Ways to address smelly husband or AIBU

[Painauraison]

Are most men smelly and don't take care of their hygiene needs??

I need ways to address this because what I have tried doesn't work! Or is this me?

I feel like my husband smells 🤣
My main issue is that he doesn't floss unless I moan at him to do it and I feel like his breath smells very badly, I can smell it when he's sitting next to me. He doesn't want to go to the dentist either.

I go downstairs quite early in the morning and when I come back up to get ready I can't cope with the smell of the bedroom - farts, sweat and bad breath. I asked him to shower at night but he won't. So I open the window wide but then he complains it's cold. He doesn't take much care with his appearance at all, which I fond lazy considering the amount women do.

The conversation usually goes with me trying to address it nicely, him denying it and causing a row. I'm at a loss of what to do! I may be getting the ick...

Woah! Off that high horse I can see you are very defensive of your 'friend's man indeed. Perhaps he should enjoy having his nails done following a session at the local tanning salon? Not sure how easy it would be handling weapons at this point. Still, at least he can be a 'pretty' soldier. By the way, your language isn't an attractive look for a lady. Just saying 😂

Your outdated ideas aren’t an attractive look but there we are.

Just wondering how old you are OP? only I'm 49 and VERY perimenopausal and my sense of smell has improved lately which is weird. I also feel nauseous on occasion due to hormonal changes (even with HRT) so certain smells can really affect me. I'm also more sensitive to people chewing loudly/mouth open etc. yuck. My DH definitely gets on my nerves more than normal but I think a lot of it is a me problem. As I find most people pretty annoying atm lol 😆 So unless your DH has a hormonal imbalance that means he's sweating more than normal (is he very overweight or poorly etc? ) then he shouldn't smell sweaty. But I wouldn't want my DH insisting I shower before bed (I do anyway) as that's a bit controlling. My DH farts a lot too and burps loudly and drinks loads of beer at the weekends so his breath in the night is rank. So I do feel for you OP. My middle aged DH could also make more effort in his appearance. But he wfh so doesn't really need to 🤷‍♀️

You don't need to be perimenopausal to be knocked sick by someone with negligable oral hygiene who goes several days without a shower.

This isn't a hormone issue. It's a lazy disrespectful slob issue.

@DangerousAlchemy - omg you read my mind. Peri here and super sensitive to smells, chewing and other annoying personal habits that never bothered me before. Definitely a thing! My DH isn't happy to have my feedback - esp when chewing 😆

Are we with the same man? Mine is the same and then blames me and the kids for his lack of hygiene while I'm running around doing everything and he's been sat on the sofa for hours leaving greasy head marks on the wall (the same wall I stripped, sanded, filled and painted alone) when he could have been showering and gets annoyed with me getting the ick. Definitely got worse with age. I think more men are like than than others realise.

DH sometimes gets like this when he is feeling low.

I can only gently nudge him by telling him, and buying him some nice products, and praising him and cuddling him when he is nice and clean. Reminding him that dental plaque causes heart disease helps too.

Greasy head is par for the course though. DH does usually shower frequently and could still rot a pillow without pillow shams.

My dad was like this and grandad, who were always very clean. Sweaty head

Ok just for context here , I will explain my husbands routine for you and we’ve been married 20 years been together 24 years and have 2 kids (now 19 and 15 ) he works a demanding physical job some days he comes home black and he’s still don’t smell , he has a bath every night , when he gets up in the morning he gets up 30 minutes before our 15 year old because they both need to be up at the same time and need the bathroom , he washes every single morning , he brushes his teeth twice a day , he wears deodorant and body spray and aftershave and has several spare cans in his work van (he hates smelling) if he’s having a heavy sweat day and I say you’re a bit stinky he goes straight upstairs and washes or brushes his teeth and always said thanks for telling him as he hates to smell , in the summer we both use a roll on and spray deodorant . I think what you’re dealing with is pure laziness leaving everything to the last minute selfishly taking up the bathroom when all the kids need it , he needs his arse handed to him . I have never ever asked my husband to be clean or make way for the bathroom because I’m not his mum and basically you having to remind him to wash it’s like being his mum . Also our bedroom is always a bit stinky in the morning so are the girls rooms every one opens a window and sprays with room spray , but if he isn’t washing good luck getting the sweet smell out.

