The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

[crazymomma93]

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

We read The Catcher in the Rye at 12, its recommended for 14+ and a GCSE text, but covers much adult content -- oh well, life goes on!

I'd be much more concerned about what your child is exposed to online rather than in the classroom.

When I was a teenage boy in the 80's the most excitement we got outside of reading books was looking up dirty words in the big dictionary in the library or spelling boobs on our calculators, a changed world.

Wow! Are you okay?

Lots of children who enjoy reading , take out and read books from the adult library.
Reading a book for a 14 yr old when one is 12 is hardly a stretch.

YABU.

well I don’t think you’d find fifty shades of grey or a Steven king novel next to the little mermaid in a library 🤦‍♀️

Batshit.

You seemed quite normal and calm and then the last paragraph was like you'd had a personality transplant. Give your head a wobble it's not a big deal

I studied The Bloody Chamber at GCSE and survived it. I have a copy of it next to my bed currently 😂

Your DD sounds a bit sensitive and you sound as your username suggests.

No, but there’s nothing stopping people going to different sections. You also wouldn’t find true crime next to a Mills & Boon.

Ah to be 12 and discovering Jilly Cooper for the first time again.

also remember when Judy Blume’s Forever was banned from the school library.

@crazymomma93

OP, I was just wondering whether they were any downsides to your daughter not reading the book.

Is it a book the whole class is reading and discussing? Do they have to do homework relating to the book and are there exams on the year's work in the summer in which there would be a question on it?

I don't fear my emotions or crying, so I have no issue with reading upsetting books.

What a bloody fuss.

Books don't have age ratings the way films do. They may have content guidance on the book and they are generally grouped by age range but that's not a hard and fast rule, it's just a suggestion.

Books will often challenge us, they make us question our own lives, morals, values, experiences... trying to address that with her is better than sheltering her

You'd be better asking the tutor/teacher what their version of the conversation was. It's entirely possible the teacher said "they are only words" as part of a bigger explanation or said something your DD took as "it's only words". Something like "it can be distressing sometimes, the things we read. But it's important to remember that they are only words, words which create pictures in our heads but still just words. Nothing which can harm you."

Also: got some great recommendations from this thread now. Thanks everyone!

Oh my god, people really need to learn what gaslighting is.

Nailed it.

I am guessing you are quite a bit older than me, I am 49 and I most certainly read “scary” and “upsetting” literature including crime, death and sex. I never read Austen or Dickens at school, but did read Steinbeck, Hart Snider, Lee among others. I also vividly remember a poem on the syllabus which was - incredibly- written by a 15-year-old girl - I’ve just found it online now, it’s The Backslappers by Jenny Mitchell. I was able to find it as I recalled most of one stanza which has stuck with me all these years. It’s a brutal and unflinching piece about teenage sex, male attitudes and coercion which has enormous impact and I remember the discussions in class which I can see now were so valuable even if uncomfortable.

Outside of school I read King and Laymon and when I was about eight one of my favourite books was an anthology of true crime and disasters which my dad found in someone’s bin (he was a dustman). I read about a nightclub fire, a shark attack, the Moors Murders, James Hanratty.

I’ve always had very robust mental health.

Absolutely
Telling someone they might be wrong is not gaslighting and it pretty much diminishes the actual abuse gaslighting is

Crying at a book is not a bad thing though - it can be very cathartic. And again, books about people dying from AIDS are really important - both in terms of demystifying and destigmatising the condition and also in reminding the reader of the importance of safe sex/not sharing needles/the corruption of the system in terms of blood products being a purchasable commodity.

It is literally the opposite. Experiencing strong and dark emotions through literature is beneficial for young people’s mental health as it encourages the exploration of those emotions through a safe space/constructed framework and lets them explore and interrogate things they will have to encounter in real life through the page rather than having to deal with it first in the real world.

There are a lot of studies to evidence this also.

As for “we didn’t read scary or upsetting books” and mentioning Dickens - are you serious?! Pip in Great Expectations is orphanned, abused by his aunt, chased across the moors by an escaped convict, his aunt is brutally murdered, a sociopath grooms him from childhood, he loses everything. David Copperfield is orphaned, abused, sent to work in the glue factory, his mentor goes bankrupt and his wife dies. Or let’s look at that classic Jane Eyre, shall we? Where she is abused, sent to effectively the workhouse, spends the night sleeping next to a dead body, sent to a live with a man who keeps his schizophrenic wife chained in the attic, who escapes repeatedly and attempts murder, then there’s a huge fire in which one of the characters is severely injured? Or even Pride and Prejudice - grooming, underage sex, a conman who preys on young women…..

The classics aren’t devoid of scary or upsetting content just because they are old. And nor should books be.

Thanks for the good morning laugh you've given me, OP, over a crap book written by the most boring, vacuous, tedious couple in existence 😂

You know, there's something you could teach your daughter to do, if she feels uncomfortable with the content of a book. Books have a clever little design that allows you to close them. This means you can no longer read the words inside. Perhaps you could suggest this simple fix, so that your daughter is no longer uncomfortable.

I'm so glad I don't teach children any more.

It seems to be crazy mum day on MN today. God help the teachers.

I read Germinal as a young adult and was pretty surprised by the graphic grimness. I think it would be absolutely fine for a young teenager to read (I think everything is ok for a young teenager to read) but imo it would definitely upset some of them. It's a book which contains descriptions of extreme poverty/starvation/shocking murder, etc.?

Don’t forget the spontaneous human combustion in Bleak House!

I think the teacher would be right, re: 'they're only words' depending on whether it related to individual word/s in the book, e.g. someone calling a female character a "bitch", but not if it was related to a whole text having a misogynistic meaning or purpose.

Yeah, was originally horrified that crap churned out by celebs was being used as set material for English but now on a re read I see the DD was allowed to choose a different book.