To be constantly surprised that people 'don't drive'?

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

Every day on here, and on my own social media, I am shocked that soooo many people don't drive. My local FB group is constantly people asking for favours because they don't drive, they want a dump run, or someone to deliver second hand stuff to them. On here, the barriers to work, to childcare, to anything is so often that they don't drive!

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

I totally understand it's expensive and costly to run a car but I don't think I realised how many people never learned!

So much privilege on display!

Neither I nor my parents could afford lessons when I was 17 (my dad drove and had a car), and since I lived in an area where there was excellent public transport, I did't need to learn until I was 28 and got a job that required me to learn to drive. Which I did within 2 months.

Lucky me, my brain hadn't atrophied.

At 28 I had the money to take lessons, and to buy a car to practice in. MUCH easier than learning as a penniless 17 year old, but if I hadn't learned then, I wouldn't have needed to until I had my son (mid-30s) - and then only to make life easier.

Even now, in the back of beyond, there's a train station nearby, so it's a convenience thing. I've already decided this is my last car and I will use public transport, hire cars and taxis once it dies. It will make financial sense.

I generally don't have a problem giving people lifts, or helping in emergencies. If I did, I'd say no. It's one of those situations where people don't want to say 'no', or take responsibility for not wanting to say 'no', so they blame the people who ask and think they should somehow be mind-readers. Plenty of drivers don't mind giving lifts - I was walking to a job the other day and a neighbour stopped and asked me if I wanted a lift - mental or what!

Sure. It’s rather like having a baby in your teens. Physically, it’s a great idea. Everything else, not so much.

As with so very many posts on mumsnet (especially when the OP does not return)

You are stupid OP - HTH

@Pluvia

No queue here, endless or otherwise
Sorry to disappoint you

Oh I have no doubt that the wide eyed with surprise OP did mean to use the judgemental tone. Suspect they use it on people who formula feed their baby, claim benefits and don't go on frequent foreign holidays too.

Imagine the environmental damage and the carnage on the roads if everyone drove. Not ideal if you live outside a city, but doable.

What driving sight test? The one where you read the number plate? You wear glasses or lenses to do it.

This subject comes up so often! Why does it matter so much I wonder? I don't drive. The reasons are nothing to do with anyone else, I dont rely on anyone else for lifts. Always been independent. That's it really!

You need to work on your boundaries! Just say no to all those cheeky buggers. I don't beg anyone for lifts.

One person, one car would make for a truly horrible world.

🙄🙄

Just think of all the extra exercise you’d get if you had to carry it home instead of just loading it into the car 😉

Well I'm constantly surprised by people who can't see past the end of their own noses!

Seriously op. Not everyone can afford to learn, yes it's a great skill but it's really really expensive to learn. Learning at 17 was simply not an option for me!

And for many the cost of running a car is a simply impossible

Much as I hate this oppression "check your privilege "

Learning to say no, now that IS a life skill

I have a driving licence, but don't have a car. It's an expense I don't need. I live in an area that has very good amenities, excellent public transport links and I can get to surrounding 'bigger cities' very easily. I am within walking distance of my children's school, and about a 10 minute walk from the beach and shops. I don't ask for any favours though. If I needed a tip run or house removals I would pay someone, if I had a hospital appointment I'd get a taxi etc.

@MissEloiseBridgerton when I learned it was cheaper - however, the average wage was about a quarter of what it is now so proportionally the same ‘big spend’. I saved but could only afford fortnightly lessons, thankfully passed quickly. As teens, my friends and I were all desperate to learn, despite there being good transport. But we had to do one or the other because most of our parents wouldn’t have run us about - very rare to get a lift somewhere off my Dad and although my Mum drove she didn’t like to. She walked everywhere when Dad took the car to work. Nearest shops 20 minute walk I guess.

It’s because of the — largely mythical— ‘entitled to lifts’ non-drivers that appear to hang about needing bothering so many Mners.

Like those vegans who apparently do nothing but bang on about their veganism.

When I was growing up my parents were alcoholics with mh problems in an abusive, codependent relationship. They used to drive drunk/ high with us in the back, screaming, hitting each other, veering all over the road, occasionally threatening to deliberately crash the car and “put us all out of our misery”. Even when they were sober and calm, they were dreadful drivers. Not only was there no way they were going to teach me, it put me off learning to drive and even being in a car (unless it’s really necessary) to this day. People are always offering me lifts and I rarely accept. I can manage fine getting around without a car. Where I live is an old suburb that is set up so you don’t need to drive. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t drive but is always looking for lifts except older relatives and people with disabilities who need to get to appointments etc. I’m not on fb though.

