To be constantly surprised that people 'don't drive'?

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

Every day on here, and on my own social media, I am shocked that soooo many people don't drive. My local FB group is constantly people asking for favours because they don't drive, they want a dump run, or someone to deliver second hand stuff to them. On here, the barriers to work, to childcare, to anything is so often that they don't drive!

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

I totally understand it's expensive and costly to run a car but I don't think I realised how many people never learned!

Well sorry but I have never heard of anyone having 40 hours of professional driving instruction. It's madness. Yes you need time on the road but that can be with your parents or aunt or uncle. After the first , say 10 hours what are they teaching you? Sounds like a rort to me but I don't know whos getting the money. If it's not legislated just do what we do here, a first lesson or 2, hours with poor mum or dad and then a brush up before the test. 40 hours!!!!! Thats a rip! Sorry to be the one to tell you. It even says on your own website that anyone over 21yo with a full licence can be a supervisor.
And our first pass rate is very low ( about 60%) but then people do some more practice and then they pass. Just have to pay for the test again. ( roughly 20 pounds)

Curious to know if you were also paying your own rent and bills as well?

I can drive but I hate it, I sold my car when I moved to a (small) city with a decent bus service. I very rarely get lifts, I certainly would never expect it from anyone. Being demanding is an individual problem, not a non-driver problem. If I had children I would maybe rethink, but right now it's not worth the expense and stress. I'm more surprised by the people who spend a fortune on parking in the city centre when there are buses every 10 minutes, or who drive half a mile to the corner shop and then complain there's no good parking spots, when they could have enjoyed some fresh air.

That used to be the case in the UK, I don't know when it changed. My OH taught me to drive, and the marriage survived, it cost me nothing but that was back in the '70s before the days of the Theory test and so on.

I took my licence aged 31, we didn't have the resources at 17-18. It sounds like you think it's a given thing that your parents will pay for it, mine couldn't so I had to wait until I could do it myself. I could have done it a few years earlier than I did, but my insecurities/ bad self-esteem stopped me. I finally got the support I needed, and it's an amazing feeling to have it now and I'm so happy and pleased I managed to do it.

I'm glad that's your experience but having lived in z2 from 1980 until 2015 and having raised two children in London, there is no way I could have managed without a car.

I used to do the school runs in the morning and drive straight to work for 9am. It would have been 9.30 without the car. Notwithstanding the fact they were at different schools for much of the time.

In the afternoons, early evenings, it was a merry go round of collecting from sports and music practice. If I had to collect 6 year old dd from one place at 6pm and 9 year old ds from another at 6.15 it would have been impossible. DS was often playng at club matches up to 30 miles away at weekends. It would have been impossible without the car.

We also used to visit my mother, 100 miles away, and DH's mother, 240 miles away. It was much easier to do that by car than on the train.

Nowadays, we live just outside but still well within the M25. My journey to work takes about 25/30 minutes by car; 1hr 33 minutes on public transport.

The thing is, if at the weekends, I need to collect the dry cleaning, pop to the dump, go to the library, meet a friend for coffee and go to the hairdressers, I can do it all. Without a car it would take many more hours.

Come on. Firstly your post doesn't actually make sense. What's the and/or here? Are what? If you're going to be sarcastic and righteous, at least make sure you're making sense.

I know quite a few people who've never learned because it's genuinely easier for them to just rely on other people - usually their partners. It's selfish.

I doubt there's ANYBODY who can't learn to drive. It might take some sacrifices to get the money, but doesn't everything.

So a car is needed for your life, but it might not be for everyone else's. I have hairdressers, coffee shops and a library all within a 15 minute walk from home. Is it so hard to understand?

My son was at school with a boy who's mother didn't and still doesn't drive, she didn't and still doesn't work and her and her husband are now in their mid sixties. She will probably be taken care of financially but will have absolutely no independence. She will probably lean on her kids if her husband dies.

I've never restricted friendships to those who live within a 15 minute walk of my home. My life isn't that small.

I don't drive because (despite medication) my cocktail of severe, combined ADHD and other conditions makes me an unsafe driver.

I'd love to drive, as it really limits the life of my daughters and me, but keeping us and others safe trumps any selfish considerations.

This is the reply you probably expected.

