How much input do you have in your partners wardrobe/appearance

[User09678]

AIBU to wonder how much input you have in how your partner dresses and presents themselves?

Do you have none at all? Down to not even expressing preferences (yes/no stubble, nice shirt, where are those shoes?) do you compliment what you like, ignore what you don't. Do you even notice? Like if they totally let themselves go at what point would you say something or they maybe went in some weird direction...

Or are you quite active in encouraging them to wear what they like, assuming they do too. Are they quite happy to accept suggestions, do you buy them clothes, do you buy ALL their clothes?!

And vice versa I suppose!

Interesting question for me as this is the reason a past relationship ended. I never used to dictate what my ex wore but he really did have style. A lot of designer labels and well fitting clothes. Can't deny it!

Me on the other hand...not so much😅

One day we were going for a Sunday lunch at a bog standard chain. He actually looked me up and down and said 'Your not wearing THAT are you?????' (I was sporting what I thought was a nice outfit of jeans/jumper/jacket/...even heels)

'No darling I will go and change now' was my response.

I headbutted my make up bag so i looked like coco the clown. I cut up a crate box of Stella to wear on my head. I wrapped black bin bags tight around all my body so I looked one ball-gag away from being a gimp. Chucked a high vi's vest in just incase I wasn't standing out enough for good measure. Jumped in the car and I'd pay good money to see his face like that again.

(And yes...we did go for a nice Sunday roast. And I explained politely to everyone who gave me a funny look that he tried to dictate what I wear)

He was an arshole in other ways but that really grated on me!

No input as such, but we're both vocal with compliments such as "that jumper looks really nice on you."

He might also say "that's a nice dress, I prefer that to your blue one." I've been known to tell him I can't stand his grey trousers and he's mentioned a few times I have a pair of boots that remind him of Peter Pan's shoes. He still wears them and I'd still wear my boots. It's just casual conversation in our house.

Day to day no influence really but he’ll often ask my opinion if he’s choosing something new and I’ll ask his, and we sometimes buy each other clothes for birthdays/Christmas.

I love how he dresses though and always compliment him just like I’d compliment a friend in a nice outfit, he does the same.

Hair I suppose you could say we have some influence over each other in that if he’s thinking of changing something he’ll ask my thoughts and if I’m thinking of a big hair change I’ll ask his thoughts, just for a second opinion really from the person who looks at it the most other than them.

Tattoos neither of us have any currently but neither have strong feelings about them, neither of us would randomly come home with a forehead tattoo though so not really an issue we’ve faced

I headbutted my make up bag so i looked like coco the clown. I cut up a crate box of Stella to wear on my head. I wrapped black bin bags tight around all my body so I looked one ball-gag away from being a gimp. Chucked a high vi's vest in just incase I wasn't standing out enough for good measure. Jumped in the car and I'd pay good money to see his face like that again.

(And yes...we did go for a nice Sunday roast. And I explained politely to everyone who gave me a funny look that he tried to dictate what I wear)

Really.

We normally shop for him together including online - most of the time he wouldn't buy without my input or advice. Not because I force him to but he thinks I have a better sense of style and understanding of quality/materials (which is probably true, we just come from different backgrounds). I think most of his go to brands have been recommended by me - we've been together a long time.

@SwanRivers Yes. Really. A crate of Stella and bin bags were all I really had in the house to make my point of not being dictated on what to wear.

Saying that....I also own a gigantic inflatable t-rex costume but I don't think I would of fitted in the car wearing it and may have caused issues eating my roast😊

Atleast I've kept the semblance of a sense of humour what with him being the abusive arshole he was I suppose.

And I havnt actually kept the outfit to wear on special occasions.

Yes, I "improved" his style early on and he was happy about it. He always asks me if I like something before he buys it or asks me if I think it would look good/go with his other stuff.

I encourage him to wear different colours and he does but if he hates something I suggest, he will flat out say no I don't like it.

If I'm looking at stuff online I'll often ask him if he likes it. He's never not liked anything I've bought, well he hasn't said so anyway 😆
Sometimes I ask him if there's something I don't normally wear that he thinks would look good on me...amd I've bought stuff from that which did end up looking good on me.

His mother got him a coat once that I absolutely HATED. I begged him not to wear it out with me, I couldn't stand looking at him in it.. 😆 We laughed all the time about it and he never wore it out with me.

No input unless asked but do have a moan if he comes out of the house with me in doggy bottoms or bloody crocs.

None really. If dh buys a new jacket or something he will ask me what I think of it and I suppose if I hated it he would probably return it but that has never actually happened.

Since I've met DH he's had long hair, been bald, had a beard, had a tash, been clean shaven, been fatter, been very lean, been muscly, has gotten tattoos and piercings, let the piercings close up. He's gone through phases of loving muted tone and bright colours, silly t-shirts to plain ones, shorts no matter the weather to joggers...basically his 'look' always changes, but he's the same, and it's him who I love.

Why would someone's preference or opinion equate to "controlling" another?

None. What he wears he obviously feels good in so it's not for me to weigh in with an opinion unless he asked me for it. But I WISH he'd ask for my opinion on that godawful flying jacket he insists on wearing!

