To be constantly surprised that people 'don't drive'?

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

Every day on here, and on my own social media, I am shocked that soooo many people don't drive. My local FB group is constantly people asking for favours because they don't drive, they want a dump run, or someone to deliver second hand stuff to them. On here, the barriers to work, to childcare, to anything is so often that they don't drive!

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

I totally understand it's expensive and costly to run a car but I don't think I realised how many people never learned!

I passed my test first time at 21 but had to stop driving at 28 for medical reasons. Will probably never drive again. It's frustrating, upsetting and incredibly limiting, I feel guilty depending on my DH (and now 17-year-old DS) to do all the driving, and it's made ten times worse by the thought that people are quietly judging/sneering at me for 'lacking a life skill' when it's been ripped away from me.

The thing that surprises me more is that some adult non drivers actually choose to live somewhere isolated far away from work with no public transport, healthcare or shops nearby.

I don't drive. I have my own car that my family uses and got my driving licence at 17. I also have one of the serious mental health conditions that the DVLA considers me to be disqualified from driving for until I am recovered. So no, I don't drive and I don't feel weird about it.

What I find odd is that people who use public transport are seen as the strange ones. Rarely a thought for the impact on the environment or the health of the population in general. I’ve never relied on lifts, always been capable of using a train or bus, an occasional taxi or, shock horror, my legs. I’m now in my 70s, and a friend commented the other day how much fitter I am than most people around me, “because you don’t drive everywhere”. Well, yes. So many people would drive half a mile rather than walk, then wonder why they’re so unfit. I’ve been all round the world - in fact, I was already living and working abroad in my teens, so the last thing on my list was learning to drive. I’ve seen a lot more from a train or bus than I would have if I’d been driving a car. And here’s a thought - I’ve also met and chatted to other people while doing it.

Also, since the pandemic is very difficult to find a driving instructor

You are so getting ripped off. . Nobody needs 40 lessons. Are your driving lessons being run by criminal gangs over there. Most I know ( and this is with 3 DC passing their licence and all of their friends first go - a lot - except one boy who had to go for his test twice, everyone else had 4-5 lessons at most). One at the beginning, 3 during the ( bloody 120 hours that the parents do, though every hour with an instructor counts for 3 hours) and then a last one which includes taking the instructors car to use for the test.
You've got some kind of rort going on.40 lessons!
I'm astounded at the pp's figures.

Can you just not tell people if they are sneering at you? I tell people who sneer or make jokes with me about the fact I don’t drink alcohol and am therefore boring - I tell them I can’t drink alcohol as it gives me dreadful migraines and also interferes with medication I take for migraine prevention

What I don’t get is this
If you want to have a few drinks and not to drive other people why not all share a taxi then it’s a smaller cost for everyone and no one has to drive. Even if not drinking if you just don’t want to drive why not share a taxi?
If you were not planning on drinking and decided you would drive and it’s a short detour to take them why would you be so cross to do it? I think most people like doing something nice for their friends? Are your friends just not very nice and never say thank you/offer to reciprocate in some other way (eg getting you a drink while out or inviting you round and cooking dinner or similar)?

I’m 34 and can’t drive. I have dyspraxia which makes learning very difficult. I live in a city with great public transport though so I don’t feel inconvenienced.

So because I've never learned to drive, I'm unnatural, abnormal, immature and dependent?

Unlike you. But then with that kind of smug superiority, I wouldn't want to be anything like you anyway.

Some people 🙄

Did OP say it’s about “people who don’t drive and need lifts”?

It just seems she is surprised by the existence of non-drivers.

It's probably difficult for people who have rarely come across any obstacles in their lives to think of all the different reasons why people may not drive. It's like they have to be in that situation themselves to get it

I don’t really see why driving is a life skill but, speaking a second language (for example) is not.

I have used the latter skill far more frequently than the former!

(Or why people get angry at others who don’t have a life skill. I know plenty of people who cannot cook but it doesn’t enrage me.)

It really depends on where you live. Not much need for a car if you live and work in a decent sized city with good public transport and lots of amenities within walking distance of home or bus routes.

