MIL in Palliative Care Unit

[Ggggggggggggggggyh]

Ok, so my DH and I are currently took a week off with our toddler to spend some time with his mum who has been admitted to a palliative care unit in the hospital. The rest of the family have been visiting my MIL who has been up and down and the doctors have clearly said that the inevitable will soon come to pass and that everyone should just make my MIL as comfortable as possible. My DH is very protective and caring and super loving towards his mother out of everyone in the family. Ive never been close to his MIL because she reminded me of my late father who did nothing to help improve their health despite the help and care given.

My DH has been so stressed and upset and of course he will be and Ive been giving him so many hugs and comforting words...but not anything to give him hope. He's been insistent on having our toddler see his grandma everyday and I refused because I do not want our son to be exposed to something like this so early on in his life. I just want our son to remember happy memories with his grandma. He basically was forcing our son to give his mum kisses and hugs while she had her oxygen mask on and our son kept saying, 'I don't want to' and was visibly upset. Our son eventually did but I said that once or twice is fine but not everyday. My DH is positive that his mother will get better soon and he's getting his hopes up again because his MIL is now being moved to a different unit.

Im really just wanting my MIL to kick the bucket now and just get everything over and done with. Honestly, she's better off gone because all she ever did was just sit and watch TV and complain about her pains and constantly moaning about everything. I sound like a bitch but I really don't care. It's just stressful having someone like her around and it doesn't help my son and I when DH is constantly wanting immediate updates on her and simply refuses to admit that her time is nearly up.

My lack of empathy probably stems from my relationship with my father. We loved each other so much but we both knew that when my father's health deteriortated, he just really wanted to die and didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I had no other family left when he passed away and that was only two months after my son was born and I had to take care of it all myself. No time for tears or grief, just the need to get it over and done with because I had a son to think about. That's basically how Im feeling now. People who have been suffering from a long term illness for a long time eventually do pass away and when that reality is staring right at you in the face, I don't get why some people just refuse to believe it.

Would you say that it's better to just leave my DH be? Or do I need to tell him outright that what is happening to his mum is just out of our control and that we should just let the doctors do their jobs?

And that’s a very romantic, poetic way of describing how it feels to most normal people but I don’t think it’s the case for OP. I’ve also worked in palliative nursing and have been the family member on the other side of it. There has never been any talk of hoping someone will ‘kick the bucket’ in such a callous way.

I vividly remember promising my comatose Dad that it was okay if he had to go, and that I’d be alright. I didn’t want him to go, I never wanted it to end, but I wanted him to go with at least some of his dignity intact. OP wants her MIL to die for her own convenience, not to spare the poor woman any further suffering.

You're horrible ,at the end of the day the lady is dying imminently,if you can't shut your mouth and outwardly show some empathy and comfort to your partner over what is obviously a traumatic time for him then I hope he sees the light and gets rid of your toxic arse 😁

My god, what a horrible,wicked person you are.

I hope yr DH sees you for what you are and leaves you. You are vile and should be ashamed of yourself.

I think you need to have a quiet word with him, explore why he thinks she's going to get better when the doctors have presumably said there's nothing more that can be done and very gently point out the harsh reality of the situation.

no he shouldn't be forcing your DS to kiss her, he/you should be explaining in age appropriate terms what is happening and it might be a bit scary but poor granny's very ill etc etc.

I had to get firm with my late DH about an elderly dog who'd reached the end of the road. Not quite the same I realise but he adored that dog. I had to sow the seeds and let him work the rest out himself.

I think otherwise you're going to have a hell of a problem when she does die and he's forced to accept the situation.