MNHQ posting: Can we request everyone read the second post from this user before responding to the word 'borderline' as it appears to be derailing the thread.
My friend is emotionally fragile at the moment and has been in therapy for several years as a result of her chaotic romantic life and inability to find stability and calm across all aspects of her life. There is always a drama going on and she is always one conversation away from tears.
Recently she met a man who sexually assaulted her. I am trying to remain objective: it was borderline.* She didn’t explicitly say ‘no’, but he overpowered her and pinned her down and she made it clear that it wasn’t what she wanted. To my mind, it was assault and it was wrong but it can’t be proven. She didn’t go to a clinic afterwards, no bruises or marks and she has no evidence. It is her word against his. She has asked me if I think she should report it to the police ‘so that it can go to trial’. I doubt it would get that far. Conviction rates are low, even in cases that are more clear-cut than this and where there is more evidence.
If I was advising a stranger I would say yes, report it, give a statement, hand over your messages, prevent this from happening to another woman. I am a very strong believer in justice and ending violence towards women. But she is my friend and she would not survive an interrogation. She would not survive the suggestion of being disbelieved. If they logged it and told her there was nothing more they could do, she may not be able to deal with that. In fact, I suspect even the experience of having to give a police statement might be more damaging to her mental health.
I’m sure there would be some feeling of retribution for her personally as well as it being ‘the right thing to do’ but I don’t think she stands to gain anything from reporting this and wanting the police to press charges. She has her very fragile sanity to lose.
It is completely against my better judgement, but are there cases where it is better to walk away and do nothing?