to disappear with not a lot to show for it…

Would love to go away (2 primary school aged DC) but a week in Spain in July (just before school holidays by a few days to try and reduce the pride a bit!) is coming in at around £1100 plus each for a week AI (we spend less this way with the kids than self catering usually as they are fussy). They need spring/summer wardrobes but feel like I can’t really buy new and can only afford bundles on Vinted which I never find exactly what I want.

I dread the food shop as there’s just no way to get it cheaper.

I’d love some new boots but can’t justify the cost.

As I said we earn quite well so it just seems crazy to me that things feel so tight - anyone else in the same boat?!

As your partner didn't have a great yea financially in comparison to previous does your partner have a large tax rebate due this month? My OH is a contractor in IT and took a few months out last year and when he checked his govt gateway there was £16k he overpaid in tax waiting to be collected, I had £1200 when I filed my self assessment at the end of December. Just waiting on them putting that back in our accounts. Check yours.

gosh don’t the kids add up. We went to a trampoline place the other weekend at it was £50 all in by the time you added drinks and sandwich!

Take your own small bottles of water, and rolls/ lunch, on day trips out. The food in these places are expensive, and are usually of dubious quality anyway.

You earn a huge amount of money and you feel like you don't have any because you spend it all and youre terrible with money.

Your prices for holidays are way off and you need to simply pay attention.

But people’s perceptions of a £135+ salary and the lifestyle that it entails is very different to reality.

That's the crux of though isn't it. There is a perception that X amount will lead to a certain lifestyle. Maybe it's more than your parents ever earned but your lifestyle was vastly different so expectations are unrealistic.

@HipToTheHopDontStop the holiday prices aren’t well off - I looked around at loads of options. Maybe we should look at self catering instead but trust me I’ve done research.

Obviously not, but the op talks in gross per annum - they earn over £10k per month as the other poster said.

Everyone pays tax, it's hardly a surprising deduction is it?

you just said you cannot afford new seasons clothes but the clothes and treats add up. You are not budgeting apparently. Also a wife of self employed person who did not know how to save for when that tax bill came. Told him to do it.

i have friends that spend 6k plus on 2 wks in the summer holidays. We cannot afford that & it's not worth it.

@Coldanddamp yep I think my expectations are probably not aligned with cost of living. I’m terrible for comparing too and feeling guilty if X took their kids here and we didn’t etc.

just want them to have some lovely childhood experiences you know 😁

They are. I was literally looking am hour ago. You can go for half that amount.

Obviously not, but the op talks in gross per annum - they earn over £10k per month as the other poster said.

Everybody talks about their salary in gross terms. But when talking about budgeting you use net figures. You don't need to be embarrassed about it! 😆

firstly you need to be sure you are setting enough aside for Dh tax etc, a third of every month. before even you pay bills straight into an a high interest account just for tax ( one of those where you can only make 3-4 withdrawals per year as in actual fact you will only be withdrawing twice 31st of january and 31st of july for tax.Do not use this account for anything else at all

I would suggest you budget on the basis of his worst month, and then when he has a good month the surplus goes to savings for holidays christmas etc. I have been self employedfor years and budget on the basis of the average of the worst 3 months so a bad month never leaves us in overdraft

as DH is self employed you need 6 months very basic living expenses as emergency fund ie keeping roof over head and fed and warm

as you say you can go SIM only you can get unlimited data for less than £15 a month

treats and takeaways need to be limited to special occasions until you have enough savings not for ever, if you want to go away in July try and have 3 months where you don't buy anything that is not absolutely necessary.
kids clothes they don't need that much certainly not different stuff for spring and summer spring wear winter stuff with one layer less, obviously may need shorts for summer etc as children grow but they don't need 20 different options

it is easy with coffee lnches activities to spend £2-300 a month, but you can take your own food ( drinks are heavy so sometimes worth buying those and just an icecream as a treat rather than a wholelunch

until you account for every penny you won't know where th money is going just get your last 3 months bank statements credit cards and work it out it is easyfor a notional £600 christmas budget to turn into £800+ as you forgot stockings and some food items and something for the teacher neighbour the taxi to works do etc etc

@HipToTheHopDontStop all inclusive? Would love recommendations if you saw cheaper ones 🙏

£6k on a summer holiday just seems wild doesn’t it. I think recently my priorities have changed a bit if I’m honest. It’s like it’s hit me ill need to retire at some point and so even more reluctant to spend unnecessarily!

cant wait to pay the car off too. I think we could hand it back in theory but dont think DH would go for it

You don't say?

The point is the op has high income.

If other people can live on far less (OP's household earns 2.5 x average) the op must be spending far more.

@mrsconradfisher

But being able to afford to pay your son's university fees is still a privilege and a choice you are able to make.

@Wheredoesitgo The problem is these threads attract those who will be outraged you earn so much.

@Wheredoesitgo if you scrapped the car, that would almost pay for your summer holiday. It's all about priorities. I don't think most people can afford to have everything they want, but have to pick a priority.

For me it's travel over material items.

Embarrassed you got it wrong?

I think recently my priorities have changed a bit if I’m honest. It’s like it’s hit me I'll need to retire at some point and so even more reluctant to spend unnecessarily!

I've become quite reluctant to spend money. I'm very conscious that uni costs will keep increasing, that pension age is moving out & I may not get a state pension etc.

Just some suggestions and not a criticism re trampolining being £50 all in. First, I tended to avoid those kind of places when my daughter was young and find free activities. If we did go, I never spent on snacks there and would bring water and fruit/nibbles & my coffee in a thermal travel cup. Even now anytime we go out or travel we take our own snacks where possible. Not just because it’s cheaper but it’s usually nicer too. Also, just generally cut down spending on eating out and coffees etc. I don’t mean completely but it’s amazing how much one can waste on food/drink that isn’t even that nice. Good luck.

@verycloakanddaggers i listed above roughly what our outgoings are.

biggest expenses:
mortgage
Child maintenance
wraparound childcare
council tax
car
utilities
food

the above adds up to just under £5k, as a minimum without anything extra or emergency fund, one off payments etc.

No outrage here but if you can't manage on a top 5% wage either your bills are very high or you spend too much.

The op isn't giving any details about bills, so presumably there's a lot of drip drip drip spending.

Everyone below billionaire level has to make spending choices.

@verycloakanddaggers ive just shared our bare minimum outgoings

What @ozyin said - we did most of that, except we always struggled to save as we bought one fixer-upper after another and spent a small fortune on renovations - worth it in the end, but every time we had a few K saved, off it went to plumber/builder/sparks.

My. mind was blown by how much DH used to spend on coffees and lunches. I pointed it out to him, and he started taking a flask of coffee, which didn't save a fortune per week, but it totted up very fast - £15 a week is £70 a month, £840 a year.

We bought a tent, too, and had some wonderful family holidays in it. Never went AI, did sometimes do self-catering. I honed the art of the cheap day out.

Edited to add, we saved a fortune by buying a series of old clunkers. We gradually traded up from a serious clunker to a half-decent car, but we always bought them outright, so we never had any debt apart from the mortgage.

Im going to hazard a guess and suggest it has to do with spending most of what you earn.