To be constantly surprised that people 'don't drive'?

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

Every day on here, and on my own social media, I am shocked that soooo many people don't drive. My local FB group is constantly people asking for favours because they don't drive, they want a dump run, or someone to deliver second hand stuff to them. On here, the barriers to work, to childcare, to anything is so often that they don't drive!

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

I totally understand it's expensive and costly to run a car but I don't think I realised how many people never learned!

I learnt at 17 whilst doing A-levels. I had a part-time job which paid for my lessons. I actually think doing it at 17 is probably the best time to do it, if you can. The majority of 17 year olds are still living at home and in education, so money from their part-time job is theirs to use as they like. It’s really the only time in life when the money you earn can be used totally as you please. I worked part-time from 16 in a supermarket at weekends and some evening. I paid for my phone and most non essential clothes etc. I paid for my socialising and anything left over I saved up for lessons for when I turned 17.

learning to drive is expensive and if I hadn’t learnt when I did, then I would have probably struggled to to learn in my 20s as I was paying for housing, bills etc and didn’t have as much disposable income (or even time).

The majority of the people I knew from school learnt at the same time as me, those that didn’t haven’t gone on to learn in later life (yet). They didn’t come from different financial backgrounds, they just prioritised how they spent their part-time wages differently. Interestingly, those who didn’t learn whilst at school, tended to be people who’s mothers didn’t drive (although not in all cases), so maybe it wasn’t so expected of them at home.

I don’t have a problem with non drivers as long as they are happy to get themselves about. What does annoy me is non drivers who constantly expect drivers to put themselves out to give them lifts. I have a friend who I’ve had since school. She didn’t learn whilst at school because basically she prioritised going to every concert/gig/festival possible. She then met her husband young (age 20) so then didn’t NEED to drive as he became her chauffeur. She’s never learnt, now has kids etc but expects everyone else to run around after her. She never uses public transport and basically has her husband trail around with her everywhere so she doesn’t have to catch a bus or train. She sent her kids to school in another village rather than the local school. She could have caught a bus or train to get them to and from but instead got her Dad (who lived in another town on the opposite side of the village her kids to go to school in) to pick her up twice a day to do the school run, he must spend 3 hours a day minimum running her about for the school runs in the morning and afternoon. If for any reason she can’t use her husband or Dad for lifts she 100% expects friends with cars to put themselves out to pick her up for evenings out etc (she wouldn’t expect me to do it if she was going out with other friends - like a taxi service - but would if we are doing something together, despite me living in a different town and it being a major detour). Money isn’t a problem and she could afford to learn to drive, she just can’t be bothered.

Or, as in my family, the scarce resources are reserved for boys. I’m one of five — four girls and a boy. The boy was the only one for whom driving lessons were even suggested, and actually paid for, as a ‘normal’ part of growing up. We girls were expected to get little jobs in shops, marry young, be SAHMs and be driven about by our husbands. So obviously we all went and got multiple degrees each and focused on careers and living abroad, only one of us is married, and we’ve produced only a single child between us.

I have never not got a job due to not being able to drive. It has never even been asked of me.

I’m far more well traveled than most of my friends from the small town I came from who all learnt to drive by age 21.

I didn’t find it limiting.

HTH.

I had a Saturday job in the 6th form that paid for my driving lessons.
Most of the early jobs I had would not have been possible, had I not been able to drive.
I only know 1 person, highly intelligent, degree-educated, who cannot drive. She tried to learn a few times, but it never happened.
All the rest of my schoolfriends learned at 17.
Mind you, I come from a family of petrol heads! My granny and my mother were both keen (and very good) drivers. Looks like that gene has been passed down to my 3 year-old great-niece, whose favourite game is "driving"!

I think you are a bit unreasonable to think that your experience of growing up is the same as everyone else’s. Nobody in my family could afford to learn to drive or run a car so I didn’t have the luxury of having lessons paid for or borrowing my parents car. It just wasn’t a priority in my family. I travelled everywhere by bus or coach. I didn’t learn to drive or even travel by train until I was in my 30’s because it was too expensive.

