I don't know how to have a normal life

[babasaclover]

I have been incredibly depressed. Even getting up and showering / eating / drinking water has been like a marathon.

I've recently come out of that somewhat and being able to get myself back on track, I've started going to the gym and it has helped the mood exponentially. So now I'm in limbo and not living a 'normal' life. I go to the gym / swim and then when I get home I simply wander the house unsure what to do with the day. I do the housework washing etc but it's not enough I'm wasting the weekend. Tbh I'm wasting my evenings too.

Can you help me structure a day please? What things should I be doing? Appreciate the weather is rough but I can't simply hibernate until spring.

I had an awful upbringing. AIBU to think I can ever trust my own judgement to know what is normal?

please don't tell people to get pets...any pets... unless they really want a pet and are prepared to keep it and care for it properly for the whole of that pet's life.

That's what a lot of people do. Especially at this time of year. It's what I do every night from 5 till about 10 when I go to bed. If it's making you unhappy that's different. Read a book. Learn a language, new hobby?

Literally if not work (from home so able to hide a lot of the depressive traits) I'm on sofa watching tv. It can't be the best use of my time.

or, as your drips confirm, driving your children to clubs and after school activities; cooking the evening meal for your husband and DC

You are doing so well just keeping up with work and the gym. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to add too many things. Choose some relaxing things to do! I don’t have depression but at times quite crippling medicated anxiety and I like reading, cross stitch and jigsaws to keep my mind distracted and feel like I am doing something productive when I am actually sat down 😂 Feels more useful than watching TV although obviously there is nothing wrong that as an option!

@babasaclover You don't 'need' to he doing anything useful with your free time. Sitting on your phone when your dc is at a club is completely fine! You're allowed to just be.

But if you want to have a new way of looking at life, here's what i do (might sound a bit silly for some)..
For example a few years ago i wanted to get into running. I never enjoyed it before, but i decided that's what i needed to do for my health. So i started to tell myself, I'm the kind of person who gets home from work, changes into running gear and does a quick run. I kept on telling myself that story. And i started to run, and then i started to enjoy it, and now im really into it!
Another one.. In the beginning of 2025, i decided i needed to use my time better and stop procrastinating. So now i tell myself im the type of person who gets things done. And so far so good 😄 My house is a lot tidier, im dedicating a bit more time for my side hustle, ive baked etc.. I think its kind of positive brain washing!

Get a National Trust membership. Even if you don't 'enjoy it'. Get up, have breakfast, go to the gym, come home and shower and then go to a national trust, walk round the gardens, grab a little lunch and then walk round the countryside, go home, do 15 minutes of learning a language on Duolingo, cook a meal from scratch and then watch a film.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, one day you'll have the idea, I'd rather go to the cinema than a NT, fine, but replace an activity with an activity. And then learn what you like. Duolingo is great for little wins, and accomplishments, and I pick mine up whenever I have a free 5 minutes to stop my mind spiralling.

This.

I know how the black pit of depression feels, but a little fluffy friend can really help.

They don't count as they are things I have to do. It's being left to my own decisions I struggle with, my mind does not cope with not being busy - the depression sets its.

Dunno, your day off sounds like my Winter day off really. I don't really see anything wrong with a bit of Winter hibernation. I do some indoor workouts, bit of cooking, tidying, admin. I quite enjoyed it yesterday.

what did you used to enjoy,? I am saying "used to" because I am sensing that your low mood is sapping your energy both mental and physical. I think (and please feel free to disagree with me) that when we are very down and low it affects our motivation and concentration profoundly. I know that when I am struggling with my mood I cannot focus on a book and I am a usually an avid reader. Thati is just one example and of course personal to me so may not be relevant to you One thing I always do at the end of each day is mentally tick off what I have achieved,, be that washing my hair, hoovering, chatting with a friend. You are already doing so much, working and exercising, Be proud if yourself, Best wishes

Thank you so much. I think I needed to hear that. I just struggle to know the norm.

I really really like your idea of telling yourself these things. I'm going to write a list of what I want to be 🥰

Well you need to learn how to relax then. It's bizarre you never mentioned your DH and child in your first post though!

I gym at lunchbreak from work. I can't face going after work, the happy mask has to remain for work to pretend all is normal and it's exhausting so I have to go in lunch which is a massive improvement as prior to this I was sleeping for 50 mins and setting alarm to wake up and go back to work.

I'm proud of the gym but it's not enough.

What helped me tremendously (but may not work for you) was getting an e-bike. I now cycle for miles, have a coffee, cycle home.
I also joined an informal group of other people and go cycling with them once a week.

I think it's a struggle to know what is relaxing vs what is wasting time / being lazy

It took me a few weeks to get courage to post this and word it so I am sorry I didn't mention these. Hard to get it all right especially when depressed

He works most weekends and doesn't want to do anything anyway which is draining in itself.

Child is up for anything so I do things she wants to do so she has a happy life, I just don't know what makes me happy so trying to get some insight into the average weekends to get on and do more.

@OneDeftPombear

I'm in meetings all day face to face with people so they see my face

Maybe so but the more I'm busy the less time I have to think about it and that works for me

As you wfh and have the gym, would you consider a more sociable activity? A regular slot volunteering for example could be really good for you and benefit others? Or an evening class one night a week? Fill your diary but do also remember to schedule in downtime. It's OK to relax and watch a film or do a bit of cooking watching Netflix or have a bath and a facepack occasionally.

I think it's a struggle to know what is relaxing vs what is wasting time / being lazy

You work full time, go to the gym and have small children (and presumably do housework etc). That's plenty. It would not be at all lazy if you did literally nothing at all for the remainder of your available time (if you have any!).

Only fill your remaining time if you actually want to. If you do, I'd really recommend knitting and/or crochet. They are fun and relaxing but keep you occupied and they feel purposeful because you actually have something you've made!