To wonder why it feels like we have no money?

[Wheredoesitgo]

DH and I earn well between us. We aren’t mega wealthy or even close but we should be very comfortable and I just feel like we aren’t.

I just feel like we have no money? DH is self employed and had a tough few months last year and the tax return coming up isn’t helping but even month to month my earnings just seem to disappear with not a lot to show for it…

Would love to go away (2 primary school aged DC) but a week in Spain in July (just before school holidays by a few days to try and reduce the pride a bit!) is coming in at around £1100 plus each for a week AI (we spend less this way with the kids than self catering usually as they are fussy). They need spring/summer wardrobes but feel like I can’t really buy new and can only afford bundles on Vinted which I never find exactly what I want.

I dread the food shop as there’s just no way to get it cheaper.

I’d love some new boots but can’t justify the cost.

As I said we earn quite well so it just seems crazy to me that things feel so tight - anyone else in the same boat?!

'We aren’t mega wealthy or even close but we should be very comfortable and I just feel like we aren’t'.
The mega-wealthy are doing better and better. The rest of us are worse and worse off. That's the plan.

I'm not quite sure what this has to do with the OP's dilemma but as the mother of 4 teenage boys/young men the answer is sides. Serve it w roasties and bread stuffing and Yorkshire puds, gravy and a shitload of veg and you can get away with each portion of meat being quite moderate. Never let them fill up on meat.

@verycloakanddaggers

when the op made her financial decisions her salary bought a lot more than it does today

op why did you not get a crystal ball to at least predict this CoL crisis that is going on 😂

also op I found a great ISA deal if you can afford to put your savings in for 5 years

www.castletrust.co.uk/savings/rates?product#fixedratee-cashisa

@HipToTheHopDontStop haha, okay. Yes - mandarin lessons are clearly a priority. Your answers show you’re pretty out of touch to be honest.

And have a chip on your shoulder.

You have no idea who is behind any of these usernames and yet you feel entitled to talk to people like that.

And insulting people’s names too (don’t say you weren’t trying to be derogatory with the choices). Nice person. Have a good rest of your evening!

I honestly don't think it matters with holidays
I never went abroad with my family as a child (actually haven't had a holiday abroad since I was 13)
My best holiday i remember was when we took one of my friends and stayed around Lancashire (we lived down south)
Hired a motor home and drove through the illuminations, swimming in the rivers, eating picnics. Being told not to get wet if we paddled and coming back drenched

@NeverDropYourMooncup we weren’t considering. We can’t/wont spend it. That is my point. Things that were once reasonably priced no longer are.

We are retired now, but when we were working we were pulling in very good incomes. I had a model in which people spend their "big" money on a few things. The main categories were home (mortgage or improvements or fancy furniture), cars, holidays, clothes, hobbies (including kids' sports etc), and drinking alcohol/eating out. Even on a nice comfortable top-5% household income, say £120k gross, it's hard to be able to do more than two of those with comfort and still save money. In our case it was holidays and hobbies. Obviously we also had a house and a car and bought clothes and had occasional meals out, but no more than people who earned a lot less than us, whereas we did go on holiday quite a bit and our DC always had the right equipment and lessons.

OP, at one point you mentioned "the odd treat", and I wonder what is included in that. We don't eat out much at all, but we were house/dog-sitting over New Year and went out for a few meals, not far from where I think you live. We were surprised at how fast the money goes, even in a pub. Two drinks, two mains, two coffees, 12.5% service charge, bang, £65. Do that twice a week and it's £6500 in a year, which is £10k before tax.

Exactly this. My DH has always said it was the way that the Tories made half the population vote for Brexit, saying it's immigrants taking away everything, but in reality, it's a way of making the masses poorer by voting for them tactically. I think he's right in some ways, but i guess it's probably too late to change much now

@Quitelikeit exactly this - I chose for the cost of living/mortgage rates etc. energy prices to go up to such high levels that a good salary no longer goes as far… how could I lol

@Wheredoesitgo have a look at the Money Saving Expert forums for budget advice.

Where most people go wrong is adding up the regular monthly expenses but forgetting the annual ones.

The advice is to add on all of these and divide by 12 so that things like car MOT, service, Christmas presents, birthday presents, professional fees etc aren't forgotten.

In terms of day to day spending the phrase 'look after the pennies' remains true.

It is about deciding on your priorities for treats. It's easy to think 'i deserve an ice cream ' on this day out but then that's £12 gone. Or 'its just a hotdog ' at the trampoline park but that's another £20. And I'll grab a pizza on the way home another £20.

Not big things but it's more than £200 a month for those small decisions. If your husband does the same then that's potentially £400 a month and that's the cost of your holiday over the year.