Also please remember invisible disabilities exist. My 28yo DS has severe anxiety and recognises that he’s likely to be a danger to himself and others behind the wheel so hasn’t learned to drive. He lives in central London so goes everywhere on foot or by tube.

i don’t really understand why drivers get so bothered about non-drivers. There are loads of reasons people don’t drive. Cost, medical issues, panic/anxiety, environmental concerns etc. I hate nosy people quizzing me like I haven’t elvoved properly because I don’t drive. There is a reason but I don’t have to tell you about it! Otherwise, I get myself and my kids around quite happily by foot, bike, and public transport. I also hate the belief that non-drivers have no independence and are sitting at home all day waiting for drivers to take them somewhere, simply not true!

Not driving doesn't necessarily mean you never learned. I have had a driving licence for about 35 years (it's useful for ID if nothing else), but I have only ever driven occasionally, and not at all for the last 7 or 8 years. I recognise that I just don't have much aptitude for it - I cannot drive without giving it 100% concentration, which means nobody can talk to me in the car, and I really dislike driving fast, and most of all co-ordinating lane changes. I'm not hurting anyone by not driving. I mostly walk or use buses (there are convenient buses for everywhere I need to go, and a good monthly travel card scheme that means they work out quite cheap, and I would never move to a place that didn't have equally good public transport). I never ask for lifts and sometimes turn them down politely because I'd genuinely rather walk. My husband has a car and we go out together in it once a week for one activity (he doesn't use it himself all that much - that is often the only time it is used in a week, unless we're on holiday, so we tend to combine our activity with a "big shop" if there's time). I honestly don't think you would feel all that safe in a car if I was driving. It's not one size fits all, and I think my choice is a lot more sensible than continuing to drive unconfidently and maybe put other people in danger.

And I didn't learn at 17, neither did a lot of other people I knew, although some of the richer kids did. We lived in a big city, so there wasn't any urgency about it. A very old friend of mine grew up quite poor and learnt to drive, at her own expense, at 21 when she was living and working in a rural area where it made sense. She is now a confident driver, but she's her, and I'm me.

I grew up in a city and didn't learn until 21 passed my test at 22 because I needed to for the career/industry I wanted to go into

Yes, Op, it's very short sighted.
We had a 29 year old Summer worker stay with us this year who did not drive due to his concern for the planet. We had to go out of our way to take him to the laundry, the train, the supermarket and to his work (and his boss had to drive him between work places) due to him not being able to drive the vehicle that was supplied to him. Crazy!
There are charities that concentrate on teaching kids to drive; I think driving is an essential skill to have.

I don't drive because I don't want nor need to. I don't ask for lifts or always take them if they're offered. I get around on foot, bus, tram and train. I'm 55 and life always got in the way of learning, but I'm really not bothered now.

More people drive than need to. Not enough people get around on foot to the detriment of their health. Kids are driven to places within walking distance, adults nip to the shops that are ten minutes walk away.

So many people having a multi car family has to be one of the reasons for the increase in obesity for kids and adults.

I keep failing my tests
lessons are bloody expensive and everyone thinks I'm wasting money as I will never pass
Everyone tells me to give up
It's very very hard to find automatic instructors in my area. And if you do, most won't come out unless you do 2 hr lessons
The test centre is far and therefore that's why 2hr lessons are necessary
I lose concentration after about an hr
I found a new instructor last year, determined to pass. He was horrible and had to quit after 4 lessons
My previous instructor verbally abused me it was so bizarre.
I hate driving, I don't find it enjoyable at all
I get very anxious when driving and I'm worried if I was on my own I'd run over someone and accidentally kill them
My sibling passed their test and then never drove until about nearly 10 years later. They hate driving too

Does my head in.

A life skill that people should have (unless medical reasons)

Then surely it’s not hard to fathom that people have different lives and not everyone will
drive for whatever reason.

