Partner of 19 years just punched a door and smashed a glass

[Teacake808]

As title says.. Been with my partner 19 years. We have 3 kids together. I've had to give up my job that I loved after continues backpain. On going for 5 months. He works full time. We were enjoying a glass of wine earlier. I mentioned that I wasn't particularly happy with our dog groomer, she always cuts her to short. He went over the top saying we will cancel etc in a dramatic way. I tell him this is the second time today I've voiced an opinion and he's overreacted. He then gets up and smashes a wine glass telling me I'm a shite unsettled person and punches a door on the way out. What the actual. I'm literally in shock. Yes I've been sad I've lost my job but still looking after my house and making sure that twat has a cooked meal after his shift😌

The irony of him calling you unsettled when he is smashing a glass and punching a door. This is awful behaviour.

Blimey! Is he having a breakdown? Has he done anything like this before? Completely unacceptable.

Is this normal behaviour for him?

Sounds like extreme stress on his part, what is he hiding?! Absolutely unacceptable. He needs to leave the property and calm down, that's incredibly aggressive and intimidating.

Has he never done anything like this before? It sounds like a bizarre escalation.

How are you coping with the pain you're in, by the way? Is it affecting your mobility and your energy levels?

That's not me trying to suggest you aren't doing enough, by the way. I've had a similar experience in my life with chronic pain so I wanted to check you were ok. It took me a while to adjust to it

Is he resentful that you are at home while he's working hard and supporting you?

As pp said that’s completely unacceptable. I imagine he will realise this himself if he hasn’t already. It sounds completely out of character so there is something is going on with him. When he is calmer hopefully you can talk properly. Sorry you’re going through this. It sounds very difficult on top of back pain.

I manage at home and keep a clean house. As long as I can have rests every 20 - 30 mins. House running perfectly cooked food etc. By me shall I add. Unfortunately when u work u can't randomly take breaks like this. He's up silking in the bedroom since. He can stay there as he did this infront of our youngest (10)

He's not supporting me to the person that asked that 🙄

Your poor 10 year old.

Your poor child. It must have been pretty frightening for them.

Your partner sounds unhinged. Absolutely you need to discuss this with him and lay some firm boundaries. Whatever the reason, he can't behave like that again or he should be kicked out.

Are there any financial concerns at all at the moment?

Yeah, I get it. Work is a different beast to managing things on your own schedule. It sounds like you're doing great, but also it sounds like a lot.

Oh dear. That's even worse that there was a child there. This sounds really serious

Violence of that level in front of a child is totally unacceptable. What the hell is wrong with him? Do you own the house? Can you tell him to get out for a few days to give you time to think? You need to get to the bottom of why he’s exploded like this given how out of the blue it is.

I wish I'd left my ex when he smashed a glass. It's a glaring red beacon.

Yes i will get to the bottom of it but not tonight. I'd happily just let him stay out my way as I've just settled my boy. He's OK so don't want to unsettle him again. My partner has acted like this before( before I was unwell and worked full-time) so not the issue

If this is a one off due to stress he needs to acknowledge his behaviour, apologise to you both and seek help for what's bothering him and his anger. If this is his personality, he will fuck your kids up. Take it from someone who regrets not kicking the asshole out when this first started.

Has he had violent outbreaks before? I wonder if he resents you not working or somehow feels superior to you now? Or does he feel he can behave as he likes because you are financially dependent on him.

There is no good reason for this type of behaviour though.

This gets worse... so it's not a one-off and it happened in front of your poor child.

He needs to agree to get help - swiftly - otherwise surely it has to be the end of the road for the relationship.

I've only " not been working" for 2 months and was in my previous job 10 years. I've no intention of letting this be I'm 43 I'm doing my best to sort issues with my back and get back to work.

Have you considered leaving him?

I couldn’t be with someone that did anything like this.

Yes I have but he always convinces me otherwise. Sad I know. He's behaved like this possibly 5 times in 19 years.. it's crap and shouldn't happen but should I throw it all away?

A definite LTB.

That's still five times too many. I wouldn't look on it as throwing anything away, rather it would be an improvement that neither you nor your son have to live in fear. Honestly, if he doesn't do anything to improve his behaviour then what is there left to save? A loving partner would get help - if he doesn't then he can't care that much about either of you I'm sorry to say. Make a fresh start - and I so rarely post 'LTB' on posts, but this genuinely sounds awful.

why wouldn't you throw an aggressive, dangerous bully away? you will feel much better after!