Some people prefer the little and often approach to treating themselves and that's fine. But if you have a different goal then giving the kids a snack before the trampoline park and making sure you have sandwiches in the car for afterwards is the type of change you need to make.

I like a day out and think they are important but I tend to take our own food and drink. Buying four bottles of juice can be the best part of £15 and it doesn't really add anything to the experience of the day so I'm happy to refill my water bottle instead.

Sometimes I book a premier inn on a good offer and enjoy doing the parks, museums etc somewhere else. It feels like good time away but is really only the same price as activities that are over and done in an hour.

I can't stretch to holidays abroad but my kids get plenty of low budget UK holidays and while they are still primary age they are easily pleased. I'm making the most of that while I can and hoping that once the mortgage is paid off we can splash out a bit more.

@denhaag

I completely agree with you. Most seem to mortgage themselves up to the eyeballs and don't allow for a change in circumstances.

I do think there's a lot of pressure nowadays that there just wasn't when I was a kid. We hardly had much growing up and probably felt hard done by, but that's just how it was for our family.

I think the treats really do add up. That £200 went on:
trip to trampoline park
a McDonald’s once after swimming
a Indian takeaway one weekend
one Sunday a carvery
and a little on sweets after school

So on average £50 per ‘weekend treat’ or activity

One expense I’ve noticed that has gone up a lot is days out. I priced 2 games for a family of 4 at a bowling chain and it came to £100! Like WTF? It’s bowling. Free days outs at museums and parks are the way forward for us.

@iamnotalemon we deliberately under mortgaged. Bought a house around 25% less than was offered and am so so glad we did that now after the interest shot the monthly payment up

@UnderTheStairs51

i genuinely don’t think op is going wrong - we are literally being stripped financially every month by financial institutions

even when we go to the supermarket- it’s everywhere - fuel, food, even a family day out its inescapable

I can only see it getting worse tbf!

You'd worked out the dates and researched the prices for what you wanted. That's not the actions of somebody who wasn't seriously considering it; you'd just not bother looking in that case.

On the income you have, it's your spending patterns that are the problem, not the prices, not the income itself; it's just the sheer amount of things you are buying or paying for that you've not thought about, all adding up to a huge amount each month.

@Wheredoesitgo - good job you did. I was just speaking generally though. But you do need to get rid of your car 😂😂

@NeverDropYourMooncup i looked at holidays expecting them to be much less, so wasn’t considering that much ever.

I don't mean to state the obvious then but the OP could choose to spend less if concerned!

Prices have risen for everyone, and in that situation the choice is either accept the higher cost or cut back.

We all know prices have risen, we all live on planet earth.

Get the ynab software- it’s worth the investment. It will track every single penny and you will be able to see where the money is going. The food I agree is shockingly expensive. But you can make some choices- bbc or Disney plus, Netflix or prime. See if you can reduce internet package, subscriptions, gym. Trampoline park or a takeaway. So you aren’t deprived but not having it all every month. Kids clubs add up sooo much, mine do swimming and one other of choice. Swap the car for a cheaper lease (we have a suv for 200). And we do last minute uk holidays, haven etc. combined income of 48k in our household

@iamnotalemon i need to convince DH he is adamant we’ve got to keep it 😐

@Strictlymad i think I definitely need to look at kids activities that are free and/or less. And stop the mum guilt / comparing to others for sure.

When you were a child, did you have a new spring/summer wardrobe and AI holidays abroad?
I did as a child and it was a shock that for a while I couldn't afford what I had throughout my childhood!! My mum bought me something new every Friday when she got paid and we went to a 'boutique' as they were called and I could pick something to wear for the school disco that night.

We are the same. We both have reasonable jobs and for the first time in years we won't be going abroad. Everything has just jumped in price and flights to go to Spain in May school hols are coming up at over 2k for four of us. Flights only.
We have just come back from a weekend break which was a cheap lodge with a hot tub so will have a few mini breaks as that was only 270 for three nights. Just booked a caravan for Easter for 180 for 3 nights.
It's frustrating as we both work hard and just don't have money to go abroad this year.
I keep telling myself at least this way we have 2-3 little breaks even if we don't get the sun. I won't pay the silly holiday prices for a couple of weeks in the sun.
In addition to this I am not buying any clothes for myself this year..just the kids.

Mum guilt is the worst. Look for offers on days out, Colchester zoo do £10 entry for January. Use clubcard vouchers. The websites mums guide to and day out with the kids are great for ideas for cheap or free days out, we love Lego land etc but they are megabicks but there’s lots of alternatives if you look closely. Darwin escapes is like a mini centre parcs as well for a cheap winter holiday