To be constantly surprised that people 'don't drive'?

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

Every day on here, and on my own social media, I am shocked that soooo many people don't drive. My local FB group is constantly people asking for favours because they don't drive, they want a dump run, or someone to deliver second hand stuff to them. On here, the barriers to work, to childcare, to anything is so often that they don't drive!

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

I totally understand it's expensive and costly to run a car but I don't think I realised how many people never learned!

Grew up in a rural town with one bus service that didn’t go anywhere I wanted to go so I was desperate to drive at 17, scrimped every penny from my Saturday job for 2 years to afford the lessons. Parents paid for the test (thankfully passed 1st time). I live rurally now so having a car is an absolute necessity as again, the public transport is so poor.
Totally understand people who live in areas with good public transport feeling no need to learn and as long as they don’t move to the countryside during a pandemic and then bemoan the lack of public transport and constantly beg for lifts from their neighbours and friends before dramatically announcing their move back to a city because rural life is so ‘backwards’…

The world doesn't revolve around the low paid. The average income is £35k, so people are allowed to discuss how the majority of people live.

I can drive as I grew up in the countryside, but when my kids turn 17 they won’t be learning to drive as we live in central London. It’s not really the done thing here as for them it’s much quicker to get about on the bus/tube.

Where I live, many people have concreted over their front gardens so they can park two or three or even four cars. It is not good for any of us.

Some of my most capable friends do not drive. You cannot generalise or judge.

My parents actively discouraged me from learning to drive as a teen/young adult. For some odd reason they spent my whole childhood drilling into me how dangerous the roads are and driving is; at times I have lots of anxiety around just being a passenger. I did take lessons and pass my test in my 30s, but have never found the confidence to drive on my own. I feel really stupid for not being able to do something many people just do without thinking.

@MissEloiseBridgerton For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

Are you seriously that sheltered and privileged to not understand that everyone doesn’t get the same start in life?

Some people live in POVERTY. A lot of people do not have the means to afford their own driving lessons, vehicle, insurance and fuel let alone for their 17 year old kids.

It's so limiting to not drive if you can and will especially bite you on the bum when you're older and possibly can't get about as easily (obviously some people cannot drive for medical reasons and that must be really frustrating).

Being able to drive was an absolute godsend for me when my mum became frail and needed more support to continue living at home. And when the time came that she needed to go into a home we weren’t limited to the ones we could get to by public transport.

You absolutely should pay the cost of a taxi rather than treating your friends and family like free taxis!

Oh, and I don't beg for lifts. If I'm offered one, it's appreciated with a thank you, because I'm not entitled to them. I am happy to find another way of get where I'm going. I probably had a plan in place anyway. But it's nice to be treated to a car ride every so often.

I never learned and I'm in my 40's now. Very very expensive where I'm from to insure young drivers so I didn't know anybody at uni who could drive, for instance. Then since graduation I've always lived and worked pretty centrally in cities. We're both immigrants so we don't have family scattered around the country that we visit, like all of our car-owning friends. Their cars just sit unused on the street in between these family visits though, it seems?

We never ask for lifts, because there we have bicycles, taxis and public transport (and our feet!). But also, I don't hesitate to book a taxi if one of the kids has a birthday party in somewhere too far to cycle but not on a bus route or something. The £20 - £30 or whatever is still a tiny fraction of what being car owners would cost per month.

Not the only way at all! Many people do what you did - few formal lessons, parents helping and maybe a couple of lessons just before your test!

If you and your friends/ people you know are learning at 17, then it makes sense that you think everyone learns at that age. It's not a privilege everyone gets. I dont know anyone who learnt in their teens, either due to cost, or because im in london and most people dont have an urgent need to learn.

My 19 yr old is the same, he's not at all interested in learning to drive. He says none of his friends from school do, as far as he knows.

If 10 people earn £15k and 3 people earn £100k then the average is £34k

One thing I always find amusing on MN is that, if a poster started a thread saying “AIBU to be annoyed that my non-driving friend expects me to drive us both to friend C’s wedding?”, there would be dozens of posts saying the OP is right to be annoyed and that the friend is a “CF”. Yet if two friends who could both drive both took their individual cars to the same event, the responses would be “Why on earth didn’t you car share? Don’t you care about the environment?!”

I didn’t learn to drive until my 40s and started just before covid hit. Lessons were £35 an hour (went up to £37.50 an hour after Covid) but realistically you needed a 2 hr lesson each week. I am surprised you only had to pay £20 for your son. Lessons in my area cost more than that 20 years ago.

Yes I agree OP especially when there's posts on here from exhausted posters who have to take their 3 kids on a gazillion buses for the school run because they 'don't drive' and rely on their DH to do it but he can't do the school run because he apparently has to leave for work at 3am or some such nonsense. Learn to drive ffs.

I imagine in that situation they would discuss between them who should drive. If they are close friends it’s likely that they share driving. One drives one place the other another. I do that with my friends. I drove to a hen party. She drove to a wedding. Another one drives to the birthday party. Etc etc.
If not close friends, I still wouldn’t ever assume one would do the driving. But in the case of a non driver there’s just no discussion. The driver drives and that’s it. Plus sometimes I’ll drive to my friends house and park there and she drives the long distance. That way she doesn’t have to drive 20 mins in the wrong direction. But again with non drivers you get “what time are you picking me up”. And that’s it.

That's great, I am sure she is very appreciated.
She sounds like a lovely lady. Not nice to describe someone as not capable.

Whoa, right on cue — a WA message from someone who's an avid Just Stop Oil protester, wanting to know if anyone can give her a lift to a group walk on Saturday and asking if anyone would volunteer to stop off at the garden centre on the way back from the walk, because she wants to buy a couple of big pots and she needs a lift to get them home.

I'm 37 and I don't drive.

Nothing to do with cost - I just don't want to drive!

Yes it's a bit more of a hassle if DP isn't around with the toddler but I make do.

Why is it surprising. It's just not something I want to do.

I don't want to drive and that's my choice. I have legs, I use them and public transport.

Jesus Christ, if everyone drove in the UK then there would be congestion forever. We don't want everyone to drive. Not everyone has the money to run one either. Cars are expensive. So don't be so daft.

Those people should do themselves a favour and pick the nearest school, or move house to be near school. But it seems they never do. They want the same choices as everybody else, without the proper means to avail themselves of them. It gets very wearing when the guilt tripping of friends and family starts because they've over-committed to things that can't manage practically.