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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put my children into the same bedroom even though we have space for them to have separate rooms?

102 replies

PDA · 19/01/2025 22:13

Same sex children, aged almost 2 and 5. They’re currently in separate rooms. Both good sleepers only waking at night if unwell. It would be great to have a room back for guests/office space (we both WFH and currently have 1 office so I work at the dining table, which is fine but not ideal).

Thoughts on pros and cons of room sharing for young children?

OP posts:
NoisyLemonDog · 20/01/2025 06:23

It's fine now but might become a pain when your oldest has a later bedtime than the youngest. Plenty of kids share though, mine did for years. If you have the option I would plan to give them their own rooms in a couple of years or so.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 20/01/2025 06:25

Yes!! I did this. Lots of gorgeous chats before bed between them and they’re so close now as teenagers. I loved sharing with my sister at this age.

Elasticatedtrousers · 20/01/2025 06:27

Mine share, really hate being apart and have a fabulous close relationship. No intention yet of separating them as it works for them. We'll review it when they start to raise it as an issue.

Ladyj84 · 20/01/2025 06:33

Me and my siblings all brought up sharing and loved it. Same for my own now the boys are together and the girls, when we got a new bigger house all 4 were given the option of own rooms and chose to still be together. It's probably what you get used to company and the majority of the time you hear the girls nattering away to each other in bed or the boys having a right giggle about utterly daft stuff which is amusing

EmpressaurusKitty · 20/01/2025 06:42

LeonPatsy · 19/01/2025 23:54

I can see you’re getting all the validation you need on this thread, but to have dc sharing in a four bedroom house, when you’ve only got two kids, seems very unfair on the dc to me. Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert, but I really don’t think my sister and I would have the relationship we do today if we’d been forced to share a room growing up rather than having our own private place to retreat to.

Snap, I spent hours in my room reading & playing as a child. If I’d had to share with my younger sister I’d have left home as soon as I could & I don’t think our relationship would have ever recovered. As it is we’re now really close.

It sounds as if the OP can try it out & separate the dc if they don’t like it, though.

ElsaSnow · 20/01/2025 06:58

Mine shared out of choice at that age - 2.5 year age gap and they both slept better with company. It wasn't until Covid when they were 11&8 that we decided to redecorate and give them their own rooms again so they weren't on top of each other all the time and the oldest was going to be starting secondary school so it felt the right time.

I think if they are happy with the arrangement and there is the option to separate in the future then it's fine hopefully they'll have a close bond. Years ago it was a given siblings shared!

dappledeverglade · 20/01/2025 06:59

My dc still share now and are much older - they are very close due to bonding over evening chats, morning songs and being together. They have always had their own rooms though, as it’s nice to have space when needed for quiet time, on their own. It might create conflict if they don’t have room to be by themselves at least some of the time. I also think independent sleeping is important, if you are able to. Not everyone has the choice.

Butterbean21 · 20/01/2025 07:07

My DS share a room at 8 and 5. There's a multitude of beds in there and they often choose to share a bed. There's a spare room and an office that they could have whenever they want but at the minute they love to share. They really only sleep up there to be honest, we have a few rooms down stairs thst they separate out to if they need some space.
For sleeping I just stagger by half an hour, the youngest is sleeping by the time the eldest goes up and he reads while youngest is falling asleep.

Never had an issues with fighting, they occasionally bicker if one is tired but it's easily rectified with a bit of a chill out.

I think its a bit course to call it selfish for kids to share if space is available, just because a family works differently to yours doesn't mean yours is the perfect solution.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 20/01/2025 07:20

The sharing a bedroom is fine, however I think sharing the bedroom so you have a spare room office is ridiculous!! Can you not share the office you have now or take in turns going to a working space

CasperGutman · 20/01/2025 07:25

I shared a room with my brother until we were secondary school age. There were three spare bedrooms in the house, so it wasn't out of necessity. We loved the companionship.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/01/2025 07:48

Biased as I loved sharing a bedroom with my sister.

Why is it always you WFH at the dining room table rather than it/office being a shared work location? Doesn't seem right tbh.

