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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put my children into the same bedroom even though we have space for them to have separate rooms?

102 replies

PDA · 19/01/2025 22:13

Same sex children, aged almost 2 and 5. They’re currently in separate rooms. Both good sleepers only waking at night if unwell. It would be great to have a room back for guests/office space (we both WFH and currently have 1 office so I work at the dining table, which is fine but not ideal).

Thoughts on pros and cons of room sharing for young children?

OP posts:
purpleblue2 · 19/01/2025 23:55

I just couldn’t imagine forcing my children to share space when I had the
means and ways to give them their own space. It’s incredibly selfish

LeonPatsy · 19/01/2025 23:56

What about one of those foldaway desks that you can hang on a wall? Could you put one of those in one of the kid’s rooms, and then work there when they’re at school?

SnowyintheATL · 19/01/2025 23:59

I would’ve hated sharing a room. On the other hand my sister and my DD would’ve loved it. Just think it depends on the personality of the kid

TeenLifeMum · 20/01/2025 00:00

Mine have their own rooms but spend most weekends having “sleepovers”. Do what works for you. At 2 and 5 a bedroom tends to be for sleep only. My dd1 wanted to share with dtds when she was 5 and they were 3 (I think she felt left out) so we made her bedroom a den with a sofa bed so we had options. After about 10 months dd1 wanted her own space then when dtds were 6 we moved and they all got their own bedrooms. Dtd have very different sleep needs but, like I say, they really like sharing still but I limit it to weekends and holidays.

Kiwi09 · 20/01/2025 00:01

My three shared a room until the oldest was 8 and youngest was 4. They didn’t mind. It meant all the toys were stored in one place too!

TeenLifeMum · 20/01/2025 00:03

purpleblue2 · 19/01/2025 23:55

I just couldn’t imagine forcing my children to share space when I had the
means and ways to give them their own space. It’s incredibly selfish

Most I know love it and that’s fine. If you have space then you have options and can flex to the dc needs, try out different arrangements and alter as they grow. Dtd1 has bunkbeds so dtd2 or dd1 can share and dtd2 has a second single bed. At 13 they sill share most weekends and often dd1 is persuaded to join them at almost 17. They love the choice. Op can test it and see. It’s not selfish, don’t be ridiculous. If op said “my dc hate sharing but I’m making them anyway” that would be different.

Soonenough · 20/01/2025 00:06

I always shared a room with my sister until I moved out . But we didn't really hang out as much in our rooms those days until we were older. It was handy to have someone to bring you paracetamol when you were hungover and didn't want to let on to your mother .
My DS had bunk beds and most weekends my DD went in there for sleepovers ..

Leavesandacorns · 20/01/2025 00:06

Mine will share until they ask for their own space. People have shared their sleeping spaces for most of human history, I think it's comforting for most children to share a room.

BettyBardMacDonald · 20/01/2025 00:08

Of course; children sharing a room is completely normal and arguably better for their character.

Goodbyevoice · 20/01/2025 00:10

I'd worry about it messing up their sleep when they are both good sleepers at the moment.

beadystar · 20/01/2025 00:16

Shared with sister (2 year gap) when there were two extra rooms. One office, one spare, both barely used. Dsis and I were very different and I didn't like sharing at all, but nor did it damage me. Got my own room around 11. Own rooms are important around puberty; the gap between ages 10 and 12 can be huge. This young won't matter too much for your DC but if they're settled I'd let them be.

Delphiniumandlupins · 20/01/2025 00:43

How much time will the children actually spend in their bedrooms though, particularly the 2 year old? Both parents are WFH so their offices will be used during the day. If OP is working at the dining table that sends a message her work is less important than other activities which gave a dedicated space.

TotHappy · 20/01/2025 00:57

Goodness, I think it's ridiculous to call it selfish!
My almost 2 and almost 5 year o ld share, OP. Its definitely better for them but both were co-sleepers with us before they moved to a cot. I don't really think any little mammals want to be alone at night.

