To be constantly surprised that people 'don't drive'?

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

Every day on here, and on my own social media, I am shocked that soooo many people don't drive. My local FB group is constantly people asking for favours because they don't drive, they want a dump run, or someone to deliver second hand stuff to them. On here, the barriers to work, to childcare, to anything is so often that they don't drive!

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

I totally understand it's expensive and costly to run a car but I don't think I realised how many people never learned!

Why not?

But look at the age profile of those most likely to be in RTAs, the 16 to 20s. It’s arguable that no one should be allowed to learn to drive til they hit 25. It would certainly make the roads safer.

Instead of criticising them, we should all be demanding far better public transport facilities.

Hear hear!

And then you can thank the ones who choose public transport over driving for doing their bit for the environment and leaving the roads less crowded for you.

I grew up out in the sticks with 2 buses a day and parents that would pick me up as long as it was before 9.30 because they go to bed at 10. I had my first lesson the day of my 17th birthday using money my granddad left me. My first car was an early 18th birthday present from my parents back when you could buy an old banger for £200. My partner grew up in the city so had no real need to drive so he didn't bother to learn. Different people view having a driving license differently, to me it was a necessity, to him it didn't matter.

One of the first responses nailed it. No ones business why people don't drive. There are far too many cars on the road as it is!

I learnt how to drive only at 34. Earlier on I lived in a place with very good public transport. But it cost me more than 1000 quid (it took me many lessons to learn properly). Not everybody has this kind of money.

Nor did I. Therefore it was a priority when I started earning my own money. It felt like a very important part of being independent.

I absolutely think children whose parents can’t drive or who only have one parent driving must miss out on such a lot.

i also think it’s weirdly important for dynamics between couples. My MIL won’t drive and so my FIL has always been the one to drive her and the family everywhere. It’s meant she is reliant on his good favour and he has definitely threatened not to drive somewhere because he was feeling grumpy with her. The ONE time my DH tried that with me early on in our relationship, the look on his face when I replied ‘fine I’ll just go away by myself’ and picked up the car keys, was hilarious. He meekly got in the car next to me and has never tried it again.

MIL also had to compensate with other responsibilities like packing up the car because ‘he’s doing the driving’. I like that I’m able to share long drives with my husband, and he doesn’t get to dip out of anything by merit of being ‘the driver’.

I will continue to do my big shop as long as physically able and mentally capable. It gets me out of the house and it’s good exercise pushing a loaded trolley and loading the bags into the car. I’m perfectly capable of doing it online by the way, I’m not a tech phobe - but the only time DH and I have ever done it is when we both had Covid.

I passed in my mid 40's finally, after several attempts over the years, when time and finances allowed.
I arranged my life around it in pretty much the same way I did/do for other factors, finances, preference, availability.
Because I'm not an idiot I didn't move somewhere that was inaccessible by public transport, nor apply for jobs that I couldn't get to. I missed out on more stuff because I had to work, or because I couldn't afford it, or because I didn't have childcare than because I couldn't drive. And I still miss out on that stuff, because having a driving licence doesn't change those things.
It's made my life easier, certainly, but it wasn't the insurmountable obstacle that people make it out to be, and the times I can't use my car, well I'm able to navigate that without a big fuss or relying on people any more than I did before I could drive.
It's a useful skill, but it's not an essential one, because I managed, as do a great many people without it, and I don't live in a city.

A driving licence isn't a God given right, it can be removed for infractions, for health reasons and I wouldn't like to think I was so reliant on it that I couldn't function without it, how narrow a life that must be, and would definitely show a lack of independence. Which is quite amusing when you consider that some people are so insistent that driving is so essential to independence that you can't possibly be independent without it.

I was pleased when I passed, however I didn't suddenly have a full change of personality and lifestyle, I hadn't sat under a rock for the 20 odd years that I couldn't drive. I had a job, a child and a life. In fact I am probably more restricted financially now with what I can do because the car costs me a bloody fortune!

These threads come up so often, it baffles why drivers get so wound up about it.

Because behind every non-driver going on about no one needing a car and boasting of being eco-friendly, there's an endless line of friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances they've been begging lifts from/ assistance from for years.

I'm constantly amazed by how judge-y people are.

I'm disabled and not only does this make learning to drive difficult but driving makes my disability worse.