Tohaveandtohold · 20/01/2025 09:01

Can’t you share the office. Like you can get a builder in to creatively build a stud wall to divide the room into 2.
We have a 4 bed and a small study and 3 children and they each have their own rooms because there’s quite a big age gap between them. if they were closer in age, the same sex ones could have shared.
I have the study as it’s a small space and DH has a work space in our bedroom. It’s a small space but workable. I don’t need to go in the room most times during the day and he's at the other end but it’s private enough for him to work from, it’s like an office nook, better then the dining table. If you have a room big enough, then you can do that too.

HoraceCope · 20/01/2025 09:01

i dont see why you can't

nellly · 20/01/2025 09:03

Sistem · 19/01/2025 22:14

I think a better relationship stems from having your own space? Did you share as a child?

I think this is true when older from sort of tween age but when they're small the opposite. As little kids we loved sharing

Runnersandtoms · 20/01/2025 09:09

It's a bit weird if they have their own rooms now and then have to share. Whichever one moves will be effectively moving into the other one's room. Completely different scenario to kids who have always shared so the room has always been theirs jointly. My kids liked the odd sleepover in each other's room but if we had asked one to give up their room and move into their siblings room they would have been quite put out, even though they get on well.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/01/2025 09:26

There's no issue with them sharing op, and depending on whose room it is they move into, I'd just look to adjust the decor slightly to suit both.
I know my 9 yo would love to share with his younger brothers if he could, the room just isn't big enough for three

noctilucentcloud · 20/01/2025 09:28

Would the 5 year old be ok or do they need space from their toddler sibling who is likely to be into everything? I'd also worry about different bed times. It's also going to be a problem that resurfaces in maybe two-three years time when they want separate spaces again.

Could you and your husband share the office, or put a desk in your bedroom, or put a desk in a cupboard in the dining room (so it's always there buy can be shut away)?

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 20/01/2025 09:30

If there wasn't enough space you'd have to make do, but I think it's a bit much to expect two children and their belongings to share a room so you can have a home office each.

berksandbeyond · 20/01/2025 09:31

Plumedenom · 19/01/2025 22:24

We have an extra playroom and still my kids choose to share, boy and girl aged 8 and 13. They like the company, bunk beds and they find the other person comforting.

Well with one child 13, that's really not going to be appropriate for much longer

Seeline · 20/01/2025 09:34

I think that's too big an age gap to start sharing now!

Surely the little one naps during the day so the older one will be excluded from their room at that time?
And they must have different bedtimes etc which makes it difficult - the older one will have their bedtime routine dictated by not waking the younger one. No bed time reading etc.
The older one won't be able to have their toys and things out because the younger one might break/damage them.
The gap between an almost 3yo and a 6yo is even bigger - is it really worth the bother?

Mareleine · 20/01/2025 09:34

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 20/01/2025 09:30

If there wasn't enough space you'd have to make do, but I think it's a bit much to expect two children and their belongings to share a room so you can have a home office each.

This. My DM did this. DSis and I never recovered a good relationship because we were forced together. All because my mum wanted an "office" when she didn't even have a business, she was a care assistant.

SpanThatWorld · 20/01/2025 09:35

My elder 2 shared happily until they were about 5 and 8.
Their relationship changed and became very combustible and being able to move them into their own rooms was such a relief.
Almost 20 years later they still struggle being in the same space. Siblings don't always grow up to be friends.

DinosaurMunch · 20/01/2025 09:39

Sharing would be fine for now at least as long as the kids like the idea. Mine share and the spare room is an office as well as a storage room. It's a tiny box room (not big enough for a single bed) and the kids share the biggest room so this makes sense. In a couple of years mine will need separate rooms as opposite sex but I will hopefully have moved house to somewhere with bigger bedrooms. I then plan to have the biggest room myself and put a desk in my own bedroom. There's only me though so that's easier than if it was a shared bedroom.

Member984815 · 20/01/2025 09:43

I'd always prioritise my child's own space over guests .

BuntyBeaufort · 20/01/2025 09:44

Dsis and I always shared a room, until I left home at 18, but that wasn't through choice, just lack of space. We both found it comforting to be together.
My dc started off in separate rooms, but when we moved house they decided they wanted to share. So from the ages of 2 & 4 until the eldest reached about 11 that's what they did. The choice was entirely theirs, but as soon one of them wanted their own space they got it.
We never had any fighting or arguments, and again I think they benefitted from the feeling of security having someone else there.
They still have a very close relationship in their 30s despite being chalk and cheese.