Many additionally didn’t ‘prevent themselves’. What a ridiculous response. Do you know anything else about those women? Most would have only had one car, possibly children and thus very limited time to practise. Attitudes were different. I didn’t see the need if my husband could drive and I didn’t want to, It wasn’t a short sighted decision..it was a decision made at that time when my circumstances were different. Oh that we were all as wise and as far sighted as you. Yet again, more of the sweeping generalisation and ageism we have to put up with on Mumsnet.

Well explain then, if it's not that sight test you're talking about?

I agree OP. My dm took her test in her 20's and then never bothered again?!!!

I mean, why go to the trouble of having lessons and then just give up? She's in her 70's now and it has seriously affected her life in ways I'm not even sure she realises. She's never really been anywhere/done anything and rarely leaves her town. If she comes to me I have to pick her up and drop her off which is quite a long drive. I never went anywhere as a child except to visit GP's on the bus. My dc's have been all over the show - when they were younger we went out every weekend to beaches, museums, visiting different places to explore etc.

I also have a friend who drives but won't go on the motorway which I find ridiculous. If we go out somewhere which involves the motorway one of the others has to pick her up and drop her off! I find it annoying and lazy, she's been driving for years but will only go to the shops/work/her dm's house.
She cancelled an event we had recently bc the other friend who was coming was ill and couldn't give her a lift. She decided she'd rather miss the concert and let me down instead of just getting in her effing car!

My two eldest haven't learnt yet despite us offering to pay for lessons but they are students so I understand that for now they're happy getting about in their Uni cities which both have the tram. But I'll be strongly encouraging them to drive when they leave uni.

I don't really understand the "my parents never paid for lessons" excuse - by that rule why haven't you paid for yourself? It's for your own benefit.

I was on a really low wage when I learnt but I scrimped to pay for lessons and an old banger as I wanted to have the freedom to take my child out and about. It really does open up another world not to mention how it can be an essential in certain jobs.

It's so limiting to not drive if you can and will especially bite you on the bum when you're older and possibly can't get about as easily (obviously some people cannot drive for medical reasons and that must be really frustrating).

Completely see where you’re coming from but where do you draw the line? Would seem ridiculous to be able to vote but not drive a car, join the forces and put your life on the line but not be able to drive etc.

Then would come the question of should there be an upper limit for voting too once you’re not deemed competent? My understanding is most of the fucking morons people who voted Brexit for example were older so less likely to be impacted by long term changes, should they not have been allowed. But that’s not the subject of this thread is it.

Even if I'd wanted to, I didn't have anyone to drive me around anyway, except paid for buses & taxis.
The same parents who didn't want to support me to learn to drive certainly weren't going to be ferrying me about! And so I learned from a young age that if I needed or wanted to be somewhere then I sorted it myself, never occured to me to beg lifts and assistance from other people, it just wasn't an expectation.
Had friends though who I needed to babysit through using public transport when their parents weren't available, and later when they couldn't use their car for whatever reason.
But sure, they're streets ahead of me where independence is concerned, being solely reliant on one mode of transport above any other. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like PP I've made it to 47 without a driving license. I live in London so no real need for a car, plus TfL provide me with a free pass as an employee. Nice perk. Outside of London I manage with public transport as well. . I do think I'm missing out sometimes when taking holidays in the UK so I'll probably learn eventually. When I was in my late teens I failed 6 tests so I thought that was the universe telling me something. I can't get on with gears, so will probably have to learn in a automatic.

DD is 18, lives with me, and also has no interest in getting a driving license. She might need to learn for her future career but for now she's fine taking public transport like me.

Because the lessons are expensive, especially if you are not lucky enough to pass first time and have to keep up the driving practice in between long, long waits for another test. Then the car and its upkeep is expensive. Then there's the cost of new driver insurance, especially if you are young.

I agree though, it's irritating people constantly fishing for lifts and help to run errands or move big stuff. I've given stuff away for silly money or literally free on marketplace or freecycle before and I STILL get people asking me to deliver, even when the only stipulation is that they must be able to arrange collection.