I don't know how to have a normal life

[babasaclover]

I have been incredibly depressed. Even getting up and showering / eating / drinking water has been like a marathon.

I've recently come out of that somewhat and being able to get myself back on track, I've started going to the gym and it has helped the mood exponentially. So now I'm in limbo and not living a 'normal' life. I go to the gym / swim and then when I get home I simply wander the house unsure what to do with the day. I do the housework washing etc but it's not enough I'm wasting the weekend. Tbh I'm wasting my evenings too.

Can you help me structure a day please? What things should I be doing? Appreciate the weather is rough but I can't simply hibernate until spring.

I had an awful upbringing. AIBU to think I can ever trust my own judgement to know what is normal?

working from home isn't great for mental health sometimes, it's too easy to hide behind a screen and either get very little work done or work all the hours in the day to fill the time!
If I WFH i like to do a task (a load of washing, put a load of laundry away, or wash up from the night before etc) before I start work or I go for a short walk round the block as my "commute". Then I feel like I've done something other than just role out of bed and sit in front of a computer all morning.
Lunchtime I do similar - either go for a walk (often to pick up bits for lunch or dinner or collect a prescription etc), do a household task or go to the gym if I have time.
Then i try and be disciplined about not working beyond office hours in the evening. Go to the gym or running, have a shower, make dinner, tidy round and then watch TV for an hour or so and that tends to be the evening gone.
Weekends I do a hobby, a big food shop, catch up on washing and housework, see friends and the BF - sometimes we just stay in and watch TV but might go for coffee, a pint before dinner, a meal out, cinema, go for a walk etc.

You go to the gym and work full time, that’s lot. I’d be happy having downtime around that.

I've found that having one or two social or out of the house things through the week helps, but not pressuring myself to do more, because it just leads to me burning out and getting back to the place where I don't leave my house for days again.

So on Saturday mornings I do a group exercise class, which is often followed by coffee/brunch with people from the class. Parkrun would also work for this, if you want a gentle social follow on from the exercise.

Once a month I go to a walking book club (emilyswalkingbookclub if you are in London) - lovely, low pressure, structured chats, gets me out of the house and reading things I wouldn't usually consider.

I try to make sure I'm seeing a friend at least every other weekend - even if it's just for a walk or a coffee.

If I really feel like I've just been festering at home, I'll go and read in a cafe or quiet pub. It means I still feel like I'm part of the world but without the requirement to be social becoming overwhelming.

Absolutely love this. I have downloaded the app and I am going to try this my first venture into AI. Thank you!

I also think it can get very granular for when you need everything spelled out for you and have zero mental energy. So I don’t need to think about what I’m doing when I get up because I’m just following the plan I’ve set - to the extent that I’ve added in brush teeth, put out clothes for next day etc.

If you’re looking for ideas of things you can do that could fill your time at the weekend, then I think TikTok can be quite good for this. It’s cringey but type in things like “solo girl Saturday” and you’ll see a few ideas of itineraries. And then my tip would be to plan those out in advance as well (schedule some time for that in one of your evenings) - having something fixed that you can work around is super helpful for me, eg knowing I’ve booked to go to the cinema or to a museum and then think ok maybe I’ll do a walk around this park nearby or mooch into these shops, oh this is a good coffee shop nearby. Just because you are spending time alone doesn’t mean it can’t be special. If you’re not in a big city or on a tight budget then you could think about planning a couple of nice walks.

I definitely do feel the same maybe it is ingrained from a child 🤷‍♀️ I was almost manic walking in the house at the weekend couldn't sit still

People here have given great suggestions - just wondering are you being treated for your depression with therapy and/or meds? Seems like you’re doing a great job and you should be proud of yourself. I’m coming out of a depressive episode myself and know it isn’t easy ❤️

When I retired recently I started working through some of these. They're like badges for adults to try lots of things. Some things o liked some I didn't

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rebel-Badge-Book-Badges-Adults/dp/B09JR7ZMSH/ref=ascdffB09JR7ZMSH?mcid=4a0959f29c323ae4a5155757364e0994&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697338064730&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4219524645925787044&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006699&hvtargid=pla-1457560096744&psc=1&gadsource=1&dplnkId=05063f23-39fe-4990-9bfb-761a8c4002e4&nodl=1

Do you get tv shows/ movies recommended to you in chats with colleagues or friends? If so, keep a list in your phone notes.

Then, make it a rule that the TV goes on specifically to watch one of the recommendations. It gives a purpose to the TV watching, and then gives something to chat about with the person who recommended it to you.

Normal is overrated. Build the life YOU want doing things you want to. I'd really recommend reading how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones.