I also don't understand all the encouragement to just try again. I mean, even if money was no object and lessons etc were free... do you really want the roads full of people who have failed a double digit number of times, got lucky during one test and drove better than they normally do, but on a typical day, completely suck at it?

But there are so many crap drivers out there, maybe this is what a lot of you want. Personally, I think it would be better if more people accepted they shouldn't be driving. We'd probably have fewer dead people from traffic accidents.

I agree and that's what the parents thought they had until the bus services were changed. Also an issue to bear in mind. It would be fine if the taxi firms would operate to timed short journeys but they no longer will. It gets hard to move aged 88!

Was top of my list of things to do once I reached 17.
My parents didn't teach me and they didn't pay for my lessons.
I worked every evening and weekends, after college, to pay for my lessons and to pay my own way as no-one was paying for me.
I agree with you OP I am also surprised not only by the fact people don't drive but also by the expectation others should drive them around if they don't.

I get your point too. I learnt at 17 (my kids 17/19 did too - daughter bought a car, son hasn't BUT he had invested so much in lessons it was worth continuing )

They are expensive (lessons ) - £60 for 1.5 hours here (East Anglia) They had a few lessons for their birthday, the rest they funded themselves. I got them 6 months learner insurance to practice in my car.

We do live in a city - buses are not great. I have several friends who don't drive - I have offered them lifts occasionally, but I find it cheeky when they ask - I pay to run a car , they can pay to taxi/use a bus !

No she planned her life around a half hourly bus too starting at 7am. That has been changed to 9.20 and one bus an hour. It means she can't accept a Dr's apt before 9.45 and the trip now takes a round 90 minutes minimum and can take 2.5 hours.

No one is suggesting that anyone who is too disabled to drive should be driving. I know that one disabled friend, who drove a camper van from her power chair and went all over the UK in it, was utterly devastated when she could no longer drive. It was her freedom.

I can drive - I also learned when I was 17, and took my test and got a licence then - but I don't drive much, perhaps 3-4 times in the past year (we don't have a car, did until 16 months ago). My 19 year old son doesn't have a licence, he wasn't interested in learning to drive when he was offered some lessons as a possible birthday present. A close mate of mine is in her 50s, and has similarly never taken a test. Lots of people don't.

I know to 17 year old girls not long passed their tests and both have already been caught speeding. 17 year olds may be physically better equipped to learn but whether they have the mental maturity is quite another question.

Plenty of us manage to be perfectly independent by living in sensible locations and making sensible life choices. There's this thing called public transport that I know some of you think is ghastly but we manage fine with.

I don't ask for lifts and I generally turn them down when offered in case the driver is someone like you. Honestly, I'd rather pay for a taxi than carry the weight of your judgement. The taxi costs me less.

I didn't learn at 17 as there was no money for driving lessons and no access to a car if I had lessons .
Having recently put my son and daughter through the very long process of theory test , lessons and trying to get a test , then insuring a car it is apparent that learning to drive is still prohibitively expensive to many .
Whilst I agree it is a necessary life skill it is out of reach for many .

This. As I’ve said earlier in the thread. My (ex) friend would tell everyone she didn’t need to drive. She was more than happy on public transport. She didn’t need a car. But neglected to mention all the lifts she’d ask me (and probably others) for.

I'm 30 and don't have nor have ever had a license or even a provisional.

Never needed one, where I live everything is within walking distance or a bus/train ride.

@Autumn38

I'm a single non driving parent.
He's never missed out on anything. We've been all over the country on trains and buses, the odd Ferry, he was a scout, we've even shock horror been abroad
It really isn't hard.
I did observe that before they got to car driving age my son was much more independent than his friends because he knew how to buy a ticket, read a timetable, use the bus and tube. He was travelling independently to his grandparents in another city on the train at 14. My friends kids who were used to being ferried around were totally helpless when faced with a bus

My eldest DD doesn't drive, lives and works in a city, her DP has a company car, they manage fine.
She will eventually if they have DC.

"I absolutely think children whose parents can’t drive or who only have one parent driving must miss out on such a lot." @Autumn38

I don't see why. DH and I very rarely drive, and it doesn't do our sons any harm at all as far as I can see. Obviously it depends on other things, such as where you live, public transport, etc, but I can't see that "absolutely" children miss out on "such a lot"?