Medical conditions which stop people driving are often invisible - dyspraxia, agoraphobia, anxiety. People may not wish to disclose this information.

I know people who have excellent careers with plenty of ambition who don't drive and people who drive but no career ambition.

We need all types of people in the world.

People are different and I feel too many judge others based on their own individual experiences and capabilities. We never know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes.

I understand that someone who has driven all their life, finds it easy enough to do so, relies on their car on a day to day basis etc might find it unusual that someone would choose not to drive. But not everyone is the same.

When I was a Londoner ( born and bred ) I had no need to drive, buses, tube, trains and trams and then in my later years there congestion charge -not a mission was I learning to drive

Aged 42 I moved 500 miles to the middle of nowhere, 5 miles to the nearest main road to get a bus - I soon learned to drive

Lack of ambition because they choose not to learn one specific skill? So someone who has say supported themselves through uni and who holds down a high powered job in their chosen career but does not drive shows a lack of ambition yet someone who drives but is happily plodding along in a job with no prospect of progression shows ambition.
I wouldn’t judge anyone for a perceived lack of ambition anyway. As long as a person is happy with their own life then all’s good.

Mine isn't either. I use public transport! It's very simple.

My SIL is only 60 and has always driven, but stopped quite recently due to developing anxiety over it, which I presume was menopause related. She's now completely reliant on her DH but he's recently been unwell and bedridden for several weeks. If he were to die quite a long time before she did, that's many years of lost independence and massive inconvenience for her. She'd have to make huge changes to her lifestyle and her routines. I think she was very short sighted to give in to the anxiety and stop driving. She should have sought some hypnotherapy or anti-anxiety medication of something, anything to avoid having to give up driving altogether.

I can drive, sadly can’t due to seizures. Even if I still could I couldn’t afford a car anyway

Family of three, with three cars. DC passed the test a few months after their 17th birthday and got in the practice driving to and from school every day under my supervision. Ten driving lessons for 17th birthday and an ancient Corsa (officially for their 18th, from the whole family a year early). But there's not really any public transport here, so it's an essential skill.

Babes she was talking about driving lessons. You don’t need a car to start driving lessons - you use the instructors car. Are you purposely being dense?

I didn't learn until almost 30. DH didn't until 33. It was expensive and I lived in a city so couldn't drive anywhere anyway (lots of no-drive zones, very expensive parking and complicated one-way systems). Only learned when babies appeared on the horizon and relying on public transport or walking would be more difficult for hospital/ child care.

Are you taking about the practical driving test? That's £62. It's the theory that's £23.

Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't treat anyone like a free taxi.

I turn down lifts. If someone won't take no for an answer because they want to travel to an event together and want to drive there, I will accept, but I'll make sure I do something in exchange, like giving them petrol money if they'll take it or buying them dinner if they won't.

If I treated anyone like a free taxi, what on earth makes you think they'd be my friend? I like my friends, so why would I use them? Why is your assumption that because I don't drive I must be some kind of awful person who treats those around her like dirt?

If the people in your life are using you, you need different people. But maybe have a word with yourself about assuming things about people before trying to get a new circle of friends together.

I am that person who needed 40 hours of lessons

Older learner ( 42 at the time ) and no one to sit in with me between lessons to practice. So every week I had a two hour lesson ( its a 20 min drive into town ) mostly for the driving experience ( I live that rural Id be using my lesson to get to the bank/post office in town lol )

Not everyone can get driving experience between lessons

So just because it’s not your experience, it doesn’t happen?

I can’t tell if this is genuine naïveté or if you’re being deliberately obtuse. This thread is full of examples of people who found learning to drive incredibly hard (including me, to the point I was never even recommended for a test). Do you really not see that a couple of lessons and a few trips around an empty car park with their parents will not work for a LOT of people? As for “After the first , say 10 hours what are they teaching you?” - I don’t see how you can’t understand that not everyone will pick something up first time. Or second, third or even fourth time. Sometimes you have to go over things again and again.

Also, don’t underestimate how stressful learning with a family member can be. I refused point blank to practise with my dad, despite his many assertions that he’d be patient and wouldn’t get angry if I struggled. I’d seen his attitude when being driven by my mom - no way was I putting myself through that.