How much input do you have in your partners wardrobe/appearance

[User09678]

AIBU to wonder how much input you have in how your partner dresses and presents themselves?

Do you have none at all? Down to not even expressing preferences (yes/no stubble, nice shirt, where are those shoes?) do you compliment what you like, ignore what you don't. Do you even notice? Like if they totally let themselves go at what point would you say something or they maybe went in some weird direction...

Or are you quite active in encouraging them to wear what they like, assuming they do too. Are they quite happy to accept suggestions, do you buy them clothes, do you buy ALL their clothes?!

And vice versa I suppose!

I have no input as such. I'll never say he looks bad or he shouldn't wear x y z. I do buy him clothes for Xmas/ birthday sometimes like a nice top or jacket but he's also fussy so it's always with a receipt if he doesn't like it. He knows I prefer body hair, he hates it so he grows it every now and again because he knows I like it but I've never said I don't like the way he looks when he has none if you know what I mean. I know he likes longer hair but he doesn't make me feel any less for having it short etc. It's his body he can do what he likes. I would hope he feels the same about me which so far I've no evidence to the contrary.

Because you don't have to and like what they wear anyway? Or because you wouldn't bat an eyelid if they stepped out in a mankini or a gravy stained t-shirt

My DH of 20+ years has zero interest in fashion so only replaces clothes when totally worn out and even then he refuses to go to actual shops to get new stuff so relies on eBay/Vinted and Xmas gifts

I try not to interfere but have to occasionally when everything is very scruffy and falling apart

He is very fit and active so his body is good shape thankfully but his hygiene could definitely be better

I take more care with my appearance so occasionally we must look like an 'odd couple' when I have made a great effort for a night out and he looks his usual scruffy self!

We don't generally comment on each other's style choices tbh. I dress to please myself and not DH or anyone else

Excluding mental health / hygiene issues (which I take the OP is not about), the term "letting yourself go" implies that people should give a shit what others think about them.. That there is some sort of minimum standard to maintain.

I think that's bollocks.

Nobody else's business if my jumper has a hole in it, if my jeans are faded or my hair hasn't been brushed recently.

Literally couldn't give a shit and anyone implying that I should would get short shift.

I buy most of DH's clothes whenever I see something nice in the charity shop. Otherwise he lives in his 20 year old tshirts with frayed collars which he refuses to throw out.

He sorts out his own pants and socks.

He is grateful to me as he hates clothes shopping.

But surely he can shop online?

Loads because otherwise he'd walk around looking like stig of the dump.

DH has zero interest in fashion, and wears nice enough but ancient and conventional clothes. However they are clean. There are some terribly scruffy tshirts he uses for WFH which I try to ignore.

He doesnt care what I wear either. I dont like to tell others what to wear.

And that's your right.

You asked what it meant so I explained 👍

Your spicy responses to the idea that no one is allowed to use that term in a hypothetical situation about their own partner suggests your own insecurity is unmanageable. Fine if you don't give a shit but others are allowed to :)

DH will sometimes consult me on outfits and whether something works - I don't think I've ever given a thumbs down without him asking me first (usually it's about whether he's wearing the right coat, footwear or hat with an outfit). He takes some interest in what he wears and I would say dresses slightly more interestingly than you average bloke, but nothing very unusual on a normal day

I complement him when he looks good. He'll tell me when he thinks I look especially nice, I don't think he's ever criticised anything I wear.

I'm afraid I buy all DH's clothes and have done for over 40 years. He just picks out whatever is nearest in the wardrobe or drawer. If we were going out out he might ask if his chosen outfit was suitable.
He wouldn't notice anything I wore.

Spicy?! No. I'm allowed to find it amusing that other people judge and control others' appearance in this way, yes. No insecurity here 👍

DH hates buying himself anything. Just after Christmas I set him a budget (£400) to replace some clothes had to send to the clothing bank, noticable tears and stains from his job on a lot of T-shirts/hoodies.
I didn’t decide where from, but I did have to sit him down and sort of bribe him into it. I’ve encouraged him to buy things as he see’s fit and not wait until I want to chuck everything out lol.

I buy most of my DHs clothes mainly as Christmas / birthdays presents and stuff through the year if I think it would suit him.

in fact I’m looking at him now and pretty much everything he is wearing I thought him including his watch 😂 and probably his boxers & socks

I know what looks good on him and he’s not that bothered and I love shopping and buying clothes

he often gets complimented on his clothes so I’m doing something right

he will buy shirts / trousers & shoes more formal stuff
But I mainly buy him jeans t shirts trainers

I wouldn’t trust him to buy me stuff

it’s his birthday soon and I’ve bought him a pair of timberland boots that I know he likes and 2 pairs of jeans and several t- shirts
oh and a grinder ( he wants one as his old one broke )

Sometimes I ask my DH what he thinks of my outfit or something I’m thinking of buying as he has great taste and seems to know what will suit me.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having an opinion on what your OH wears.

I will also tell him if something looks off. He has a penchant for shoes that make me think of old men in the bookies circa 1980s. I’m not so gently trying to persuade him to update them.

@User09678 Are you going to tell us what you and your partner do?

I don't know what you mean!

Zero input. Hair, facial hair, clothes, tattoos - I just don't get involved in any of that.

I'll tell him he looks good if I can see it's a situation where he's worrying about it, but his appearance honestly has no impact on me or my life at all (which is lucky I suppose, because we both look pretty different from how we did 20 years/3 stone ago!)

Some.

It's pretty easy though. Very simple formula.

He wears a uniform for work.

Casual stuff is M&S/uniqlo undies/socks/T-shirts, everything else looks like he's stumbled through a branch of fat face.

He has one suit for special occasions.

That's it. So occasionally I buy him more of the same if he needs it.

Mine cares so little about what he wears that he will literally pick up the first thing he can lay his hands on. It's a struggle to get him to wear clean clothes without holes in, which I do feel is a bit of a minimum standard. So yes, I do buy all of his clothes ‐ so that he has some. The upside is he has clothes that fit in colours that he looks great in now.

Ok changing my answer to some as I draw the line at tattoos or long greasy hair, but luckily he too hates those.

A lot. I once made a thread about a pair of shoes DH liked and I was told to LTB because people were so horrified at his choice of shoes.

DH likes what I pick up for him and likes how he dresses and admits his jumbo cords or shirt with balloon sleeves (think three musketeers or a medieval sailor's shirt) were bad choices on his part.

Quite a lot. I don’t think he’d buy new clothes these days without my approval, and he usually asks me what I’d like him to wear when we go out.

We often go shopping together and DH will choose his own clothes, he might ask me if I like something and I would do the same.
I sometimes buy him tea shirts for Christmas or birthday but the type I know he likes.
I have occasionally commented if I think he is wearing the wrong thing for an occasion such as a funeral not long ago.
And I also comment if he is wearing colours that don't go, as do the DC.
I would expect DH to tell me if I was wearing something that looked wrong too.