I don't know how to have a normal life

[babasaclover]

I have been incredibly depressed. Even getting up and showering / eating / drinking water has been like a marathon.

I've recently come out of that somewhat and being able to get myself back on track, I've started going to the gym and it has helped the mood exponentially. So now I'm in limbo and not living a 'normal' life. I go to the gym / swim and then when I get home I simply wander the house unsure what to do with the day. I do the housework washing etc but it's not enough I'm wasting the weekend. Tbh I'm wasting my evenings too.

Can you help me structure a day please? What things should I be doing? Appreciate the weather is rough but I can't simply hibernate until spring.

I had an awful upbringing. AIBU to think I can ever trust my own judgement to know what is normal?

You’re missing out some pretty major info Op

namely you are married and have young children.

It work not an option, suggest volunteering. Could be very low key, clearing a park, welcome people to a hospital, anything. Something with structure. Gym is a great start - well done.

Yes, why withhold key information about your life, OP?

The OP says she has a FT job, and, according to other threads has young children, so the implication of oceans of free time to be filled seems quite odd.

Just wasting posters time isn’t it
Very strange

It can be a good use of your time if it’s want you want to do and you enjoy it. And as a matter of fact I think it is more normal than not.

I agree with the PP who suggests that you need to find ways to be comfortable in your own company. Do you also want to be more sociable? It’s fine if not, but I find that, especially if working from home, it’s good to do some activities with others from time to time. Does your gym do classes? That is a way of edging yourself towards sharing energy with others.

It sounds daft but is there a non-audition choir near you? Singing is endorphin-releasing central. Or a walking or running group?

Or even something like life drawing. I’m suggesting things where you might feel you are achieving something and can be alongside people but without the pressure to be hugely sociable.

Any ideas f these sound possible? You might need to gently push yourself slightly beyond your comfort zone at first. But it sounds as if structure is helpful to you so something regular and directed could be helpful.

Literally if not work (from home so able to hide a lot of the depressive traits) I'm on sofa watching tv.
Meanwhile what are your young children doing?

I am autistic so like a routine. I work from home so my life is not my own until 5pm. Then I cook and eat between about 5 and 6pm. I wash up and make sure the kitchen is clean and then on gym nights I head out about 18:30. It's 30 min drive so am home around 20:30. I then have a shower and make a hot drink and sit with a biscuit and watch an hour of TV. I am in bed by 10pm and use an app called Better Sleep to play me 30 minutes of relaxing sounds until go to sleep. Alarm goes off at 6:45.

Weekends are harder as lots of free time sees me struggle. I now do Park run on Saturday morning followed by a leisurely cafe breakfast with a book to read. I head home and have a shower and change. Then I do housework & food shopping with an audiobook on or some music. I tend not to eat lunch so I buy something a bit more complicated to cook for dinner and spend an hour or maybe more cooking for dinner. I will end up having eaten by about 6pm.

On Sunday I get up later and make myself a complicated breakfast (like french toast) and then I head out on a hike. Preferably one that ends up at a pub or passes a cafe so I can grab a hot drink. I get home early afternoon.

The activities I do in my "idle" time at home include;
Reading
Doing jigsaws
Having a bath and listening to music or a podcast / audiobook
Watching TV

I light nice smelling candles, have fluffy sofa blankets, light a fire, etc.. These things make sitting on the sofa watching TV feel cozy and special rather than a waste of time. I try to alternate my activities so I don't always watch TV.

My life has a rhythm and whilst I won't say it never varies I would say I most comfortable if it follows it's pattern.

You’ve done so well to get this far! Don’t put pressure on yourself!

If you work, go to the gym and have good healthy meals, in between time should be for you… reading, watching films, finding a hobby.. painting, calligraphy, sewing etc.

I find it hard to do nothing, but being present and just enjoying the moment is beneficial if you can manage it!

What a lovely routine :-)

OP ! Well done on posting and thinking about it.

Get yourself a Nintendo switch and 'Animal Crossing'. Just the best escapist fun ever.

Sometimes it's easy to be overwhelmed by all the possibilities of what you could be doing that you end up being paralysed and doing none of them.

Three things that helped me:
Getting outside - if you feel like you're going insane stuck at home, just get out for 20 mins, you will always feel better. Bonus points if you can go to a park or listen to a podcast
Remembering what I used to love - what did you enjoy as a child? For me it was drawing, playing video games and reading. Pick an activity that doesn't seem daunting and go from there
Three things a day - some days are better than others but I try not to schedule more than three chores a day so life is managable I.e. do one load of laundry, phone the dentist, buy a birthday card

I know this will sound silly but.....
Have you had any blood tests.
I was feeling quite low once upon a time.
I got blood tests and I was vitamin D Insufficient, & folate
The GP said this can have disastrous effects on your mood and no wonder I was feeling so low.
They don't test for vitamin D levels usually in the UK as almost everyone is deficient.

Insufficient and deficient are different levels of low.

Mine were almost non existent.
Also had a friend, she was almost diagnosed with post natal depression, she was actually low on folate.

I ended up vit D deficient the following year so now I'm constantly on a Vit D tablet

I have always put a normal face on and faced the world for anything involving my child. She has lots of clubs / interests / activities and I happily drive her to them / attend where necessary or sit in car when not needed like dance classes.

It has been draining and I was just going to bed when she does so that the mask could slip, wouldn't dream of letting her see my true feelings as she is too young.

Now I seem out of that phase I just want to be able to do more but don't know where to start. Am loving all the helpful suggestions here though so thank you :-)

I have just had a full work up beginning of January. TBH I was hoping it was something like that so it could be fixed with meds!

Hope you and your friends have stabilised now. Something we take for granted for sure

Would you feel comfortable joining a dating site or an evening college class? Ask someone from the gym if they wanted a coffee (male of female). Sorry if you don't feel ready for this yet or confident too ( i wouldn't).

Op you don’t mention you’re married with young DC in your OP

how come?

surely relevant if you say you can’t do anything other than sit on sofa after work

Surely with young DC you have a routine enforced on you by their very existence

or is your husband doing dinner, bath, bed etc

Not many tbh he does shift work and isn't very out there himself.

I've had no appetite for so long now I tend to cook for him and child but not actually join in the eating. I do like to provide nice meals for them just can't seem to enjoy them myself - though this is slowly improving which I'm attributing to going to the gym and burning calories so needing more food?

She has lots of clubs / interests / activities and I happily drive her to them / attend where necessary or sit in car when not needed like dance classes.

So you work full time
you gym
you have young DC that you parent
and you’re married

I’m baffled about all this empty routine-less time you have

So you also cook the evening meal for them both after working full time
presumably oversee homework, bathtime, bedtime occasionally

how come all this free time doing nothing?!

I do all the things she needs but on a weekend and evenings too she has clubs so I'm kind of in limbo, told my friend about this feeling and she thinks I'm mad as I have free time to do as I please which she would love. But it's hard to know where to start for instance drop child at 2 hour club tonight, I should definitely be doing something good with that time

Where would your DC and husband feature in this routine?

But she’s a young children according op…. All these club taking up all your evenings? And presumably you’re with her for some of them?

so odd not to mention your young DC in op

so odd

I’ll leave you to it