There’s one thing not being vein or caring about appearances and there’s another thing being down right unhygienic.

If he’s not looking after his teeth to the point you can smell him, he needs a dentist appointment asap. I wouldn’t even want to dream of kissing him knowing what he was harbouring in his mouth.

It sounds like the hygiene is just one of many issues here and you seem to have a lazy partner who is avoiding any parental responsibilities.

I think a serious conversation is in order and you need to weigh up if your life would be easier not having this extra man child around.

Tell him! If my DH pongs I say ‘bloody hell, you stink.’ But he showers every morning, cleans teeth.

Say ‘I’m opening the window because you fucking smell. It’s revolting. Shower every morning like all us other humans!

He could be a mouth breather and have tonsil stones lodged in his tonsils as a result.

This is why married couples should have separate bedrooms.

@NavyTurtle This is why women shouldn't be married to men who can't find the soap or the toothbrush.

If you're seeking seperate bedrooms from your spouse because of their lack of hygeine then that's a fairly depressing place to be, surely?

Sorry op, your husband sounds awful.

• He goes for days without showering (please don’t say he expects you to have sex with him when he hasn’t washed his privates for days).
• You can smell his bad breath just sitting next to him. That means a lot of people smell his bad breath. But he denies he has an issue? And refuses to go to the dentist.
• He doesn’t listen to you. He gets angry when you try to talk to him. He keeps interrupting you. He literally said he doesn’t care if you have an infection. what the fuck??? Please say it’s not a urinary infection from having sex with mr. not-washed-for -a-couple-of-days.
• He’s not working 16 hours a day. He’s avoiding being a father. Just like he avoids being a dad in the morning by letting you do everything and hogging the bathroom when the kids need it.

basically, he lacks all respect for you and the children. He’s selfish, has zero empathy. He doesn’t pull his weight in the family. He gets angry and can’t communicate like a normal person.
The lack of respect would really annoy me most.
A good husband respects his wife.
And no, not all men smell. Surely you know enough men to know most have good oral hygiene, smell nice and look after themself?

I would be very blunt. I wouldn’t care if he gets angry. Just tell him it’s the final straw. He stinks and it’s very off putting. You cannot live with someone who doesn’t care about his hygiene, who doesn’t listen to you and who keeps putting his own needs above those of the kids. He needs to get his act together, display some normal hygiene, get up on time and stop interfering with the kid’s hygiene needs or he can move out till he is able to change his ways.

He's lazy and that extends to what he does housework wise and hygiene wise. My partner is lazy. I used to think how can he not see what needs to be done. Now I tell him exactly what to do and when to do it. It's truly pathetic, I'm not his mum and he isn't 15 but at least he actually does stuff. And when I say lazy I mean bone idle. Except with work. That's always prioritised.

I think you have bigger problems than just his lack of personal care. I'd be out

Refusing to obtain help for his periodontal disease (you can smell it a mile off) is his choice.

As long as he's aware he'll end up on his own in a stink pit, with no teeth, let him crack on...

You can't change him OP. You can choose whether you stay with such a lazy, rude, smelly man.

Ask him if he would rather you tell him that he stinks or his workmates? He might give that some thought.

I disagree, if plaque and discarded food is allowed to build up between teeth it can become quite foul. Try sniffing a piece of floss after not using any for a few days…

@StormingNorman leave some mouthwash in the bathroom? This is a man that goes several days without a wash, what makes you think that a bottle of mouthwash politely left on the side will suddenly spark some self awareness?

As for sleeping with the bedroom window open, if he would commit to a basic level of personal hygeine that wouldn't be necessary? No amount of open windows is going to stop him smelling dirty, because he is dirty, and I wouldn't want to be next to him on a bus or downwind of him in the supermarket, never mind in the same house.

@Painauraison

do you have sex with him OP?
he sounds gross

@Painauraison

OP, is your DH's birthday near? Even if it isn't I would buy him a toiletry bag full of shower gel, toothpaste etc. Just tell him kindly but firmly that he smells and needs to wash more often, and to look after his teeth as his lack of care affects his breath.
You mentioned you have told him and it leads to a row, but you need to stand firm on this one, you live together and it really isn't fair on you.

Ear hair maybe

It's gone beyond the point of kindness though hasn't it. It's downright offensive for him to give so little care to how his stench and neglect of both himself and his housework affects the family.