Ways to address smelly husband or AIBU

[Painauraison]

Are most men smelly and don't take care of their hygiene needs??

I need ways to address this because what I have tried doesn't work! Or is this me?

I feel like my husband smells 🤣
My main issue is that he doesn't floss unless I moan at him to do it and I feel like his breath smells very badly, I can smell it when he's sitting next to me. He doesn't want to go to the dentist either.

I go downstairs quite early in the morning and when I come back up to get ready I can't cope with the smell of the bedroom - farts, sweat and bad breath. I asked him to shower at night but he won't. So I open the window wide but then he complains it's cold. He doesn't take much care with his appearance at all, which I fond lazy considering the amount women do.

The conversation usually goes with me trying to address it nicely, him denying it and causing a row. I'm at a loss of what to do! I may be getting the ick...

You may be getting the ick?! So up til now you’ve been happy to fuck a man who hauls a dirty, sweaty arse crack around for days and whose dog breath can fill an actual room? Christ on a bike.

To echo everyone else, he has zero respect for himself or for you. It sounds like he works hard but so do most people - it doesn’t mean he gets to skip basic hygiene and expect everyone he shares a space with to just put up with it, the filthy minger.

How often does he have a shower ? If less than once per day, then he is a pig.

Oh grim. Not the norm here, while not vain, my husband has always been very well groomed and has never needed prompting.

I've been with my husband all told, for 35 years and have never once smelt him! He showers once a day, cleans his teeth every day... There is no reason on earth for a bloke to stink that badly, apart from laziness!
You say you "feel" he stinks?! He either does or he doesn't! And it sounds like he does!
He has no regard for you at all, not just the personal hygiene. You can do far better than this manchild! Get rid!

None of this sounds remotely pleasant for either you or the children.

Not the smell, the rudeness, the lack of respect, the dismissiveness, none of it.

So maybe you need to think about what you and the kids are actually getting out of living together with him and what life would look like if you didn't.

I think you said he avoids them, so whilst it would be an initial shock, he's not adding value here.

For my family, divorce has worked. My ex h spends MORE decent time with his children now. When we were married, although he was in the same house, he didn't actually interact much with them. He has them 2 days a week now and properly focussed on them. Takes them out, good long conversations on walks etc. I honestly don't think he'd be doing that if we were still together. It's easy for him to do that really as he gets 5 days 'off' a week to do his stuff.

But also, your question 'are all husbands smelly and disgusting' or whatever it was. So what if they were? Would that make it alright? If everyone was also living like this? Being single is an option. And, imo and experience, a glorious one.

He sounds gross, rude, unhelpful and stinky. No my DP is not smelly. He is very clean and I'd dump his arse if he behaved like yours.

Christ have some self respect woman and get rid of this smelly dirty cling on!

I could not stay married to that. Or share a bed with him. He's disgusting and disrespectful and needs to be told so. If he doesn't care about you and he is bringing nothing good to your life, he could just fuck off.

OP - you sound lovely and deserve so much better 💐 Why are you still with him?

Get him interdental brushes (easier than flossing and work well) and perhaps a change of toothpaste? And new deo/ antiperspirant.

Maybe stop showering for few days so he can experience what you do.

You have my sympathies! It's not as simple as leaving someone for these reasons. You need to try fixing the issues first.

No my husband is not smelly at all, he takes great pride in being overly clean

My husband works a manual job, he comes home covered in all sorts but 30 seconds after he walks through the door he has a shower and changes into clean clothes.
If your husband smells so bad it will be making your house stink too, what you can smell in your bedroom is what any guest will smell in the rest of the house.

Op most adults are not having conversations with their adult partner asking them to shower or clean their teeth, Unless said partner has some illness or loss of cognitive function.

You need to stop being gentle and to be blunt.

His hygiene is awful, he stinks, he's lazy and it's completely unattractive.

If he rows with you about it, just keep repeating. There's no middle ground or compromise here, he can't justify it. It's a binary choice. It's disrespectful and by minimizing the problem he's essentially telling you he doesn't give a shit about you or the marriage.
He's given up and it's going to cost him unless he resolves this relatively simple issue.

Good luck.

He should be but he isn’t so let’s try and offer constructive advice.

I think the only constructive advice is to tell him to start (and keep) pulling his weight, thinking of other household members and personal hygiene, or the marriage is over. And mean it.

I couldn't be married to a lazy selfish stinking slob!

Run him a bath at night with a good glug of dettol in it. And a gift basket of toilettriez The more over the top the better. What do the kids say? He sounds gross. I wouldn’t be sharing h a bed with my fella if he’s smelly. 🤢🤢

Take up stoßlüften and hang him out on the balcony along with the duvet to air. It will also free up the bathroom for the kids.

You say that but most 15 year old boys are well into men’s fragrance these days. My son and his mates smell amazing.

But OP, none of the men I know sound like your husband.

@Painauraison

"Some" improvement to bad breath and farts may be made if you can get him to eat fairly large quantities of charcoal tablets!

There is no way that he can escape the dentist who can rule out severe decay and - at a cost - carry out a full clean. Dental work is less of a problem these days. I used to be phobic but found a good dentist and grew up to face the "fears"

Honestly that's even worse then.

OP a bunch of 15 year old boys are better at personal hygiene and not smelling like fucking farm animals than your adult husband. Maybe time to upgrade? (Obviously not to a 15 year old boy).

@Painauraison do you have any ground rules? I’ve never had to talk to mine about hygiene (he’s very clean and flosses/brushes/showers and never has bad breath (dentist regularly etc)). But one of the first things we did speak about once we got to sleeping together was ‘no farting in bed’ (can’t believe I wrote that). Obviously if you’re asleep or sneeze or something and one slips out it doesn’t count as an offence 🫣😂😷

Blimey, I'd actually find it a massive turn off seeing such pampering of a man. Man pedies and skin care regime 🤣No, mine's an ex forces man who would be happy with just soap and water. Honestly what are we doing to our men?!

One of my closest friends is also an ex-forces man, frontline, served in Iraq and Afghanistan, and he definitely has a skincare routine. He also has manicures, loves clothes, is incredibly stylish and collects fragrances. Because guess what? Men can enjoy all these things and still be totally confident in their masculinity - which my friend very much is. He's a married man with kids now, but when I first knew him he was quite the player and he certainly never lacked for girlfriends. He really doesn't need to prove he's a man by scrubbing his face with a Brillo pad, because it's already pretty clear to everyone who knows him.

I like my skin to look and feel good, so why the fuck shouldn't a man like their skin to look and feel good too? My mate is not somehow less of a man/husband/dad/soldier because he gets manicures and your husband isn't more of a man because he doesn't.

It's absolutely fine if your husband isn't like that - my DP isn't either; he has zero interest in skincare etc - and also it's fine if you find it a turn-off. But laughing at other men and implying they're not as manly and saying things like 'what are we doing to our men' is just a sexist bullshit attitude that's harmful for both men and women.