None in terms of clothes though we might ask each other’s opinion if we happen to be out shopping together.

Facial hair gives me the ick so he generally shaves, though he has sensitive skin and only does it once every few days, with a bit of stubble in between, and that doesn’t give me the ick.

Obviously if he ever wanted to grow a beard, I wouldn’t dream of stopping him, but I wouldn’t be able to kiss him etc.

None, I don’t think it’s right to control what others wear. We’ll ask each other if something we’ve bought is nice/worth keeping. One of his friends has a wife that loves to try and portray the image of a perfect family and tries to control what he wears, it’s equal parts hilarious and ridiculous. There’s also a school mum that dresses her two boys and their dad in the same outfits and it’s cringeworthy but also funny.

@SwanRivers Shopping on line is still clothes shopping. He hates clothes shopping.

Some as dh is colour blind so asks about colour. Plus if something isn't fitting properly we would say,shirts too tight etc. We ask each others opinion though. It's not on to give criticism if you haven't asked.

ive probably bought 99% of his wardrobe but that’s because I love shopping and he dosnt.

I was shocked before Christmas he’d taken the dcs to the shops and bought himself some clothes. He’s done this occasionally through the years but almost from the beginning I bought his clothes. Our 2nd date was shopping for a new wardrobe for his new job, he bought everything I suggested and it went from there.

Hair, I mentioned he needed a haircut, the next days he’s shaved it off and now has a slight stubble. He has adhd and needs prompting sometimes, but I think this weeks cut just coincided with him going away for work in a couple of weeks, hair and beard will be at a length he likes.

DH dosnt like his receding hairline or what he thinks is an obvious bald patch which is why he shaves it. I don’t think either are as obvious as he thinks and like him with hair but he dose what he feels comfortable with.

I love aftershaves but DH dosnt, he dosnt wear any smelly deodorant, I’d love him to wear them but his choice. I did buy him an aftershave once and he didn’t bother opening it so I didn’t again.

his recent purchases are very much his old style of clothing from before we were together, think 90s student, he’s struggling mentally at the moment and I think his purchases were a comfort thing, I’m not going to say don’t wear them though.

Usually get him socks & jocks at Christmas. Didn’t this year.
He got a Christmas jumper from DS. A nice jacket from me.

If I see something good in M&S Sale, I’ll get it for him.
I’ll gift him sheepskin slippers, leather gloves, a wool scarf.

He buys nice quality clothes, likes Levi’s, Dr Martens etc…
He’d get me a watch, scarf, that sort of thing, as a gift.

Of course I notice!! And compliment.

But they can of course be their own person, there have been dodgy longish hair and moustache stages, and you just let them get on with it.

But if they are wearing something I particularly love or they look very good, I always mention it - same as I would for a friend. I wouldn't critisise unless it's inappropriate, e.g. holes or pet fluff on job interview clothing.

My ex really hated smart clothes so I helped him out in that department, helping him dress for suit occassions and buying the odd smart shirt/ pointing him to fashionable shops. He still shops in those now if he needs that type of clothing.

Current man works in fashion and his dress sense attracted me to him, so defo not my place to advise, just tell him 'you look very good today' makes a difference though. He slightly takes offence, going 'are you implying it's not usual for me to be well put together', as a joke of course. We do praise each others' style and it's nice.

I have some input into DH's wardrobe, but it's quite subtle. He has quite fixed ideas about what to wear, and usually frequents the same shops. I'm currently trying to get him out of very slim jeans ( he's not very slim, and never has been!) and into a slightly more current and flattering shape, or even 'not jeans'.
So he got some cords in a jeans cut for Christmas, and his usual winter style shirt ( lumberjack tartan style) , but in colours I prefer on him.
In summer he has a penchant for pale loose shirts that look terrible with a beer gut , so I try to push him towards darker linen shirts that suit his complexion better ( he looks fab in dark colours, and wishy washy in pale ones). I have been known to put the shirts I don't like to the bottom of the (vast) ironing basket, knowing he'll never get that deep down, but I would tell him him where they were if he asked, and I wouldn't go as far as throwing them out, which I feel would massively overstep a boundary. I have known people do that, though.
So I do buy him clothes, but usually from his his preferred suppliers in the styles I know he likes, I'll just sometimes try to get him to up his game marginally.
I don't like him him wearing his smelly old work anorak when we're out anywhere other than on a walk where he needs a waterproof, but he doesn't always take any notice of that!

Very little. He likes clothes and likes to look good... But he has recently discovered Temu and has bought some awful things! I compliment him when he looks good and if we are doing something which requires a certain type of clothing then I might make some suggestions, but that's about it.

Zero

I give my opinion on something if asked, I buy the odd thing for him but otherwise none. He's an adult and I'd hate to be told what I can or can't wear.

None, just as he doesn't have any in mine.

Sometimes he'll ask about outdoor clothing but only because I used to work in that sector.

Close to none! I'll tell him if his hair looks too fluffy or if he's got a rip in his jeans or something, but that's it.

He doesn't really comment on my appearance either. I have to facetime my sister for that or ask my 10yo dd for an opinion if I want one other than my own.

Editing to fix stupid autocorrect related typo.