Ex kicking off over present

[Woodstocks]

My step child turned 8 last week and wanted expensive branded rugby boots. My husband gifted them to him but bought a used pair. Now his ex is kicking off and spoiling the present for the son by berating the present because they aren’t brand new shoes.

Are we unreasonable for not buying a growing child brand new boots that get used once a week at practice? We ourselves also buy the majority of clothes from charity shops.

The way the request was phrased it sounded like the son asked for the boots and then got told to ask his dad for them (probably because they aren’t brand expensive!) and now she’s kicking off that he doesn’t love his son and doesn’t want good things for him because of this.

Do you have other children OP? Does your partner pay maintenance? Second hand boots for a birthday seems cheap

Second hand boots for necessity I can understand, although DS absolutely trashes his on the pitch (mud, wet, scuffed). For a gift that is pretty poor though.

As a child with fast growing feet and an expensive taste in football boots, we have done second hand, yes even for birthdays. We did explicitly tell him that we would be willing to buy a new, branded expensive pair once his feet stop growing.
As PP have said, he would rather this than a brand new pair that cost the same from Sports Direct

Nothing wrong with 2nd hand, imo, but other people may feel differently. If she falls into the latter camp, she may feel it's stingy and unhygienic.

It’s not unusual to buy rugby/football boots second hand. Friends seem to get bargains off vinted of barely worn boots but I don’t seem to find them. They’re often only £5-£10 cheaper than a brand new pair so I just buy new. However, if I were to buy a pair second hand, they would just be given to wear, not given as a gift, unless you’d had this conversation beforehand and they understood they could have the expensive option but they wouldn’t be brand new. Imagine opening your birthday present to find a second hand pair of boots you weren’t expecting. I think I’d be miffed too.

I think second hand trainers are a bit grim. I can understand someone buying them if they were really very hard up but definitely not an appropriate birthday present. Did you disinfect them?

Giving secondhand boots as a gift I think depends on the household norms and the budget.

Cost of living is high – if the budget was tight, it may only have allowed secondhand boots if he wanted branded ones, or secondhand boots may have meant the father could also get his son a couple of other bits he wanted. Surely we're not going to criticise that, as long as the boots were in good condition?

Similarly, if as a household, they openly give each other good quality secondhand stuff as presents, including adults to each other – then fair enough. There are a variety of perfectly good reasons to make that choice from environmental to financial.

My husband was a football coach for 10years when our boys were younger and never bought the boys secondhand boots.

They are made from material to mold very quickly to the shape of the wearers foot. And wearing sports shoes that do not fit correctly lead to injury and foot problems down the road.

Football kits were a different matter, i bought so many second-hand kits!

Used boots as a gift
Wow...that's low

We all have nearly everything second hand, asked my 11yo if he wanted new or used rugby boots (Christmas present) and he said used, able to get a better brand that way and they’re going to look exactly the same after one game whatever we do. It’s not like new ones would last more than a season anyway!

importantly, his Mum is definitely the villain here for suggesting second hand means less love. She’s hurting her son, no matter her feelings about the gift.

It's not buying used boots thats a problem. He was fine to buy his son used boots.

The problem was buying used boots and giving them as a birthday gift.😟

Out of interest, what was the difference, price wise?

Second hand shoes for a birthday present would probably be disappointing. What else did he get him?

Buying second hand is fine , but for birthday presents most people would expect to get something new.

I think how she handled it was out of order. but I wouldnt be happy with my children being gifted second hand shoes or trainers - it could mess up the way they walk/run in them because the shoes have been worn in.

Second hand shoes are tricky because they mould to feet very quickly and unles sthey have only been worn for a matter of hours they could be very uncomfortable, I gave and recieved many clothes from/to friends and family but never shoes apart from once when DS wore an expensive pair of trainers for a few hours and then announced they were too tight!
As a birthday gift I would not be impressed AT ALL though

How nice it must be to be so priviledged

Dad can pick up overtime to get a nicer gift. Used boots as a gift is lame af

You do know that not all jobs are paid by the hour? Paid overtime is not always a option.

No it's not.

There's a big market for this type of thing.

Exactly! I can work all the overtime I like, I won't get paid for it! Oh if only life was that easy.

People need to check their privilege.

I would happily take good condition second hand boots from someone I know just as shoes that are needed, but buying them from someone random and giving as a birthday gift - no. The mum hasn’t handled it well but honestly, I’d be appalled in her position too.

I work 2 jobs. Go ahead tho, cry about privilege

This.

Fine to have 2nd hand day to day, but for me, birthday/Christmas presents should be new, unless people aren't in a position to do that.

I would never give a child secondhand footwear. Footwear molds to the wearer's feet and may not give optimal support to the second wearer.

All the people clutching their noses are clearly not rugby players ! It's very normal to have second hand kids boots in most clubs I've come across!