However, if you live rurally, or in smaller towns with crap public transport, then a car does really become a right of passage aged 17 otherwise you'd not be able to do much. Me and my brother started lessons on our 17th birthday, my son started on his 17th birthday. There's really no alternative around here unless you can rely on lifts. Even in our nearby small city, the buses are crap in that they're concentrated on a couple of "corridors" where there are buses literally every 5 minutes, but if you live and work off one of the corridors, you're stuffed.

I ditched my first serious boy friend because he not only didn't drive, but also had a "can't be arsed" attitude to learning to drive. He had me ferrying him around, always me driving on dates and meals out, always me driving on day trips. When he started expecting me to go out of my way to give him a lift to work or to pick him up from work, I'd had enough and ditched him. But he was one of life's "takers" in other ways too, i.e. not paying his fair share on dates and days out, etc. Good riddance.

But people aren't just limiting their frustration at their own circle are they? They're generalising based on their own experience and judging people over one aspect of their lives, insisting that because that's their experience, it's universal. Other posters are coming back with their counter arguments that as non drivers, that's not their experience, because they take responsibility for themselves, but still people will insist it's not possible.

"The trouble with non drivers...." "Non drivers expect lifts everywhere...." "Not driving means you're not independent...." "Don't drive if you don't want, but don't expect lifts!" (Obviously I'm paraphrasing but those things have been said here).

If there's a problem within your circle with non drivers demanding lifts then that's what it is, not a universal problem that every single non driver creates.

@mangoes1 From your use of 'over there' I would assume you are not UK based.

4-5 lessons at most - no-one I know has had this few lessons, not my parents, no my contempories, not my children or their friends. Even when parents are providing practice lessons are necessary to practice the test routes, the manouevres.

There is also the theory tests, although these are less onerous, but they do not have a 100% pass rate by any means.

40 is the AVERAGE taken in the UK - many have many more and multiple tests - passing first time is not that usual.

I have known several people of different ages take over 100 lessons and more than 6 tests before they passed.

A lot of people think their specific circle reflects the world. I am a non driver (though I do have a license) and have never once asked for a lift in my life.

I have rejected far more offers of lifts than I have ever accepted. I am uber independent.

@Carnewb Well said.

@mangoes1

https://readytopass.campaign.gov.uk/driving-skills/track-progress-learning/

UK Gov site above : Research shows that, on average, it takes people 45 hours of driving lessons with a driving instructor plus 22 hours of private practice to pass their test. But those who manage 100 hours of driving lessons plus practice are much safer on the road after their test.

I agree. My Mum "taught" me to drive in her car, which was basically ferrying her around town to go shopping, etc. After a few months, we both felt I was pretty confident, so I booked a lesson with an instructor. He told me I was virtually ready, and we just booked one other lesson to go through the "fine tuning" and another lesson immediately before the test so I could get used to his car for the test itself. So a total of 3 lessons, and an extra one which was basically car hire for the test.

I did the same with our son. We did have "proper" driving lessons, but only about 10. We'd have him drive when taking him/picking him up from school on days he couldn't use the bus, drive round town for shopping etc., drive to grandparents, and other "local" journeys. He was 17 in February and he'd passed his test in July. HIs first "proper" lesson on his 17th birthday, and then an hour every few weeks until his test in July. The vast majority of his "mileage" was with us in our car. No opportunity for the instructor to pad it out as he'd already taken his theory test before his first lesson, and we'd got his test booked in advance, so the instructor knew the "target" he was working toward so it wasn't up to him to say when he was ready, it was a done deal.

Thank god not everyone over 17 drives, the roads are hell already! I have driving and non driving friends and family. DD is 29 and has no interest in driving, she is happy with public transport and as she works centrally a car would only be useful on her days off.

I am looking refresher lessons once I am able to afford a car. I cannot remember how many lessons it took me the first time I passed but it was a lot!

I also had no access to a car to practice privately so all my learning had to be paid for.

I don't drive, for a number of good reasons - including where I choose to live, but I also don't expect to be ferried about by anyone ever. I use public transport, walk or if I need to take an Uber, and did the first two with 3 under 5 in tow. I don't feel weird or apologetic about it at all.

@JHound are you uber-independent or Uber-dependent - I think I am both.

That's silly then. As a non driver I wouldn't live anywhere without a 24 hour bus service.

You sound like you experience this a lot so it's fairly understandable you have that opinion.

You sound like you have a very unusual circle though.