Rtmhwales · 20/01/2025 01:01

We have 5 bedrooms and 3 boys (6, 8 and 11). Until about 3 months ago the 8 & 11 year old chose to share. Now the eldest has his own room but the 6 and 8 year old wanted to share. Since we moved into this house one room has sat literally empty, devoid of furniture and the other is a barely used guest room. We reevaluate often but they preferred to share, especially when younger.

MyMyMySharona · 20/01/2025 01:13

I really believe that every family can have whatever set up suits them all, if there is a choice to be had.

What works for you and your children, is always the best plan.

Talk to them, and if you're genuinely happy for them to have that choice, and it results in no alternative for the other room, then that's what will happen, coz you'll have asked them their preference.

If however you need them to share, then it's up to you as the parent to arrange it that way, but bear in mind that as they get older, the sharing may become a problem, but equally may not.

Have a family discussion, and maybe suggest a "trial period" of the two of them sharing, so then if it really does work out to be untenable, they can go back to sleeping separately.

Good luck

LittleRedYarny · 20/01/2025 01:17

How much faffing about would it be to give it a go and see what happens? You could always switch back if it causes chaos! If you don’t try, you’ll never know…

Ffontaine · 20/01/2025 01:18

We have a boy 5 and a girl 3 who sleep in the same room. We have no problems whatsoever.

LondonLawyer · 20/01/2025 01:21

I don't think there's any absolute right answer. My parents moved when I was 5 and my sister was 3, into a 5 bedroom house. Sister and I shared a room there, and I didn't feel undervalued, unloved, or abandoned! Our younger brother and sister, born after we moved, shared until they were about 9 and 8, from memory.

RickiRaccoon · 20/01/2025 01:22

I'm not sure in your situation where they haven't shared and now the older one is school age. I would've done it a year ago (not helpful now, sorry!) but I'd gauge the interest from the older one and decide.

We have 4 bedrooms. My two have shared since the younger one was 8m purely for the bonding experience. They're now 4y (boy) and 2.5y (girl). I imagine they'll share until the older one is maybe 6-7y (if they were same sex, I would've done till 10-11y). We have an office that will become the younger one's one room. The guest room will then double as the office (with a desk in our bedroom for when guests are using that room).

ACynicalDad · 20/01/2025 01:23

If they were together then about now is when I'd be looking to split them. Although getting two ready in the morning in the same room was a lot easier if eldest isn't yet ready. I think ours were spit at 7&5.

Mandylovescandy · 20/01/2025 01:23

Mine shared from about that age until eldest was 9 when they started to bickering loads and really benefited from own space. When younger bedtime aligned more whereas it got to point eldest needed a later bedtime. I think sharing makes bedtime easier and I think young DC can really enjoy it

Ohthatsabitshit · 20/01/2025 01:32

I think sharing till puberty is ideal.

JandamiHash · 20/01/2025 02:50

It’s fine now but I’d do this for 3 years tops. Children yearn for independence and their own space round about 8 and they deserve it too.

I know someone whose 11 and 9yo share even though they have a 3rd room (the parents have a room each) and they absolutely cannot stand each other, lots of physical fighting, but they have absolutely no space from each other. It’s hard to imagine that stage when they’re 2 but it will come.

TheDeadAndDying · 20/01/2025 06:04

I had to share with my sister (2 yrs younger) until I left home at 20.
We had an extra bedroom that was completely unused, never any guests, no need for an office etc.
We begged our parents for our own room for years, they just didn't see the point even though me and my sister were fighting constantly.
I am NC now with my parents for other reasons but looking back they have always been oddballs! I would say if your children are happy sharing let them but the moment they are unhappy let them have their own space.

BananaNirvana · 20/01/2025 06:09

LeonPatsy · 19/01/2025 23:51

So out of 4 bedrooms, you and your DH will have use of 3, while your children have to share one room between them? That’s sending them quite a clear message about your priorities, I’m afraid.

Edited

That’s a very weird take! They won’t think anything of it at all. Most kids love to share - especially primary age. Mine shared until they were 11 & 10.