Husband doesn't want to do legal registry

[Saraahh]

Hi, so me and husband (both Muslim) had our nikkah done and have been married for 1.5 years. I am 6 months pregnant with our first child. I've been pushing him to get our registry done since before we even got married and said it has to be done before the baby is here.

After just asking him now, he said he won't do it unless I "change". Basically he wants me to cook more after the baby's here. I can't do much right now due to a complicated pregnancy and HG. I've already told him I will, I never even cooked till I got married and I learnt so many dishes.

It just makes me feel a bit crap and like he doesn't actually love me? He just wants someone to cook and clean for him? And it's making it seem like he's EXPECTING us to break up which is why he doesn't want to do a registry. Bear in mind I have also always worked full time too. And currently doing my teacher training and PGCE.

Am I wrong for feeling completely rubbish about this?

It might also help reading my other post as getting the registry was one of my conditions to not leave him.

No, you're not wrong. You need to be legally protected.

But saying you need to cook more while also being a FT teacher and a mum would put me off him for life, to be honest.

Don't put him on the birth certificate if he won't do the legal part of the marriage. It also isn't a negotiation. If he's marrying you he needs to do it properly and complete the process. Currently you are vulnerable. It's not ok.

He sounds revolting, leave now and do it by yourself.

If I were you, I would leave now too. The marriage is doomed, it’s not realistic for him to expect you to cook more with a newborn. The baby comes first.

Are you sure want to legally tied to this prince among men?

You should have married legally before you are having a child.
I wouldn't stay with a man declining to secure me and a child in legal marriage. An Islamic ritual isnt enough.
And no way say yes to more work at home. It's his responsibility as well.

This.
Also echoing the PP who said if he won't agree to give you the protection afforded by a legal marriage, do not give him parental rights over your child by naming him on the birth certificate. You leave yourself and your child vulnerable if you do that.

Yes, absolutely this.

He's having his cake and eating it. He has no responsibility to you and your child and doesn't want it. He's using the excuse if a religious marriage as a trap to get a chief cook and bottle washer, not a wife he loves and cares for. He can give himself the excuse he's married in god's eyes to have sex and make a baby but isn't man enough to make a real commitment that can be seen and which actually counts. Id imagine your life is about to get a wyhile lit worse with a man like this once a baby is born and you have less freedom/ flexibility. Id seriously be considering if I wanted to stay with him with this kind of attitude.

he doesn’t want to legally marry you and provide you with the security that that offers.

he wants you to become his servant.
a “better” wife.

surely you can see what the future holds now.

how practical and active a parent do you think he will be?
how much domestic work will he do whilst you are caring for his child? For his baby?
will he keep up with the laundry? Will he tidy the kitchen? Clean the bathroom?
how many nappies and bottles and loads of washing will he do?
how many cups of tea and jugs of water will he bring you whilst you are breast feeding?
how many weekends will he take the baby for walks out of the house just so you can sleep?

if you realise that he won’t be doing all of this willingly, instinctively, keenly, thankful that you have had his child and acknowledging how tiring it is to care for a new born then leave .
so then you only have one baby to look after
not also a manchild.

I remember your previous thread.

If he won't marry you legally then go back to your parents and tell him he won't be on the baby's birth certificate.

He's lied and strung you along. If he's not going to stand by his word now then leave.

He won't marry you because you don't cook enough for him? Huge red flag sorry OP

This is only going to get worse once baby arrives...if he won't cook, what makes you think will he change nappies? Do night feeds? Care for the baby in the day so you can get some rest?

do it. before you give birth.

do you have anyone at mosque you can confide in or will they say the nikkah is enough?

he is being cheeky making demands when you have HG let alone using the registry as a bargaining tool.

Nope I never say this ..LTB. Run. Do not put his name on the birth certificate

You are not legally married and could be in a tricky position if he leaves or throws you out.
Can you get advice from someone within your community who might be sympathetic or who he might listen to?
There is a Muslim Board on MN and some of the ladies there may be able to offer advice as well

If he won’t give you the legal protection of marriage, then you need to leave before the baby is born. After the baby is born it’s possible that he could prevent you taking the baby out of the area.

Time for you to take charge & move out.

I remember your previous post. Everything about this man is a red flag. He sounds really unpleasant.

You need to seriously consider leaving him. Put aside any thought you may have about upsetting your parents or what people may say. You have a child coming on to the scene and your priority should be making sure they come into a happy environment, not one where the dad is liar and a misogynist.

This.

You need to start planning for the end of this, he clearly is and as it stands right now without a legal marriage everything in his name stays his.

So make sure you have your name on any property if you are financially contributing to it, that you have your own money in your own accounts and that you do not leave work and become a SAHM.

Unless he's willing to give you legal access to 50% of all finances and assets, do not give up work and insist that he pays 50% or a proportionately equal amount of all childcare and bills.

does he have lots of money/assets? Sounds like youve got your own shit sorted, you dont need him. Im worried once babys here, youll be working full time/parenting/housekeeping whilst hes out

These are all serious red flags. If you are legally married, you and your baby have important rights under the law which you don't have with this religious ritual.

He is already showing that he will expect you to perform to a certain standard in order to receive any deference or kindness. This will only get worse.

A woman with a new baby has less, not more, time to look after a man.

I agree with other posters that this is trap. Going to your parents and not putting him on the birth certificate sounds like a possibly good plan based on the small amount of information you have shared so far. Perhaps call Rights of Women before taking any serious steps.

He’s checked out.

Sorry, no decent man would say these things to his pregnant partner.

Protect your child and listen to your motherly instincts.

You’ve posted before about this OP. You’ll get same advice here - leave him, he’s not going to change and will only get worse.

One point OP, who has more savings/ money? Do you jointly own your home or are you renting?

I didn't get married legally as I was the higher earner/ had more savings. I also didn't buy a house together when I found out my partner was an abusive twat. It meant I could split from him pretty easily. It doesn't affect any future CMS claim from my understanding if you do split. And yeah, if you can avoid him being on the birth certificate even better.

By the way, you should really split from this guy. So many men turn nasty once their wives are pregnant and he should be supporting you not asking you to cook for him, the twat.