Hi, I’m in a similar boat to you.

Im moving in 2 weeks so things are a bit chaotic right now so I’m unable to have a solid structure right now. But my plan is:

-get up
-walk dog
-gym
-shower
-go to work

work 9-6

-go home
-walk dog
-shower/bath
-dinner
-puzzles/crafting
-reading/bed

I also want to make some plans after work too so I’m not bored doing the same things. Drinks with friends etc. if you read about the blue zones, the happiest people have a fulfilling social life too.

could you also have a pet?

And I hope you feel better soon. It’s horrible isn’t it. But know you are not alone - this too shall pass ❤️

Sounds like you need a social life with a few friends?

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you can pursue? Your local library or town’s Facebook page will have adverts for meeting times for local hobby groups and activities so why not set yourself a target of trying 1 or 2 groups or activities a week for the next month or so and see if any of them grab your interest? I do various craft activities as a hobby and attend a couple of different groups a week and have made some new friends this way which includes a few who I see outside of the group.

Hey.

Well done on taking up the gym, it’s the one thing guaranteed to make me feel better in a day and the additional benefits of getting healthy and in shape help.

Have you considered getting a pet? I think you stated you work from home - maybe a little dog would be a nice addition to your life. Something to give you unconditional love and a reason to get you out of the house a couple of times a day. You could research breeds or check out your local rescue centres.

Do you have a garden? If so could you perhaps spend time either getting it in shape or tending to it. If you have lots of spare time then consider growing edibles which can be really rewarding.
Could or would you consider volunteering? Charities are generally grateful for help and you may meet some lovely people along the way. Also consider your local church (I’m not particularly religious and you don’t need to be to attend) they do tend to be warm and welcoming places where you may meet new friends, they often have a coffee and chat session on a Sunday after the service which might be nice for you to get involved with.

I think that planning and constantly looking out for events, groups is the way forward. It doesn't need to cost much, could be local groups, litter picking, craft club at local library, anything to get out of the house

I personally spend a lot of time watching netflix series. I also try and learn something new, could be something like using duolingo to learn a language, I dont really care if I learn it properly its more like something to do. Cooking can take a lot of time if you get into that. Cross words or art.I also have an adult colouring book

One of the best ways of moving forwards and getting out of your own headspace is by being of service.
I know you work full time.
But find out if there is anywhere locally which could do with a bit of extra help, even if it’s just a couple of hours.
Could be a food bank or a local charity - getting involved in something where you help others is so rewarding and you also get to meet other people.
Finally I have never known anyone who has joined a choir who hasn’t loved it. Not just a church choir either.
It’s a way of being with other people creating something worthwhile. Great for the soul!

Came to suggest this

I'd massively recommend getting out of the house for the 'work' part of your day if possible. Would your employer pay for you to use a hotdesk service like WeWork a couple of days a week? If not, a library or coffee shop?

It really does make all the difference, changing your surroundings.

You say that eating and drinking can be hard work, so why not make meal planning and cooking more of an ‘activity’ and let it take up a set amount of time during the week?
Do you drive? If so, can you afford a membership to something like national trust or historic houses? It’d give you somewhere new to go each weekend, if you’d find that sort of thing interesting?
A online book club?
Online learning? Harvard university do free lectures and courses online.
It’s important to remember that normal life often is just relaxing in your free time, watching telly or reading, catching up with the housework - especially when you work full time. I tend to have Saturdays as a day for going out and doing something and then Sunday for relaxing at home and doing jobs.

You are married Op… do you have any routines with your husband? Like dinner together at roughly same time?

Honestly I think you should go easy on yourself. You working full time, keeping on top of housework, and exercising! That's pretty good! If you want to start a hobby of something that's great, but mainly I think you should work on accepting yourself.

What things make you happy OP?

Your spare time should include things that make you relaxed and happy.

Have you tried doing puzzles, reading, painting, sewing? There are lots of easily accessible hobbies that you could take up at home. Maybe dip your toe in a try a few?

I find having classical music on in the background at home really relaxing.

Try and find little moments to spoil yourself, you deserve it. Pick up a bar of chocolate (or whatever you fancy) after work on a Friday and run yourself a bath and do a face mask etc. little things to remind yourself you deserve to be happy and treated.

making small changes can have a big impact. Start small and it’s not so over whelming. Put your phone away and hour before bedtime and read instead.

Get yourself outside more as well. Nature and fresh air are medicine. Smile and say good morning to people or compliment someone. It could make their day and also makes you feel good too.

How are you managing with parenting OP?

Plus young children according to other threads