Friends cancelled wedding

[Newlywedgal]

I got married late last year (39/F) and had 7 cancellations (one family of 3, a friend with a friend plus one and a couple) at the very last minute.

The family cancelled the evening before at about 7pm. Her reason was she could not make it due to transport issues.

The friend with +1 cancelled as she had missed her 6pm train. She had been texting me that morning to say how excited she was about coming to the wedding, asking me lots of questions about my new husband, how we met, could she look after his elderly family etc.

The other cancelled at 11.30am on the day of the wedding (wedding at 2pm) to say she could not come as she had a headache. She too, was also texting me asking many questions about my wedding planning the week before and how it was going, lots of questions about where I would be living - what I would be doing with my property now I was married woman and also where we were going on honeymoon. She said it was 'ok for some' that we could go on a honeymoon as she had not been able to afford to do that following her wedding. She also asked me if I was having to work after my wedding, now I was marrying a 'wealthy man'.

The wedding was in a major city to avoid people having to travel too far.

I ended up a mess the evening before the wedding, trying to rearrange the tables etc - I was already very anxious about the wedding day.

A week or so after the wedding I sent each cancelling party a message to tell them I was sorry they could not make it, and not to worry about it. I have not heard a word from any of them since.

I have been lucky enough to attend so many peoples weddings / hen parties / baby showers / 1st/2nd birthday parties of their children when I was single happily to cheer them on for their life events.

I am very happily married now to a lovely man and the day otherwise was a success, but over Christmas time I felt very sad that I did not hear from these people again.

YABU to never speak to these people again and try and reach out
YANBU just let them go

Thanks

I agree. If they can't be bothered to reply when you've been gracious to them why make the effort? If they care they will be in touch eventually.

And she messaged to say she had missed the train and was going to try and get another one

ceremony and meal - all plus ones - cost >£350 / head all in

Sorry, I have never had a wedding, do you mean 350 per invited guest which includes their plus one or 350 per every person attending

Every guest in total including transport

Oh that’s pretty shitty then 😕 not sure I would move past that so quickly!

Its not their fault we chose to pay that much per head just an expensive lesson I guess 🥺

I'm an attentive person and I often forget what someone has told me.
Not because I don't care but because I have major brain fog.

I struggle to retain information and even though I danced for 19 years of my life, I now can't remember dance routines.

I can't believe the total rudeness and lack of consideration from the no-shows

Do people really not know how to behave any more? It's utterly appalling. I agree with the poster above who said this NEVER used to happen.

If people don't want to go it is very easy to turn the invitation down with whatever excuse reason they want.

And I really don't understand why the reaction is never speak to these ignoramuses again. I would absolutely have to tell them their fortunes. Why are they allowed to get away with it?

in situations like these, I try to stop and consider of there may be more to the situation than meets the eye. For example, I rarely miss anything that I have committed to attend, but I did miss something big, because I’d had a miscarriage. I didn’t tell anyone about this, instead I said I was sick.

sometimes we just don’t know - financial trauma, relationship trauma, mental health issues….anything.

All shit excuses

We had a no show at are wedding, didn’t even tell us they were coming just didn’t turn up. Found out they were hung over and couldn’t be bothered. My husband’s cousin didn’t come cos he had fallen out with me of the other cousins. Told me the morning off before, he had loads of allergies so a special menu had been prepared for him, also there was over 150 at the wedding so he could have easily avoided the other cousin, who did show up and said I just thought we’d either ignore each other or be polite enough that it would be an issue

Did you speak to them
again?

The one that didn’t show due to the family arguement yes and we actually really close now and he is still 15 years later feeling extremely guilty about the whole thing and still apologises.

the hungover one, was my DH uncle and not really - he didn’t even come to FIL funeral last year because the train was £70 - they were brothers!! So we are cordial if the need arises to speak to him but he’s blocked on all my social media.

Focus on the positives of you life with a lovely husband and forget about them