Partner of 19 years just punched a door and smashed a glass

[Teacake808]

As title says.. Been with my partner 19 years. We have 3 kids together. I've had to give up my job that I loved after continues backpain. On going for 5 months. He works full time. We were enjoying a glass of wine earlier. I mentioned that I wasn't particularly happy with our dog groomer, she always cuts her to short. He went over the top saying we will cancel etc in a dramatic way. I tell him this is the second time today I've voiced an opinion and he's overreacted. He then gets up and smashes a wine glass telling me I'm a shite unsettled person and punches a door on the way out. What the actual. I'm literally in shock. Yes I've been sad I've lost my job but still looking after my house and making sure that twat has a cooked meal after his shift😌

Why do you let him convince you to stay?
You’re sending a message that he can behave badly because you’ll stay anyway.

Would your partner smash a glass, punch a door then insult his boss? Parents? A female friend? Another male? No. And he has done this to you before.
My husband didn't throw things, but started to have unhinged scream fests when I was pregnant. He also did this in front of our children. I made the mistake of thinking it was money worries, then job stress, then stress because I had come out of hospital. But I knew, deep down, that on some level he hated and resented me. And so did our children, as I learned years later. Please be careful, and tell someone you trust, or speak to Women's Aid.

Only you can decide that. It's not our decision and it's not his.

It is very serious that a child has witnessed this. As far as I understand it, it would classed as domestic violence against a child for them even to witness it. Not to mention that you don't deserve this either.

There's that old MN saying about how you wouldn't want a chocolate bar even it was only 5% shit.

Bit ott he's stressed

...Sorry, I meant that our children realised that he hated and resented me, but they only told me this many years later as teenagers. After he had been arrested and we had left. We're still navigating the aftermath-as others have said, five times is five times too many.

don't tell me, he said
'look what you made me do'

Thank you for the replys. I know what I need to do. He just came down and asked if I was hungry! No words

What exactly do you think you are throwing away by leaving him?

To have a child living in this environment isn't healthy at all.

Nope that didn't happen.. thank you for your sarcasm 😬

Sounds like it's all getting on top of him, possible money worries? An affair? Stress at work? Whatever it is there is clearly something going on for an explosion without any buildup and is out of character. It does not excuse the behaviour but there is clearly something wrong, a discussion without alcohol and no children around sounds needed. Id guess it's financial stress you are not aware of.

But I knew, deep down, that on some level he hated and resented me

I had a friend whose husband suddenly started treating her with contempt by staying out all night clearly with other women, not doing their food shopping anymore when he was the one with the car, intimidating her etc
She initially claimed it was out of character and out of the blue.

So I asked her again to think hard if she’d ever seen red flag before and she eventually disclosed that at the start of their 7 year relationship he had thrown a boot at her head once when she didn’t want to go out one night. And there was one or two other incidents.

The way I see it men like that are showing how much they hate you and they may pass off these outbursts as a mistake, then suppress their feelings for several years but ultimately the rage and resentment they feel for you will show up now and again.

Next time the glass will hit your ds in the face as he gets caught in the crossfire
Your ds will try to protect you and get the fist in his head
Leave before this happens
You cannot risk it
The fact you cook and clean to make him happy has nothing to commend it

Just to add I'm not scared of him in any shape or form! If I didn't have children I wouldn't have posted in this form. My problem is my boy seeing his dramatic unnecessary outburst.

Ltb he’s an abuser

I feel sorry for the child

You may not be scared of him but this kind of behaviour is revealing how he feels about you. Pay attention, OP.

Not only that but you and your children are at a higher risk from violence from him.

Indeed some would say witnessing such aggression is experiencing violence already.

You may not be scared of him but I'm fairly certain your child is.

Probably an unpopular opinion but I don’t think you should “LTB” over 5 times in 19 years. He’s human. Nobodies perfect.. unless there are underlying issues of course.

Maybe you should be

It sounds as though he is under a lot of stress are there financial issues he isn't telling you about?

As long as he’s stressed all good. 👍

Raise your bar FGS , this is appalling advice

Once would have been enough for me. He will get worse as nothing happens. I'd leave him or ask him to go.
Very bad example to your child and you allowing this to continue makes it worse.

If this is the first time he has done something like this in front of of your child he is escalating.

He will continue on this path. How bad are you prepared to put up with? And inflict on your child. ?

His behavior is abusive and is violence. You are on a well trodden path.

This.

Domestic violence is nowadays classed as child abuse.