To be constantly surprised that people 'don't drive'?

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

Every day on here, and on my own social media, I am shocked that soooo many people don't drive. My local FB group is constantly people asking for favours because they don't drive, they want a dump run, or someone to deliver second hand stuff to them. On here, the barriers to work, to childcare, to anything is so often that they don't drive!

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

I totally understand it's expensive and costly to run a car but I don't think I realised how many people never learned!

Your life might be, but why can't you understand that everyone has different lifestyles?

I'm surprised too. Obviously some is due to disability? But most isn't. It was a priority to me, it clearly isn't to others.

Money doesn't prohibit all though. You can learn to drive without actually having a car yourself, and you can learn to drive cheaply if someone teaches you, you only then need a few lessons. Dh and I taught ds1 and then he had a few lessons.

Does it surprise you that people live in cities or grew up in cities so never needed to? I am 37 and don’t drive, I grew up in inner city Dublin where there was no parking and there was charges for driving around the city, I could walk to school/ work so driving would have been a waste of time and money. I did try learn at one point but the cost was just ridiculous and I couldn’t keep it up, I also wanted to travel a lot and moved countries when I was in my twenties, I couldn’t have done that with the burden of a car/ car loan. Now I’m in London and people here give up their cars as it’s costly/ pointless. I’d never live anywhere where I needed a car.

Times have changed, I was up at the crack of dawn on my 17th birthday to get my father to take me out in my £30 mini. DS1 learned at 17 but didn’t drive after he passed his test for 10 years, DS2 is 30 and takes his test this month. They both live in London so there isn’t much point but are very dependent on me for lifts when they come “home” to the countryside.

Both of my children (18 and 21) drive. It’s been important to me to support them to learn to drive and have this life skill from early adulthood. So I prioritised paying for lessons and saving to buy them a car, despite being a single parent on an average income.
Although we live in a village with poor public transport (significantly worse than when I moved here when they were young) so this has made it more important, even within bigger towns and cities public transport does restrict where you can easily access for work etc.
To cross reference with another thread about 16-24 year olds being out of work, I wonder what influence driving or not has on this?
So rather than being surprised that people don’t drive, I am more surprised that parents don’t prioritise their children learning to drive (not above rent or food but above holidays or Botox which seem quite common on MN).

Parents couldn't afford to pay for my lessons, I couldn't afford to pay for my lessons, so I never got lessons.

There was no way I could afford a car, and parents I guess didn't have the time / patience to want to teach me themselves.

Moved to London, didn't need to drive. Lived in a city ever since and apart from the odd time have had no need for car.

i have been anxious about driving and still am, but just passed my test at 48, so it’s possible to overcome the anxiety for sure, if you have a patient teacher who knows you’re feeling nervous. So if this is the only reason honestly give it a go I felt amazing when I passed my test. 😊😊

Personally I'm shocked at how many people seem to think it's any of their business.

I didn't drive for years, and it really was prohibitive around my life/childcare was difficult - but I made it work. I didn't ask people for lifts, I used public transport or Ubers. I had loads of people ask quite invasive questions about it or make negative comments implying I was selfish.

I did actually learn to drive quite young - just before I took my test I experienced something very traumatic (non-driving related) and started to get panic attacks when in the passenger seat of a car whenever there was a 'close call', like someone cutting in front of us - I made the decision to stop driving until these passed, which took almost 10 years! When I stopped having them, I took my test, passed, and now life is easier. But I've talked to a few people who don't feel safe driving, and the attitude we've always experienced, 'just drive, and you'll be fine' was actually really dangerous advice!

Exactly. And paying for a taxi now and then or rubbish clearance once every few years etc. probably works out cheaper than buying and running a car. Better for the environment too!

I left hone at 18 on not much more than minimum wage. I'm by no means privileged.

Well it would for some jobs as they stage you must have a driving licence. They do say you must be driving regularly

I can drive but as a child a family member was killed in a car crash when another driver crashed into their car and I went to their funeral. I guess that had a lasting effect. I occasionally drive but the road rage of other drivers freaks me out, people beeping and swearing at you if they’re delayed a second.

I agree. It must be so limiting. I learned to drive at 17 because I wanted my freedom. I couldn’t live any other way.

There will be a proportion of people that can drive but choose not to. I am one of those; I have held a full licence since 1988. I don't rely on anyone to give me lifts, I either walk, use public transport or get a taxi. My household is a three car family so I can if wish ask for a lift from the people I live with. I rarely ask for a lift from anyone outside of family.