I learned at 20 as I had to pay for my own lessons, I was nursing and used to have a lesson on the way to my shift to save bus fare, I was always inventive:) DH and DS both learned when they were 17, both had lessons paid for, both passed first time and both had only about 12 lessons to pass.

I have hiked all my life and to get to some of the remote places you need your own transport. DS is doing the 3 Peaks challenge this year so we will be on the support team for him and his mate driving between Peaks. Also had a great road trip across America for a month. This year now retired we are taking a motorhome across Europe and the UK. Again places that are out of the reach of public transport.

I couldn’t give two shits about non drivers unless they are CF asking for lifts.

Woohoo, good for you, I was 47, yes 47 when I learned to drive. I'm sure the op will be thoroughly "surprised" at that.
I wish I had done it 30yrs ago but my predicament (no money) dictated otherwise.
Good luck, enjoy the freedom when you pass x

It's not essential for me. Sounds like it was essential for the worker that stayed with you who probably should have learned to drive but that's not the case for everyone.

Lack of resources while I was 17; I went to a Uni where no one could drive; did a series of postgraduate degrees at said Uni so was skint in my 20s; became an academic in cities were driving was not required. But when I have had the money (not the time) to learn, I have tried and have failed miserably. I have terrible hand-eye coordination, no sense of direction, I find it hard to concentrate and I panic a lot when required to do practical/physical activities. I really do think I would be an extremely dangerous driver, and above all I am terrified at the idea of hurting other people. I hate the threads where non-drivers are blasted as selfish bastards. I use public transport, I walk and, where necessary, I use taxis, and I budget for this.

I had a boss who's wife didn't drive. He passed away just one year after he retired. His wife then decided she had to learn to drive which she did and she would have been early sixties. Just a pity she didn't learn earlier. The kids including a girl all had learnt to drive.

What’s more interesting is why we have built a society around the needs of drivers, which is so short sighted and not in the interests of creating thriving mixed communities where people want to live. Beeching has a lot to answer for.

I'm quite surprised too at the number of people who don't drive and have never learned. I'm 60 and learned at 17, as did my siblings and all my friends.
My 87 year old mother learned at 17 too, and drove all her married life, which I'm so glad about as she still has her independence after my dad died a few years ago.
My 2 children learned at 17 and had their own small old cars, paid for by a combination of gifted money and their Saturday/ holiday jobs, they drove themselves to school after they passed.
I view it as a life skill, like swimming.
Where I live there is no railway station, and the buses go every 2 hours till 5pm to the city about 8 miles away, they go nowhere else besides that one route. So if you want to go to, for example, a supermarket, garden centre, diy store, hospital, doctors, vet, friends houses, any place of employment not in the city centre, stately home, park, leisure centre, or go anywhere not in the city centre, or anywhere at all after 5 pm or on Sundays, then you need a car. I use mine several times a day. I also wouldn't be able to visit my son who lives very rurally, collect my grandchild from school or bring her to my house without a car.
I'm interested to know what those people do who don't drive, if they need to get things like garden plants and compost, garden pots, or large things from a DIY store, or go anywhere at all that isn't on a public transport route. Do they get taxis everywhere?

Yes I think it is surprising too - I learnt at 17 and absolutely everybody did it. However now my DS is learning and it is really expensive so I’m sure that is part of the reason.

In my experience they get me to drive them about! I’m 55 and sick of it 🙈

I’m in my 60’s and passed my test at 21.
I love driving and the freedom it brings.
My parents didn’t pay for me or my siblings.

Dd struggled to pass her test and gave up for a while. I stressed that she should really pass before having dc otherwise life would be so much harder.
Pleased to say she took my advice.

Same, so I learned at 28 because it would have been irresponsible of me to not be able to drive once I had children.

Round here it's £60 for a 1.5 hour lesson and it takes around 6 months to learn. That's at least £1,500 for lessons alone. Then they might not pass first time.

My daughter has only just started learning in the upper sixth due to a few practical reasons. She's getting tight to pass before the summer, then she's off to uni.