Husband doesn't want to do legal registry

[Saraahh]

Hi, so me and husband (both Muslim) had our nikkah done and have been married for 1.5 years. I am 6 months pregnant with our first child. I've been pushing him to get our registry done since before we even got married and said it has to be done before the baby is here.

After just asking him now, he said he won't do it unless I "change". Basically he wants me to cook more after the baby's here. I can't do much right now due to a complicated pregnancy and HG. I've already told him I will, I never even cooked till I got married and I learnt so many dishes.

It just makes me feel a bit crap and like he doesn't actually love me? He just wants someone to cook and clean for him? And it's making it seem like he's EXPECTING us to break up which is why he doesn't want to do a registry. Bear in mind I have also always worked full time too. And currently doing my teacher training and PGCE.

Am I wrong for feeling completely rubbish about this?

It might also help reading my other post as getting the registry was one of my conditions to not leave him.

This. It's much easier to get rid of them with no legal ties. I discovered that to my cost with my divorce.

The good news is the baby isn’t here (although it’s a lot harder with the hg, I get that) so you should move out and get set up before baby comes. You aren’t married. Do you have family you could move in with?

Why would you do a religious marriage without a legal one?

Other religions, quite rightly, insist on both being done together, or as subsequently. I thought that there was a movement towards insisting the same in Islam. To not do so undermines women's rights. This is especially the case when many don't realise that a religious wedding only has no legal standing.

OP just read your other thread and I'm going with a firm and definitive, leave him and go back to your parents.

He lied to you from the start. To quote your own posts on the other thread:

"He wants to protect his money... He's got more to lose than I do. My family don't have properties or stacks of money we lived in a council house our whole life. His parents are cushty and have multiple properties and he's got a good job and good career too. I had a stable job until I decided to start my teacher training... He also knows I can't raise this baby alone financially"

"He said he wanted to divorce me a couple months ago over a stupid argument we had, he's called me plenty of names before and said things about my family... A lot of the arguments we've had as well is because of living with his family too and issues I've had with them, mainly my SILs (who haven't spoken to me in a month btw because I told my MIL that they seem to find it hilarious when I'm crying after me and him have argued..."

"just spoke to him and he said he'll do the registry but he's scared I'm gonna leave him and have rights over his assets... I said if I was him surely HE should be scared? That I'll take away his rights over our baby?"

The whole of your previous thread is just a big red flag from the start, the fact that you have accepted that you were horrifically attacked prior to meeting him and narrowly avoided being raped and you that you know he would not have accepted you had you been raped should be enough to tell you that you do not want this man influencing the morals and ethics of the baby boy you are carrying and you definitely don't want him raising a daughter in the future.

What @@InfoSecInTheCity said.

Please go back to your parents

Did you get a decent mahr on marriage or just a token amount?

If it was a token (less than £1000) then he doesn't respect you or expect the marriage to last. If he deferred it, then it should be at least £10,000.

That may tell you all you need to know. Speak to your mum and your married female friends as well.

Wishing you a safe and happy delivery.

Why you did nikka ( what is this?) and not the governmental thing which gives you so many rights here in the UK

The mehr is 5k and he's not given it yet...

The nikkah is the Islamic marriage which we have to do and comes with its own rights but it's not recognised by UK law

That's a reasonable amount. But it should have been transferred on the day.

I don't know how you go about negotiating to get it, but you could suggest to him that he gives it to you now, or it goes up to £15,000 as a formal deferral. It's a long time to wait for it.

Potentially you could suggest that you will accept a deferral at £10,000 if he has a register office ceremony, but to be honest, you should really end the marriage because he's not a good or honourable man.

You aren't married legally in the UK.

You have zero financial protection.

The fact he won't give you legal protections is a huge fucking red flag. Pay attention to it.

Blimey this reads like you are a free chef, nanny and cleaner rolled into one. He’s got it made, there is nothing in this for you apart from stress and heartbreak.
he’s made his choice and read you his rules - RUN LADY RUN

I've already told him I will

Why?! How much cooking and cleaning does he do?

He sounds like a total arse :(

He also hasn't paid the mehr which is money given to the bride on marriage. This money is hers alone.
If it's not paid on marriage then it must be paid on divorce or after the death if the husband. If it's deferred in this way, it should be up to 10x the original amount.

The fact that he hasn't paid the mehr shows he doesn't keep his promises under Islam. As we know he's not keeping his other promises. But to fail to pay the mehr, unless it's formally agreed as a deferral, is really bad.

If he doesn't legally marry you, don't put him on the birth certificate. Two can play at that game. He wants to have his cake and eat it. Don't let him.

Can you get advice from a trusted Muslim friend about the nikkah, or perhaps from the message board on mumsnet? It sounds like a really tough situation - as others have said, if you have the option of moving back with your parents that sounds like the best idea. But it depends on whether you are comfortable with it spiritually as well as the practical considerations.

Yes, this may be something to be thankful for. He will still be obliged to support your child if you leave him, which clearly you should do as he is treating you worse than a servant.

This, make sure you have a savings account that he doesn't know about and build up an emergency fund so you're able to leave with your baby should you decide to.

I can’t believe you went ahead with a nikah without a legal registry. Are you sure he’s not already legally married to someone else and therefore unable to register the marriage with you? Perhaps he’s separated but not yet divorced? Either way, you need to protect yourself. As my mum always says, after talaq, talaq, talaq is uttered, the nikah paper can easily be torn up, leaving you unprotected.

This. Listen to this. Get the mehr and then end it as he doesn't respect you or his own promises.

OK so he's a dishonourable man, on the grounds of your religion. My dad would have told me in your position to come home and he would look after me. Are your parents likely to be supportive?

Also, as pp said, DO NOT put him on the birth certificate as the father.

The mehr will be payable on Islamic divorce if he doesn't pay it now.

If you aren’t married legally, any kind of spiritual ceremony was just for show. The only thing that really matters is the legal paperwork. It might not be seem romantic and a bit like doing the taxes or getting a drivers license, but it’s critical.

If he won’t finish the process and complete the paperwork, I would show him the door. You are absolutely right, he doesn’t respect you.

Judges are getting wise to this OP - several UK nikkah-only ceremonies have now been seen by the law as enough to give women financial protection paid by the man.

Not because of the ceremony, because of the deceit perpetuated on one half of the couple.

I wouldn’t count on getting anything though.

You’re not married, and it might be an idea to stay that way.

You are not married under British law, this means you have zero protection. Do not register the baby in his name or but on the birth certificate unless he has married you legally. You need to stress to him you are simply not married unless you go through the legal process