I don't know how to have a normal life

[babasaclover]

I have been incredibly depressed. Even getting up and showering / eating / drinking water has been like a marathon.

I've recently come out of that somewhat and being able to get myself back on track, I've started going to the gym and it has helped the mood exponentially. So now I'm in limbo and not living a 'normal' life. I go to the gym / swim and then when I get home I simply wander the house unsure what to do with the day. I do the housework washing etc but it's not enough I'm wasting the weekend. Tbh I'm wasting my evenings too.

Can you help me structure a day please? What things should I be doing? Appreciate the weather is rough but I can't simply hibernate until spring.

I had an awful upbringing. AIBU to think I can ever trust my own judgement to know what is normal?

1. Get outside and move in natural light. Find a beautiful field or wood and walk. Even on a dull day the light will lift your mood, and so will the movement.

2. Talk to people. You can usually sense when someone is good and kind. Smile and make an effort. I don’t want to get too new agey, but you do kind of get back what you put out there. Smile and be kind and the world will return it (to some extent). When you walk, stop and stroke someone’s dog and smile and ask how old it is. Don’t pester or hold them up - even a two second exchange, so long as it’s pleasant, can lift your mood

3. Read the classics. They work on you in a way I can’t explain. Dickens, Jane Austen, George Eliot, D H Lawrence, etc…think of reading them as food for the soul. You go to the gym to help your body, and you read Bleak House to nourish your soul. Even if you find it a grind, keep plugging. I don’t just read for entertainment. Also, listen to audiobooks. Stephen Fry reading P. G. Wodehouse or Sherlock Holmes is bliss. I’d also recommend Brian Blessed reading his own work, Absolute Pandemonium, and Michael Maloney reading Waugh’s Decline and Fall.

4. My final piece of advice is odd, but trust me. Read out loud. When you are home alone, read passages from the classics that lift you. Anything beautiful or joyful. It might be a poem, a passage from Brideshead Revisited, or even an extract from a science or travel book. It doesn’t matter. So long as it’s uplifting, read it out loud. I do this all the time, especially P G Wodehouse (I do a superb Jeeves 😁). Patrick Fermor’s A Time of Gifts is another favourite, and also David Copperfield. A book is a miracle. You have the mind of someone dead for centuries captured/frozen there on the page. And when you read them out loud, that mind is alive in the room with you.

@babasaclover Im glad you like my idea,but from your updates i actually get the feeling that you are being too hard on yourself.

What is wrong with being lazy? You dont have to be useful all the time to be allowed to breathe the air on this earth. You dont have to accomplish something every day to tick a worthyness box. Also, there is no normal. Some of us like to stay in pjs all weekend and some of us do a 5k run every morning. Im neither of those, but that's ok too.

I think you might benefit from meditation. To be able to connect with your own inner voice and what it tells you. Check out guided meditations on youtube. They are free. That might be the most useful use of your free time. To stop the noise around you and connect with you.

Hey Op 👋..
Well done to you , I suffer from bouts of depression, worst being end of September just gone until middle of November..
I missed work for 6 weeks , just could not face people & I quit the gym ( still haven’t gone back ) ..I went to a local village for my shopping cause I didn’t want to meet anyone I knew down town where I live . Long story short , I know exactly what you are talking about , you’re doing brilliant..x
I live with my children so keeps me busy & I read ..
You should take things slowly, maybe try out a few things & there may be something you might like to do in the evenings/ weekends..
When someone doesn’t feel well mentally, it’s very hard to stay out of one’s head ..
Anyway , you sound like a fighter ..
Wishing you nothing but happiness & Goodness for the future x

If you get like this try some gentle soothing exercise. Google for videos of chi gong, yin yoga or yoga nidra. Also good to take care of your back with gentle back exercises. Looking after future you!

Well done on what you're doing. A close friend has had depression on and of during the many years we have known each other so I have seen what it's like. You are doing really well.

Are you under a community mental health team? If so could you ask to be referred to their Occupational Therapist? This is exactly their area to help you with,

Thank you so much to you all. This has been so helpful, I've taken a little bit of what you all said on board and going to apply to daily life 🥰

Feeling positive 🙌

I don't know this was a think, going to look into thank you.

Been on and off antidepressants over the years but this has never been discussed.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I hope you get back to the gym when appropriate and get those endorphins going 💪

Thank you. Stopping the noise sounds good.

I have booked into some yoga and Pilates at the gym (they are included in my membership). Fingers crossed it's a good fit for me