I don't need to justify to anyone why I chose not to drive as it is not anyone else's business but mine as it doesn't affect anyone else. I also don't eat lamb and yet again don't need to justify to anyone why I don't.

It's the constant lift requests that puts it under the microscope for me

How old are these ‘older’ women? This attitude was common among my parents’ generation but certainly not mine, and I’m ‘older’. I can’t think of a single friend or relative who doesn’t drive. In retirement most are keeping two cars to maintain their independence.

I don't drive for multiple medical reasons. That may be able to change one day and enable me to try learning again but for now it's not an option.

I don't ask for lifts, I get around by walking (when I can), tube, bus, tram, train and the occasional uber. Fortunately my disabilities mean I have a freedom pass and disabled rail card. The worst part of not driving for me is how many people (family) don't respect the medical reasons. It's all very well them saying I should learn but, when the DVLA won't issue me a provisional licence, it makes taking lessons impossible!

In the last few years 3 relatives, including DH, have had to stop driving for medical reasons. It can happen to anyone. I know someone who has to WFH now as they had a brain tumour and can no longer drive to the station to get the train to work. They live somewhere without good public transport.

I am not surprised at younger people not driving.

I learnt as soon as I was 17 in the mid 80s. My lessons were £10 per hour which I paid for myself from my job which paid £40 per week. So my costs to learn were high, but I really wanted to learn and get my driving licence. Passed first time - without practice in the family car.

Over the years I have been without a car for a short time only, but understand that I am fortunate to have been able to afford to do this. Also that I don't have medical reasons not to be able to drive.

The area I live in has reasonably good public transport, and I think that taxi costs are much more affordable now than they used to be. I often walk places and use public transport.

My mid 20s DC does not want to even learn to drive. I have suggested that they learn as it's a useful skill to have, even if they never own a car but just not interested.

Motoring costs are increasing and I can see that in the near future car ownership will become too high for many. Insurance costs are crazy now, and new cars sooo expensive. Me and DH both have decent-ish cars but are a few years old, we will keep them as long as possible .

Well-off, supportive families are able to invest in many "life skills" for their children that are beyond the reach of those with more money pressures or time pressures, or who simply don't have the know-how or resources. Swimming and driving are two, perhaps valid, examples, but I've also heard things like sailing and skiing mooted as "life skills", which is quite frankly ridiculous. For poor time-pressured families living in urban environments and without access to a car, teaching their children to drive is not a priority. Even if they can scrape together the money for lessons, the licence would just sit in the drawer afterwards.

It's difficult enough for children from backgrounds where, for example, sports clubs, extra curricular activities, swimming lessons, dentists check-ups, daily reading, careers.know-how, holidays and driving lessons aren't the norm. Many will reach adulthood and working life and, even if they have managed to reach a position of economic security, will have to ruthlessly prioritise which of the deficiencies of their childhood they compensate for - for example, sorting out serious dental issues may take precedence over holidays and driving lessons. And then children often come along with all the associated costs and large, discretionary expenses are no longer possible.

I have inherited optic atrophy from a parent who also never drove. If someone like you met me, I expect you would be snidely wondering why I never ‘bothered’ to learn, since my sight impairment is invisible to anyone who doesn’t know me - I can do nearly everything but I have no distance detail. People like you OP are one reason why people like me go to huge lengths not to ask for help.

Not everyone is in a privileged position at 17 to be able to learn to drive. Not everyone has the money to afford lessons, insurance and a car. People may also have health conditions that prevent them from driving. People may also not want to drive for a multitude of reasons. It’s not hard to understand, we all have different lives and experiences.

I can drive but can’t afford to run a car with its endless costs of MOT, road tax, insurance, petrol, repairs.

that being said, I don’t ask for lifts as there is excellent public transport where I am. but I can see why people might want to car share to contribute to petrol costs.

This

I find people rather shocked too and offer me lifts when I go to visit suburban areas even though I don’t even ask. I had a relative shocked that I walked 25 mins to get to a yoga class one tine, when I told her I’d get the bus back she seemed horrified and kept offering me a lift. This was summer time so it wasn’t like I was hiking through a storm.

@RosesAndHellebores I was taking issue with your use of the word "essential". For many of us who do not own a car or drive it is not essential as we have good public transport.

What is essential, IMO, is to consider your transport options when you move somewhere. I cannot understand why so many older people retire toplaces with very few public transport without considering there may be a time whenthey are unable to drove or afford to run a car.

Being able to get around easily on my own without a car is important to me, so we bought a flat with an easy walk to the station and with a bus stop at the end of the road.